As I sit here and reflect on my many experiences,
I realize that I had no damn business,
doing some of the things I've done.
I'm older now and know the difference between needing and wanting,
Learning takes a lot out of you especially if your flaunting,
like you know a lot.
Honestly we don't know much because we are too busy going through trial and error,
Knowing damn well we know better.
Life is what you make it, you hear it all the time,
Simply going through your ears straight past your mind.
We all wanted to be grown early and do what we wanted to do,
get out of Mama's house some even dropped out of school.
Now looking back you see what an a** you were,
Because you can't find a good job or a damn babysitter.
Life is what you make it we all heard it before,
But a better life, is that what you want for sure.
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2009
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Before I get into this story I just want to let you know how pissed off you are going to be both male and female this will make you want to f**k someone up. No real names will be used because u don't know these people the situation is most important anyway.
Lisa and Shawn are couple 1/Michelle and Troy are couple 2-pay attention cause it might get complicated to follow
Both couples have been in a relationship for some time(years). They have had their ups and downs like normal but this new situation is going to destroy some lives possibly end some. Lisa and Troy have been sleeping around on the side for some time(years) meanwhile maintaining there own relationships. Almost a year ago Lisa had a baby and is not 100% that it is Shawn's baby(mommas baby daddy's maybe). There is a possibility that it is Troy's, now Lisa is pregnant again with twins and is telling Troy that the babies are his.The deepness of this situation is that Lisa is not sure who's the baby's father and is going to have said chilren and both men by the balls because neither will know who is the father and if Shawn finds out that Troy is the father murder and mayhiem could happen. Both Lisa and Troy have been caught up in lies and have gotten busted by both of their partners about their relationship and to their partners knowledge they are no longer in dealings with each other so its gonna hit the fan. Now as far as Lisa is concerned its f*cked up on her part as a woman to try and decieve both men like this knowing it could cause a reaction like 9/11(not making fun of 9/11 but just showing you the intensity of what her actions will lead to). Now Lisa is living with Shawn in a mansion like house and is being taken care of well. Shawn is a very nice guy all around and loves Lisa to death literally. Troy and Michelle have no children together but they own 2 properties together. Troy is also a nice guy and was kind of the ugly duckling growing up and never received the attention that Lisa was giving him so he went with the ride. I don't know Michelle personally so I can't speak for her but I know she and Troy got into a physical altercation over Lisa very early on in their relationship. Now Troy is feeling the consequences of his actions because he has no children and he does not want any, he is feeling ashamed because not many people knew(his family) that Lisa was the side chick, He is feeling all the feelings when you know you f*cked up. Lisa on the other hand is cool as a fan because she knows she has these 2 men in her hands but is not thinking of reality. Now both men are friends of mine but as of late Troy and I have been in conference with each and he is looking for help. This is probably the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to him so he is freakin' out.
Now the moral of this story is that there are lots of women out there trying to get a man at any means and cost possible and there are men out there not open to all possiblities of disaster. Not to say all women are bad but these women give us hard loving women a bad name because after this situation men think of women differently and they start dating different races because they feel black women are about some BS. Not to say women in other races are not but I can only speak for mine and what I've seen and what I know first hand. I know many men who are not 100% about the fact if they are the father of a child and from my stand point if you are not sure then you should get a DNA test ASAP. The same for women you know your not sure but you got homie taking care of the child for years and years and then somewhere down the line something happens. You need blood for said child or said child has a mental/rare disease and you don't know where its from and you have to get tested and come to find out he is not the father. Before you get into that situation get a DNA test. Why should the child suffer for an adults mistake or deception.
