One the anniversary of your death it on feels like yesterday
That someone felt there was no need for you to stay
For whatever reason they thought you didn't need to exist in this world
Snatched away your life and sadden us all
You will never be forgotten as long as your music plays
You will travel amongst us all as your ashes are pushed by the waves
REST IN PEACE TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR
SEPTEMBER 2002©•LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
This piece originally was written for Tupac but reading it again made me think of the countless people I've lost to gun violence. So many here today gone tomorrow damn I just saw them a few days/months/weeks ago stories. Losing someone you love violently is never easy. In the end you have to be real about it though, for instance I'm sad they are not here anymore BUT many whom I know lead a life where death by violence was one of two options. Some started to change or had changed their lives around and were killed. When that happens I believe that God was waiting for you to start the process before he was ready to take you. Taking you was a lesson to those around you sadly many don't pick up on the message. They get deeper into the live and the percentage of dying goes up drastically. Its tragic that in my short life I can create a long list of RIP's due to violence. In memory of those lost I miss you.
Friday, July 15, 2011
TIME TO LET GO
Its NEVER too late to let go
Its time to drop the past so you can grow
Its time to let go of all the sadness and pain
Because to hold onto it, there is NOTHING to gain
Nothing POSITIVE
You've held onto it so long
Various situations were derailed from going right to tragically going wrong
Things seem fine and everything appears OK
But before you know it what you've held onto pops up one day
You tell yourself, "This is not going to hold me back, this I know! Its time for me to let it go"
That pep talk fades fast because the emotions are so deeply embedded
One has no idea where they have you headed
JULY 28, 1993/JULY 15, 2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
I wrote this poem when I was 16 yrs old(17 years ago WOW)! Since then I can tell a story or 3 about how NOT letting go hinders a person. Some of you may be thinking "Damn what was she going through at 16 that she wrote this?" in time I'll tell that story. Back to the subject at hand, letting go is a process no one person can explain HOW its done. Many of us know it needs to be done but often times one doesn't get to the root of what is behind the emotions/situations that they're holding on to. The beginning of letting go is being HONEST, BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself about the situation. Many of us are mad at someone who hurt us, that could be an ex, friend or even a stranger. Those scars are deep in many cases. Take responsibility for your part if any in the situation, in doing so you're letting go some of the anger you've held onto. If you have no responsibility to take then deal with the emotions and remember the one who hurt you is sleeping good, living their life while you're so stuck on what they did you can't sleep, have successful friendships/relationships, always complaining, not being at the full potential in life you should be at, addicted to something suicidal, reckless, always mad/flipping out on people and or going through depression. That's the reality of NOT letting go it will consume you so you may not even realize it has. one's journey of letting go starts with the willingness to change! No one likes change largely because of the work it takes to do so. Change is good because it allows freedom and clarity. I'm NO EXPERT but believe me when I say I KNOW what it feels like. I'm sure I can relate to similar situations many of you have dealt with maybe even worse, it has hindered me for a long time. I've masked a lot of who I am because I didn't want people to see me as damaged or I just pushed it out of my mind and pushed forward. Dragging the weight of that "luggage" will stop you at some point, TRUST ME! Ask yourself do you want it to stop you at the wrong time? If the answer is no dig deep and start the process of change.
Ever met someone you really like and they feel the same way, the possibilities are great and you "sabotage" it or get stuck at a place you can't move forward? You think you're over the ex who broke your heart because you're not thinking of him/her but that hurt has you scared of even trying to see if this person will do you right.
Ever had a friend you distanced yourself from because you weren't ready to deal with your demons? The closer they wanted to get to you the further you pushed them away. Now years later you miss them and realize they were worth having in your life.
Ever quit something because you let your emotions get the best of you? That fear has a hold on you so strong you're comfortable in your situation. Later you look back and see how stupid you were.
Mad at the person you had kids with like everything is their fault. Remember you made a choice in that moment whether it was for love or the sex was that great so putting all the fault on them is unrealistic!!!!!! Trust you had signs before hand that you probably ignored that let you know the person they are now is who they were then but you thought things would be different.