Lisa and Shawn are couple 1/Michelle and Troy are couple 2-pay attention cause it might get complicated to follow
Both couples have been in a relationship for some time(years). They have had their ups and downs like normal but this new situation is going to destroy some lives possibly end some. Lisa and Troy have been sleeping around on the side for some time(years) meanwhile maintaining there own relationships. Almost a year ago Lisa had a baby and is not 100% that it is Shawn's baby(mommas baby daddy's maybe). There is a possibility that it is Troy's, now Lisa is pregnant again with twins and is telling Troy that the babies are his.The deepness of this situation is that Lisa is not sure who's the baby's father and is going to have said chilren and both men by the balls because neither will know who is the father and if Shawn finds out that Troy is the father murder and mayhiem could happen. Both Lisa and Troy have been caught up in lies and have gotten busted by both of their partners about their relationship and to their partners knowledge they are no longer in dealings with each other so its gonna hit the fan. Now as far as Lisa is concerned its f*cked up on her part as a woman to try and decieve both men like this knowing it could cause a reaction like 9/11(not making fun of 9/11 but just showing you the intensity of what her actions will lead to). Now Lisa is living with Shawn in a mansion like house and is being taken care of well. Shawn is a very nice guy all around and loves Lisa to death literally. Troy and Michelle have no children together but they own 2 properties together. Troy is also a nice guy and was kind of the ugly duckling growing up and never received the attention that Lisa was giving him so he went with the ride. I don't know Michelle personally so I can't speak for her but I know she and Troy got into a physical altercation over Lisa very early on in their relationship. Now Troy is feeling the consequences of his actions because he has no children and he does not want any, he is feeling ashamed because not many people knew(his family) that Lisa was the side chick, He is feeling all the feelings when you know you f*cked up. Lisa on the other hand is cool as a fan because she knows she has these 2 men in her hands but is not thinking of reality. Now both men are friends of mine but as of late Troy and I have been in conference with each and he is looking for help. This is probably the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to him so he is freakin' out.
Now the moral of this story is that there are lots of women out there trying to get a man at any means and cost possible and there are men out there not open to all possiblities of disaster. Not to say all women are bad but these women give us hard loving women a bad name because after this situation men think of women differently and they start dating different races because they feel black women are about some BS. Not to say women in other races are not but I can only speak for mine and what I've seen and what I know first hand. I know many men who are not 100% about the fact if they are the father of a child and from my stand point if you are not sure then you should get a DNA test ASAP. The same for women you know your not sure but you got homie taking care of the child for years and years and then somewhere down the line something happens. You need blood for said child or said child has a mental/rare disease and you don't know where its from and you have to get tested and come to find out he is not the father. Before you get into that situation get a DNA test. Why should the child suffer for an adults mistake or deception.
YOU HAVE TIME...........
This blog is inspired by a recent issue that has come up with someone close to me and everyday it happens to parents all around the world.
YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD HAS A "BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND" AND SEX IS ON THE MIND AT A YOUNG AGE
If you know a youngin' sit them down and let them read this, send it to people you know it may help.
I'll speak from experience first. When I was young I liked a few boys and I had my first puppy love at eleven. I thought I was smart enough to be with a little boy but I wasn't. My mom talked to me and told me things I needed to know but we all have those friends we listen to more than our parents because we think our friends are the most high. NOT. I did the deed when I was 14 years old which was no big deal. When I say no big deal I mean it was something I could have waited a few more years to do. I fell into statistics and became a teenage parent at 18. I ended up not being with the father but I can say I had smarts enough to know he wasn't going to be there and my mom had my back. Some young ladies are not so fortunate. You've seen that Luda and Mary video that stuff is so real for many of our youngin's.
We all know kids are going to do what they want to do but we as parents and as a people can't watch them walk into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.
If you are a young person reading this let me tell you something you can wait to have sex, you can wait to do drugs, you can wait to steal, you can wait to get into trouble with the law, you can wait to get into a gang, you can wait to pick up a gun and you can wait to be a drug dealer. I say you can wait because if your 11-25 you don't know what life is about and what lays ahead for you. After you learn a few things and go through some experiences you can make decisions. Right now you don't know a DAMN THANG. You may think you know because of what you see on T.V. or what your friend told you but you don't understand it. You don't understand the consequences of actions. Having sex early without the understanding of it may lead to HIV, AIDS, a baby, or any STD for that matter. If you feel you still want to have sex CONDOMS ARE A MUST. VALUE YOUR LIFE AND WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN IT. Forget about what the boy says or in some cases what the girl says because there are some kids out there who are uneducated and think condoms take away the feeling. If you really want to know don't use one and then you have to think everyday do I have a disease. Sex is an emotion when you get older you'll understand that. For all the youngin's who want to be grown before their time how about you move out of your parents house and try living on your own, working and trying to take care of yourself. It isn’t easy. You have time to be a kid, enjoy it that other life is out there for you when you are ready. For those who think selling drugs is the way to go I have many friends who lost their lives to the “game”, whether death, jail or getting hooked on the product themselves. FAST MONEY DOESN’T LAST AND FAST MONEY AIN'T ALWAYS GOOD MONEY. Education is power. School should be a priority getting a High School Diploma is a must, everyone is not ready for college but it’s always an option. If you have a talent whether it be singing, fashion, modeling, basketball or any other sport pursue that but always remember when your voice can't go any further, your designs aren't selling, your looks go, you get injured what will you fall back on because everyone doesn’t make it in those worlds. For all you youngin's who want to be rappers find something else to do because everyone can't be Jay-Z/Ludacris/T.I/Nas. For those who think guns are the thing for them shoot yourself and see how it feels. It isn’t cool. I've lost many friends to gun violence since I was 10 years old. My first experience to what guns can do. There is no coming back from that. If you want to join a gang because you feel that they are your family, WAKE UP. Go to a church or a mosque and find family there at least you'll be alive to tell your children how you progressed. In some cases these things may not work for our young and we will still have a few that will hear these words and go about their business but don't forget that there is someone out there who knows your pain and can help you in a good way or can use your pain for profit. Enjoy being young and enjoy life.
As for my parents out there talk to you kids about everything even things you did. Keep them informed so they can make educated decisions. Then you won't be in court how when he is 16-22 saying what did I do wrong? If you educated him enough it wasn't you it was his stupid a** making a wrong decision and now he has to pay. I know it’s hard sometimes to talk to our kids but start young for those who can and for those whose kids are already teenagers sit them down TODAY and open lines of communication. If we don't raise our kids someone or something else will.
FOR THE YOUNGIN'S DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE WE ARE NOT GOING TO GET MAD WE MAY BE A LIL SHOCKED AT YOUR QUESTION BUT WE WILL DO THE BEST TO ANSWER THEM IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFORTABLE WITH YOUR PARENT ASK ANY ELDER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR GRANDMA, GRANPA, AUNT, UNCLE, GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, PASTOR, CHOIR DIRECTOR, BIBLE SCHOOL TEACHER, TUTOR, COACH, TEACHER, ETC...............
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD HAS A "BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND" AND SEX IS ON THE MIND AT A YOUNG AGE
If you know a youngin' sit them down and let them read this, send it to people you know it may help.
I'll speak from experience first. When I was young I liked a few boys and I had my first puppy love at eleven. I thought I was smart enough to be with a little boy but I wasn't. My mom talked to me and told me things I needed to know but we all have those friends we listen to more than our parents because we think our friends are the most high. NOT. I did the deed when I was 14 years old which was no big deal. When I say no big deal I mean it was something I could have waited a few more years to do. I fell into statistics and became a teenage parent at 18. I ended up not being with the father but I can say I had smarts enough to know he wasn't going to be there and my mom had my back. Some young ladies are not so fortunate. You've seen that Luda and Mary video that stuff is so real for many of our youngin's.
We all know kids are going to do what they want to do but we as parents and as a people can't watch them walk into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.
If you are a young person reading this let me tell you something you can wait to have sex, you can wait to do drugs, you can wait to steal, you can wait to get into trouble with the law, you can wait to get into a gang, you can wait to pick up a gun and you can wait to be a drug dealer. I say you can wait because if your 11-25 you don't know what life is about and what lays ahead for you. After you learn a few things and go through some experiences you can make decisions. Right now you don't know a DAMN THANG. You may think you know because of what you see on T.V. or what your friend told you but you don't understand it. You don't understand the consequences of actions. Having sex early without the understanding of it may lead to HIV, AIDS, a baby, or any STD for that matter. If you feel you still want to have sex CONDOMS ARE A MUST. VALUE YOUR LIFE AND WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN IT. Forget about what the boy says or in some cases what the girl says because there are some kids out there who are uneducated and think condoms take away the feeling. If you really want to know don't use one and then you have to think everyday do I have a disease. Sex is an emotion when you get older you'll understand that. For all the youngin's who want to be grown before their time how about you move out of your parents house and try living on your own, working and trying to take care of yourself. It isn’t easy. You have time to be a kid, enjoy it that other life is out there for you when you are ready. For those who think selling drugs is the way to go I have many friends who lost their lives to the “game”, whether death, jail or getting hooked on the product themselves. FAST MONEY DOESN’T LAST AND FAST MONEY AIN'T ALWAYS GOOD MONEY. Education is power. School should be a priority getting a High School Diploma is a must, everyone is not ready for college but it’s always an option. If you have a talent whether it be singing, fashion, modeling, basketball or any other sport pursue that but always remember when your voice can't go any further, your designs aren't selling, your looks go, you get injured what will you fall back on because everyone doesn’t make it in those worlds. For all you youngin's who want to be rappers find something else to do because everyone can't be Jay-Z/Ludacris/T.I/Nas. For those who think guns are the thing for them shoot yourself and see how it feels. It isn’t cool. I've lost many friends to gun violence since I was 10 years old. My first experience to what guns can do. There is no coming back from that. If you want to join a gang because you feel that they are your family, WAKE UP. Go to a church or a mosque and find family there at least you'll be alive to tell your children how you progressed. In some cases these things may not work for our young and we will still have a few that will hear these words and go about their business but don't forget that there is someone out there who knows your pain and can help you in a good way or can use your pain for profit. Enjoy being young and enjoy life.