Still holding on to the person who broke your heart, be thankful they are gone! Repair yourself, move on and give someone else the opportunity to love you and allow yourself to love.
In facing the truth you will deal with pain, you'll cry, you'll doubt but in the end you'll let it go and be soooooo much stronger because of it. Granted not many can take this process, some will lose the battle, strength does not come easy.
Letting go isn't easy but as long as you don't give up you will win, eventually. Time heals all wounds, but that length of time is crucial. Don't take too long, you can miss many great things along the way.
A key tip I'm learning is to talk it out, release it from your system. It helps.
Thank you for allowing me to share, your welcome in advance if this helps you and I thank you for helping me!
Its time to drop the past so you can grow
Its time to let go of all the sadness and pain
Because to hold onto it, there is NOTHING to gain
Nothing POSITIVE
You've held onto it so long
Various situations were derailed from going right to tragically going wrong
Things seem fine and everything appears OK
But before you know it what you've held onto pops up one day
You tell yourself, "This is not going to hold me back, this I know! Its time for me to let it go"
That pep talk fades fast because the emotions are so deeply embedded
One has no idea where they have you headed
JULY 28, 1993/JULY 15, 2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
I wrote this poem when I was 16 yrs old(17 years ago WOW)! Since then I can tell a story or 3 about how NOT letting go hinders a person. Some of you may be thinking "Damn what was she going through at 16 that she wrote this?" in time I'll tell that story. Back to the subject at hand, letting go is a process no one person can explain HOW its done. Many of us know it needs to be done but often times one doesn't get to the root of what is behind the emotions/situations that they're holding on to. The beginning of letting go is being HONEST, BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself about the situation. Many of us are mad at someone who hurt us, that could be an ex, friend or even a stranger. Those scars are deep in many cases. Take responsibility for your part if any in the situation, in doing so you're letting go some of the anger you've held onto. If you have no responsibility to take then deal with the emotions and remember the one who hurt you is sleeping good, living their life while you're so stuck on what they did you can't sleep, have successful friendships/relationships, always complaining, not being at the full potential in life you should be at, addicted to something suicidal, reckless, always mad/flipping out on people and or going through depression. That's the reality of NOT letting go it will consume you so you may not even realize it has. one's journey of letting go starts with the willingness to change! No one likes change largely because of the work it takes to do so. Change is good because it allows freedom and clarity. I'm NO EXPERT but believe me when I say I KNOW what it feels like. I'm sure I can relate to similar situations many of you have dealt with maybe even worse, it has hindered me for a long time. I've masked a lot of who I am because I didn't want people to see me as damaged or I just pushed it out of my mind and pushed forward. Dragging the weight of that "luggage" will stop you at some point, TRUST ME! Ask yourself do you want it to stop you at the wrong time? If the answer is no dig deep and start the process of change.
Ever met someone you really like and they feel the same way, the possibilities are great and you "sabotage" it or get stuck at a place you can't move forward? You think you're over the ex who broke your heart because you're not thinking of him/her but that hurt has you scared of even trying to see if this person will do you right.
Ever had a friend you distanced yourself from because you weren't ready to deal with your demons? The closer they wanted to get to you the further you pushed them away. Now years later you miss them and realize they were worth having in your life.
Ever quit something because you let your emotions get the best of you? That fear has a hold on you so strong you're comfortable in your situation. Later you look back and see how stupid you were.
Mad at the person you had kids with like everything is their fault. Remember you made a choice in that moment whether it was for love or the sex was that great so putting all the fault on them is unrealistic!!!!!! Trust you had signs before hand that you probably ignored that let you know the person they are now is who they were then but you thought things would be different.
Still holding on to the person who broke your heart, be thankful they are gone! Repair yourself, move on and give someone else the opportunity to love you and allow yourself to love.
In facing the truth you will deal with pain, you'll cry, you'll doubt but in the end you'll let it go and be soooooo much stronger because of it. Granted not many can take this process, some will lose the battle, strength does not come easy.