As for my parents out there talk to you kids about everything even things you did. Keep them informed so they can make educated decisions. Then you won't be in court how when he is 16-22 saying what did I do wrong? If you educated him enough it wasn't you it was his stupid a** making a wrong decision and now he has to pay. I know it’s hard sometimes to talk to our kids but start young for those who can and for those whose kids are already teenagers sit them down TODAY and open lines of communication. If we don't raise our kids someone or something else will.
FOR THE YOUNGIN'S DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE WE ARE NOT GOING TO GET MAD WE MAY BE A LIL SHOCKED AT YOUR QUESTION BUT WE WILL DO THE BEST TO ANSWER THEM IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFORTABLE WITH YOUR PARENT ASK ANY ELDER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR GRANDMA, GRANPA, AUNT, UNCLE, GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, PASTOR, CHOIR DIRECTOR, BIBLE SCHOOL TEACHER, TUTOR, COACH, TEACHER, ETC...............
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
MONDAYS, DOUBLE SPEAK & THE "N" WORD
This may offend some people but I thought it was funny as hell. It just goes to show you how much thought people put into covering up racism and that it is still a big issue. Some time ago at work a co-worker of mine told me a story. He went to a wedding and was having a conversation with a friend. Since we work 3rd shift this friend had a few questions about our clientele. The conversation went a lil something like this:
friend: so since you work 3rd shift do you get a lot of mondays?
co-worker: (perplexed look) yeah like one a week duh.
friend: no I mean black people.
co-worker: (still perplexed look) not really but why are you calling them mondays?
friend: because everyone hates mondays.
THE END
So my co-worker came to work and shared this story with me as we talk all the time about various things. I thought it was hiliarious for 1. it shows how small minded the people are in this state, in the world, etc... 2. it shows that racism is still alive and strong. 3. how much thought was put into him coming up with this. 4. he is using double speak, which takes a non common term and sub it for a bad term. and 5. because honestly everyone does hate mondays (the day of the week I mean). So my response was so what are white people Fridays? So the co-worker and I tried a little experiment on another co-worker to see if she would fall into the trap. We both go to her and start a casual conversation and then out of nowhere he says I hate mondays to see if she would say so do I. She didn't fall for it but she also didn't know the meaning behind the story either. So every chance I get I used the term as a joke because it is so damn funny because we are still so much of a threat to people that they are so scared to say what they really mean they have to use coded words. Then recently another co-worker told me about a co-orker of her sisters' whom is black instead of using the 'N' word she calls us Nigels. Now what the hell is that. You ask why the anger a little bit on this story and not the first simply because we understand us as a people. We know our stuggle and for her to fall into the trap shows her weakness. So the moral behind this story is watch out for what people are saying to you because double speak is out there. If anyone has any comments please feel free.
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2009
friend: so since you work 3rd shift do you get a lot of mondays?
co-worker: (perplexed look) yeah like one a week duh.
friend: no I mean black people.
co-worker: (still perplexed look) not really but why are you calling them mondays?
friend: because everyone hates mondays.
THE END
So my co-worker came to work and shared this story with me as we talk all the time about various things. I thought it was hiliarious for 1. it shows how small minded the people are in this state, in the world, etc... 2. it shows that racism is still alive and strong. 3. how much thought was put into him coming up with this. 4. he is using double speak, which takes a non common term and sub it for a bad term. and 5. because honestly everyone does hate mondays (the day of the week I mean). So my response was so what are white people Fridays? So the co-worker and I tried a little experiment on another co-worker to see if she would fall into the trap. We both go to her and start a casual conversation and then out of nowhere he says I hate mondays to see if she would say so do I. She didn't fall for it but she also didn't know the meaning behind the story either. So every chance I get I used the term as a joke because it is so damn funny because we are still so much of a threat to people that they are so scared to say what they really mean they have to use coded words. Then recently another co-worker told me about a co-orker of her sisters' whom is black instead of using the 'N' word she calls us Nigels. Now what the hell is that. You ask why the anger a little bit on this story and not the first simply because we understand us as a people. We know our stuggle and for her to fall into the trap shows her weakness. So the moral behind this story is watch out for what people are saying to you because double speak is out there. If anyone has any comments please feel free.
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2009
Friday, May 21, 2010
PAIN
My head hurts
and my body aches
I don't know how much more of this I can take
I don't like what I see
I'm not feeling the way I should be
I've expanded myself in all directions
trying to deal with my imperfections
I'm not at my best
I DON'T feel a lot more
I feel a lot less
passionate about all that I love
how do I change what I feel
Do I lock it up and never reveal?
I can't do that
That's how I got here
Destroying myself from the inside
Hiding the pain and all the tears I've cried
My head hurts
And my body aches
I don't know how much more I can take
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2001
Saturday, May 15, 2010
INSPIRED
SITTING HERE ON THE "A" TRAIN GOING HOME
TRYING TOBREAK UP MY THOUGHTS TO WRITE THIS POEM
SO MUCH IS ON MY MIND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE
ANOTHER NIGHT AT H&M COMING HOME LATE
AS I GET CLOSER TO MY STOP I'M HAPPY TO GET OFF THE TRAIN
THANK GOD NOBODY DECIDED TO BE A PAIN,
IN MY A** TONIGHT
BECAUSE AS I TIRED AS I AM I COULDN'T GET STRENGTH FROM ANYWHERE TO FIGHT
GET AWAY FROM ME
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
ALL THIS DAMN SPACE ON THE TRAIN
YOU HAVE TO SIT NEAR ME, DAMN!
YES, I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID
MY EARS ARE WORKING
I AM NOT DEAF
I JUST DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND
SO GET YOUR A** UP AND MOVE ON
I FINALLY GET OFF THE TRAIN AND OUT OF THE SITUATION
MY MIND STILL JUMBLED AS I WALK TO MY DESTINATION
ANOTHER SITUATION THAT GAVE ME INSPIRATION
TO WRITE
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
ABANDONED
THINGS CAN NEVER BE THE SAME WAY
THEY USED TO BE BETWEEN US
SOMETIMES I LOOK AT YOU IN TOTAL DISGUST
FOR WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH
WHEN ALL WAS CRUMBLING AROUND ME I SAID "I NEEDED YOU"
AND YOUR RESPONSE WAS "I HAVE MY OWN ISSUES"
WE WERE FRIENDS ABOVE ALL ELSE
I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU NEEDED MY HELP
I KNEW THINGS WEREN'T GOING RIGHT WITH
YOUR SITUATION AND I ASKED YOU TO COME HOME
BUT YOU NEGLECTED WHAT WE HAD AS IF IT MEANT NOTHING
I GAVE ALL I HAD TO YOU PLUS ALL I DIDN'T HAVE
I GAVE ALL MY EFFORT TO MAKE US LAST
THE SAME WASN'T GIVEN IN RETURN
WHICH IN THE LONG RUN I HAD TO LEARN
YOU EVENTUALLY CAME HOME AND
TRIED TO GET THINGS TO MAKE SENSE
WE WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE
OUR GOALS WERE DIFFERENT
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
UNTITLED
I'm cut off from the outside world and slowly suffocating
I can't breathe
I'm hyperventilating
It's lonely out here
With all my shadows and fears
I'm hiding from myself
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER
LMJ©2001
I can't breathe
I'm hyperventilating
It's lonely out here
With all my shadows and fears
I'm hiding from myself
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER
LMJ©2001
UNTITLED
CLOSED EYES
THOUGHTS RUNNING RAMPANT
GOOD TIMES
HEART BEAT NORMAL
WARM TOUCH
BODY FEELING SECURE
GOOD LUCK
ALL THINGS FALLING INTO PLACE
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
THOUGHTS RUNNING RAMPANT
GOOD TIMES
HEART BEAT NORMAL
WARM TOUCH
BODY FEELING SECURE
GOOD LUCK
ALL THINGS FALLING INTO PLACE
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
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