Letting go isn't easy but as long as you don't give up you will win, eventually. Time heals all wounds, but that length of time is crucial. Don't take too long, you can miss many great things along the way.
A key tip I'm learning is to talk it out, release it from your system. It helps.
Thank you for allowing me to share, your welcome in advance if this helps you and I thank you for helping me!
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO ASK DURING THE DATING PROCESS
I created this post over a year ago and since then I've chatted with many people and even had my hand in dating(LMBO, memories), so I see it fit to remix it a little bit. Since last year I've come across many stories of LDR's(long distance relationships) or folks meeting a great person via Facebook/Twitter as well as other social networks. It's become the new "norm" since so many people are online now. "Meeting" a potential mate has taken on a whole new world. Many people think they have a "basic" list of questions to ask a "potential" and for the most part those questions work but for the one serious about finding a mate you have to get deeper into the mind of the person. You have to find out about their character as well as letting them get to know the real you. Granted online a person can potray themselves as the "flawless" but we all know there are a limited amount of flawless things and often times it has to do with jewelry, LOL. So here are some questions that should be asked that would lead to multiple discussions where you can get to know a person. This is for anyone you meet virtually or in person. You can decide when to ask these questions and on what to do from there.
Good luck but most of all enjoy!!!!!!
FULL NAME(Depending on the age of the person if he is still going by a nickname that is a clear indication of immaturity. If 35 and they're still talking about my name is ____ Gotti/Murda/Ski/Love/Etc walk away now!):
D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT(Not necessarily a need to know as women especially don't like to admit this but a man may have no problem with it):
SHOE SIZE(May not be a need to know unless you care to buy them some footwear but in that moment you can ask for this info. Ladies don't let that myth fool you either):
ZODIAC(This is not an exact science as to who you ideal mate is but if you're into astrology you know the basic characteristics of a zodiac sometimes is helpful.):
U.S. CITIZEN(This is important to many for various reasons):
IF NO ARE YOU IN PROCESS OF BECOMING A U/S/ CITIZEN? CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF?:
NICKNAMES/ALIAS(If they have an alias, RUN. Nicknames are cool because most people are given them from childhood but its usually close to what their real name is):
STATE OF CURRENT RESIDENCE(Very important especially for LDR's):
RENT OR OWN?(Shows responsibility, if you don't do either are you living off of someone):
HOMETOWN:
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HOUSEHOLD & WHO?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU MADE LESS $$ THAN YOUR MATE?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE NOT THE BREADWINNER IN A RELATIONSHIP?:
MARITAL STATUS(Clearly this is important unless you like dating those who are taken, but if not be diligent in getting a straight answer):
IF DIVORCED, HOW LONG?(This is also important, the length of time since a divorce will help you understand one's reservations/mixed emotions on dating/getting serious or just wanted to take things slow):
IF PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, HOW MANY TIMES & LENGTH OF MARRIAGE?:
IF PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES?:
IF NEVER MARRIED IS IT AN OPTION YOU WOULD CONSIDER?:
KIDS(SEX & AGES):
HAVE YOU EVER USED ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when):
IF NO CHILDREN DID YOU ALMOST HAVE SOME?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when. Emotions can still be raw depending on what happened):
IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME?:
QTY OF MOTHERS/FATHERS(This is important it shows a persons' pattern, pay close attention to this answer. It will also allow you to ask the next question):
CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHERS/FATHERS OF CHILDREN(No one wants to deal with drama from an ex, especially one you have kids with):
DO YOU PAY CHILD SUPPORT, VOLUNTARILY/INVOLUNTARILY(Either answer will have a story behind it, LISTEN CLOSELY):
EMPLOYER:
LENGTH OF TIME AT CURRENT EMPLOYER:
HOW MANY JOBS IN LAST 5 YEARS(Shows stability or lack there of):
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: IF MORE THAN ONCE, HOW MANY TIMES AND WHY?(If there is a pattern you'll decide if its something you can deal with or not):
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME IN JAIL/PRISON? LENGTH OF BID?(This is not an elimination question as we all make mistakes but you can judge for yourself if this is an issue for you):
DATE OF LAST HIV/AIDS TEST(VERY IMPORTANT):
CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF OF RESULTS?:
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BE TESTED BEFORE HAVING SEX?(NO IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER):
HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD(INCLUDING 1 NIGHT STANDS)?:
EVER HAD A THREESOME?(This question can be asked for different reasons):
CONDOM TYPE USED?:
EVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH THE SAME SEX?(This question will lead to other discussions, it may or may not be an elimination question depending on your history or what you're looking for):
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN STD? WHEN & WHAT?:
EVER SLEPT WITH A RELATIVE, KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY?(This may not be something you're comfy asking and may not be needed but it happens):
DO YOU CURRENTLY TAKE ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS? IF SO, LIST MEDICATION & REASON FOR TAKING:
RELIGION?(For those deeply into their religion/faith going into extreme detail is beneficial because so many people "present" themselves to be someone they're not to gain someone they want):
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD(WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THE MOST HIGH)?:
DO YOU ATTEND CHURCH, A MOSQUE, KINGDOM HALL, OR SYNAGOGUE REGULARLY:
IF NOT DO YOU READ THE BIBLE, QUA'RAN OR OTHER BOOK RELATED TO YOUR RELIGION REGULARLY?:
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA/GED?:
COLLEGE CREDITS OR COLLEGE DEGREE?:
IF DEGREE OBTAINED, WHAT COLLEGE AND YEAR?
MEMBER OF SORORITY/FRATERNITY?:
MEMBER OF MILITARY, IF SO WHAT BRANCH & HOW LONG?:
TATTOOS?:
HOW MANY AND LOCATION?:
GANG AFFILIATIONS(This can be one's upbringing and/or maybe their current lifestyle. You can decide how important this is to you):
PIERCINGS? IF SO HOW MANY & WHERE?:
FETISHES:
HOBBIES:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FOOD:
BOOK:
SONG:
SPORTS(PLAY(ED) OR LOVE TO WATCH):
HIDDEN TALENTS:
DO YOU OWN A SUIT?:
STATES VISITED:
COUNTRIES VISITED:
SIBLINGS(Finding out one's relationship with their siblings is very important):
POLITICAL VIEWS:
DO YOU VOTE? HAVE YOU EVER VOTED?:
ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO VOTE?:
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?(Find out the status of the license because you don't want to get pulled over and this person gets arrested, NOT GOOD):
EVER BEEN A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME?:
EVER HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST AN EX?:
EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DOMESTIC DISPUTE? EXPLAIN(This is an elimination question especially if one responds "I hit her/him because I was teaching them a lesson" or if they have stories that create a pattern. A one time incident is possibly excusable depending on the circumstances, we are human.):
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?:
FATHER?:
SIBLINGS?:
CO-WORKERS?:
EMPLOYER?:
IN FIVE YEARS WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN LIFE?:
ARE YOU HAPPY OR CONTENT?:
LIST 5 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT ARE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT:
DO YOU COLLECT ITEMS EX: CARS, SPORTS MEMORABILIA, BOOKS, ETC.:
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE:
WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 QUALITIES YOU CAN NOT SET ASIDE WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?:
PET PEEVES:
TURN ON(S):
TURN OFF(S):
EVER HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?:
HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A MATE?(This doesn't mean they're a cheater, hear the person out):
HAVE YOU EVER DESTROYED A MATE'S PROPERTY BECAUSE OF ANGER/REVENGE?:
ARE YOU CONTROLLING?:
JEALOUS?:
HAVE YOU EVER STALKED AN EX?:
HAVE YOU EVER USED ANY CREDIT CARDS OR MONEY OF A MATE'S WITHOUT ASKING?:
CHEAP?:
AN INDIAN GIVER?:
SELFISH?(I'm biased about this question because if one is selfless than you want to RUN from this person. One who is selfish will never admit to it but pay attention to their answer):
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX?:
DO YOU WATCH PORN?:
FAVORITE TYPE?:
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON'T DO SEXUALLY?:
EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?:
ARE YOU GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX'S?:
DO YOU FEEL MEN & WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS?: IF NOT WHY?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DATING/MARRYING A WOMAN/MAN WITH CHILDREN?(THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY DON'T):
IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN & WANTED THEM WOULD YOU ADOPT?:
BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
WORST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
(*The following questions can be asked early on but when things if they do get serious finding out about one's financial situation is important, not necessarily how much they make but their debt and spending habits is a need to know if you plan to go further with them)
*DO YOU HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?:
*CHECKING?:
*401K/RETIREMENT PLAN?:
*CREDIT CARDS?:
HEALTH INSURANCE?:
DENTAL INSURANCE?:
LIFE INSURANCE?:
CAR INSURANCE, IF APPLICABLE?:
*CREDIT SCORE?:
WOULD YOU DATE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE?:
WHAT ARE THE AGES OF YOUR DATING RANGE?:
PERSONALITY TYPE A OR B?:
NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU AND WHY?:
LIST 3 COMMON THINGS I'D HEAR FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU THE MOST?:
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 8 WORDS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED AND WHY?:
HOW DID YOU FEEL AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE DUMPED?:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?:
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD?(This is VERY important especially if you're a long term kind of relationship person. If the answer is under a year find out why):
(*These questions are important because it lets you know and ask more questions about where a person was in their life if any of these apply to them. How they manage life, stress, emotions are things you will get from these questions. Plus addiction is a huge thing to handle!)
*DO YOU SMOKE OR HAVE EVER SMOKED CIGARETTES?:
*WEED?:
*METH?:
*HEROIN?:
*ANY OTHER DRUG(S)?:
DRINK?
SOCIAL DRINKER?:
FAVORITE PHRASE?:
YOUR MOTTO?:
HAVE YOU EVER SOLD DRUGS?:
HAVE ANY ADDICTIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?:
ANY FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH ISSUES I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?(This is a question to be asked when things are serious):
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A MATE GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE/FB PAGE/EMAILS?(There is always emotion or a story behind this, LOL):
HAVE YOU EVER DATED SOMEONE YOU MET ONLINE?:
AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP?:
ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS?:
DO YOU COOK/ARE YOU WILLING TO LEARN?:
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP/TRYING TO GET TO KNOW?:
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM(For sports fans you know this is critical, LOL):
IN CLOSING ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVIDE 3 REFERENCES (EX'S):
3 REFERENCES(FRIENDS):
*ASKING A LOT ABOUT ONE'S FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP HISTORY IS IMPORTANT
NOW I MAY HAVE MISSED A FEW THINGS PLEASE ADD ON IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE THAT CAN BE REVISED AT ANYTIME. PEOPLE FORGET WHEN DATING ITS A PROCESS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR HESITANT TO ASK ANY QUESTION NO MATTER HOW OUT THERE THEY ARE. IF YOU VALUE IT THEN YOU NEED TO ASK TO SEE IF THE "POTENTIAL" DOES AS WELL. NEVER SETTLE! WHEN YOU SETTLE YOU COMPROMISE AND USUALLY END UP IN A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN. WHEN ASKING ANY ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS OR ONE YOU ADD ON TO THIS AND THAT PERSON HESITATES YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GONNA LIE OR TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING. IN THAT MOMENT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT A BLINK YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A GREAT MATCH BUT BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS WE ALL KNOW THE DEVIL HAS MANY DISGUISES. NO ONE IS PERFECT SO IF ITS ALL YOU WANT TO HEAR STEP BACK AND EVALUATE. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS IT DOESN'T USUALLY STEER YOU WRONG.
2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
Good luck but most of all enjoy!!!!!!
FULL NAME(Depending on the age of the person if he is still going by a nickname that is a clear indication of immaturity. If 35 and they're still talking about my name is ____ Gotti/Murda/Ski/Love/Etc walk away now!):
D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT(Not necessarily a need to know as women especially don't like to admit this but a man may have no problem with it):
SHOE SIZE(May not be a need to know unless you care to buy them some footwear but in that moment you can ask for this info. Ladies don't let that myth fool you either):
ZODIAC(This is not an exact science as to who you ideal mate is but if you're into astrology you know the basic characteristics of a zodiac sometimes is helpful.):
U.S. CITIZEN(This is important to many for various reasons):
IF NO ARE YOU IN PROCESS OF BECOMING A U/S/ CITIZEN? CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF?:
NICKNAMES/ALIAS(If they have an alias, RUN. Nicknames are cool because most people are given them from childhood but its usually close to what their real name is):
STATE OF CURRENT RESIDENCE(Very important especially for LDR's):
RENT OR OWN?(Shows responsibility, if you don't do either are you living off of someone):
HOMETOWN:
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HOUSEHOLD & WHO?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU MADE LESS $$ THAN YOUR MATE?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE NOT THE BREADWINNER IN A RELATIONSHIP?:
MARITAL STATUS(Clearly this is important unless you like dating those who are taken, but if not be diligent in getting a straight answer):
IF DIVORCED, HOW LONG?(This is also important, the length of time since a divorce will help you understand one's reservations/mixed emotions on dating/getting serious or just wanted to take things slow):
IF PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, HOW MANY TIMES & LENGTH OF MARRIAGE?:
IF PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES?:
IF NEVER MARRIED IS IT AN OPTION YOU WOULD CONSIDER?:
KIDS(SEX & AGES):
HAVE YOU EVER USED ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when):
IF NO CHILDREN DID YOU ALMOST HAVE SOME?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when. Emotions can still be raw depending on what happened):
IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME?:
QTY OF MOTHERS/FATHERS(This is important it shows a persons' pattern, pay close attention to this answer. It will also allow you to ask the next question):
CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHERS/FATHERS OF CHILDREN(No one wants to deal with drama from an ex, especially one you have kids with):
DO YOU PAY CHILD SUPPORT, VOLUNTARILY/INVOLUNTARILY(Either answer will have a story behind it, LISTEN CLOSELY):
EMPLOYER:
LENGTH OF TIME AT CURRENT EMPLOYER:
HOW MANY JOBS IN LAST 5 YEARS(Shows stability or lack there of):
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: IF MORE THAN ONCE, HOW MANY TIMES AND WHY?(If there is a pattern you'll decide if its something you can deal with or not):
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME IN JAIL/PRISON? LENGTH OF BID?(This is not an elimination question as we all make mistakes but you can judge for yourself if this is an issue for you):
DATE OF LAST HIV/AIDS TEST(VERY IMPORTANT):
CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF OF RESULTS?:
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BE TESTED BEFORE HAVING SEX?(NO IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER):
HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD(INCLUDING 1 NIGHT STANDS)?:
EVER HAD A THREESOME?(This question can be asked for different reasons):
CONDOM TYPE USED?:
EVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH THE SAME SEX?(This question will lead to other discussions, it may or may not be an elimination question depending on your history or what you're looking for):
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN STD? WHEN & WHAT?:
EVER SLEPT WITH A RELATIVE, KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY?(This may not be something you're comfy asking and may not be needed but it happens):
DO YOU CURRENTLY TAKE ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS? IF SO, LIST MEDICATION & REASON FOR TAKING:
RELIGION?(For those deeply into their religion/faith going into extreme detail is beneficial because so many people "present" themselves to be someone they're not to gain someone they want):
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD(WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THE MOST HIGH)?:
DO YOU ATTEND CHURCH, A MOSQUE, KINGDOM HALL, OR SYNAGOGUE REGULARLY:
IF NOT DO YOU READ THE BIBLE, QUA'RAN OR OTHER BOOK RELATED TO YOUR RELIGION REGULARLY?:
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA/GED?:
COLLEGE CREDITS OR COLLEGE DEGREE?:
IF DEGREE OBTAINED, WHAT COLLEGE AND YEAR?
MEMBER OF SORORITY/FRATERNITY?:
MEMBER OF MILITARY, IF SO WHAT BRANCH & HOW LONG?:
TATTOOS?:
HOW MANY AND LOCATION?:
GANG AFFILIATIONS(This can be one's upbringing and/or maybe their current lifestyle. You can decide how important this is to you):
PIERCINGS? IF SO HOW MANY & WHERE?:
FETISHES:
HOBBIES:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FOOD:
BOOK:
SONG:
SPORTS(PLAY(ED) OR LOVE TO WATCH):
HIDDEN TALENTS:
DO YOU OWN A SUIT?:
STATES VISITED:
COUNTRIES VISITED:
SIBLINGS(Finding out one's relationship with their siblings is very important):
POLITICAL VIEWS:
DO YOU VOTE? HAVE YOU EVER VOTED?:
ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO VOTE?:
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?(Find out the status of the license because you don't want to get pulled over and this person gets arrested, NOT GOOD):
EVER BEEN A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME?:
EVER HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST AN EX?:
EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DOMESTIC DISPUTE? EXPLAIN(This is an elimination question especially if one responds "I hit her/him because I was teaching them a lesson" or if they have stories that create a pattern. A one time incident is possibly excusable depending on the circumstances, we are human.):
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?:
FATHER?:
SIBLINGS?:
CO-WORKERS?:
EMPLOYER?:
IN FIVE YEARS WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN LIFE?:
ARE YOU HAPPY OR CONTENT?:
LIST 5 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT ARE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT:
DO YOU COLLECT ITEMS EX: CARS, SPORTS MEMORABILIA, BOOKS, ETC.:
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE:
WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 QUALITIES YOU CAN NOT SET ASIDE WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?:
PET PEEVES:
TURN ON(S):
TURN OFF(S):
EVER HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?:
HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A MATE?(This doesn't mean they're a cheater, hear the person out):
HAVE YOU EVER DESTROYED A MATE'S PROPERTY BECAUSE OF ANGER/REVENGE?:
ARE YOU CONTROLLING?:
JEALOUS?:
HAVE YOU EVER STALKED AN EX?:
HAVE YOU EVER USED ANY CREDIT CARDS OR MONEY OF A MATE'S WITHOUT ASKING?:
CHEAP?:
AN INDIAN GIVER?:
SELFISH?(I'm biased about this question because if one is selfless than you want to RUN from this person. One who is selfish will never admit to it but pay attention to their answer):
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX?:
DO YOU WATCH PORN?:
FAVORITE TYPE?:
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON'T DO SEXUALLY?:
EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?:
ARE YOU GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX'S?:
DO YOU FEEL MEN & WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS?: IF NOT WHY?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DATING/MARRYING A WOMAN/MAN WITH CHILDREN?(THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY DON'T):
IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN & WANTED THEM WOULD YOU ADOPT?:
BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
WORST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
(*The following questions can be asked early on but when things if they do get serious finding out about one's financial situation is important, not necessarily how much they make but their debt and spending habits is a need to know if you plan to go further with them)
*DO YOU HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?:
*CHECKING?:
*401K/RETIREMENT PLAN?:
*CREDIT CARDS?:
HEALTH INSURANCE?:
DENTAL INSURANCE?:
LIFE INSURANCE?:
CAR INSURANCE, IF APPLICABLE?:
*CREDIT SCORE?:
WOULD YOU DATE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE?:
WHAT ARE THE AGES OF YOUR DATING RANGE?:
PERSONALITY TYPE A OR B?:
NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU AND WHY?:
LIST 3 COMMON THINGS I'D HEAR FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU THE MOST?:
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 8 WORDS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED AND WHY?:
HOW DID YOU FEEL AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE DUMPED?:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?:
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD?(This is VERY important especially if you're a long term kind of relationship person. If the answer is under a year find out why):
(*These questions are important because it lets you know and ask more questions about where a person was in their life if any of these apply to them. How they manage life, stress, emotions are things you will get from these questions. Plus addiction is a huge thing to handle!)
*DO YOU SMOKE OR HAVE EVER SMOKED CIGARETTES?:
*WEED?:
*METH?:
*HEROIN?:
*ANY OTHER DRUG(S)?:
DRINK?
SOCIAL DRINKER?:
FAVORITE PHRASE?:
YOUR MOTTO?:
HAVE YOU EVER SOLD DRUGS?:
HAVE ANY ADDICTIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?:
ANY FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH ISSUES I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?(This is a question to be asked when things are serious):
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A MATE GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE/FB PAGE/EMAILS?(There is always emotion or a story behind this, LOL):
HAVE YOU EVER DATED SOMEONE YOU MET ONLINE?:
AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP?:
ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS?:
DO YOU COOK/ARE YOU WILLING TO LEARN?:
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP/TRYING TO GET TO KNOW?:
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM(For sports fans you know this is critical, LOL):
IN CLOSING ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVIDE 3 REFERENCES (EX'S):
3 REFERENCES(FRIENDS):
*ASKING A LOT ABOUT ONE'S FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP HISTORY IS IMPORTANT
NOW I MAY HAVE MISSED A FEW THINGS PLEASE ADD ON IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE THAT CAN BE REVISED AT ANYTIME. PEOPLE FORGET WHEN DATING ITS A PROCESS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR HESITANT TO ASK ANY QUESTION NO MATTER HOW OUT THERE THEY ARE. IF YOU VALUE IT THEN YOU NEED TO ASK TO SEE IF THE "POTENTIAL" DOES AS WELL. NEVER SETTLE! WHEN YOU SETTLE YOU COMPROMISE AND USUALLY END UP IN A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN. WHEN ASKING ANY ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS OR ONE YOU ADD ON TO THIS AND THAT PERSON HESITATES YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GONNA LIE OR TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING. IN THAT MOMENT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT A BLINK YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A GREAT MATCH BUT BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS WE ALL KNOW THE DEVIL HAS MANY DISGUISES. NO ONE IS PERFECT SO IF ITS ALL YOU WANT TO HEAR STEP BACK AND EVALUATE. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS IT DOESN'T USUALLY STEER YOU WRONG.
2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
Friday, July 8, 2011
Love Struck
You're the love of my life that I'd never thought I'd find
With my very devoted heart I love you deeply
You're always on my mind
You make me feel like that special diamond waiting to shine
When I look into your eyes I'm proud to say you're all mine
I never knew love could be so strong but yet make me feel so weak
When I first laid eyes on you
I was swept off of my feet
I'm so happy you love me and always will
Plus the bond we have and the security you instill
You make me feel whole and bring out the best in me
How could I NOT know?
How could I NOT see?
That there will never be another man for me
You are my life and everything in between
We've done it all and everything has been seen
I love you
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©October 1997
I wrote this poem when I was 20 year old mother of a 2 year old. I was involved with a 19 year old young man who I knew was "the one" from the moment I met him. Funny thing is he was definitely "the one" BUT at that time in my life I was not "the one" for him. Now at 33 I fully understand why. Often times we think we're ready for something/someone but if its NOT in the plan laid out for your life TRUST it will be taken from you in some way, shape or form.
When we're 16-25 maybe older depending on your relationship history and when you started to get into the opposite sex we all think we KNOW and UNDERSTAND how we feel in regards to love. What I know love to be now at 33 I was NOT thinking at 20 hell at 17 for that matter. Love was a feeling in that stage and if I felt I felt it, so it was! Many of us have loved or fell in love for some of the stupidest reasons(I see you shaking your head, so am I, LOL). Its funny how I look back at my life and relationships and see so many mistakes. Largely from lack of guidance but the 33 year old m is happy I've had those lessons, learned from many of them, still learning from them and trying to get to a place where the effects of those lessons do not neutralize my emotions from being in a relationship going forward. I also share my experiences to help others because I KNOW I'm not the ONLY one who thought at 17-25 what LOVE really was. I'm sure many of you ready this are shaking your heads, laughing, crying or all three because you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Thanks for reading/sharing your comments
With my very devoted heart I love you deeply
You're always on my mind
You make me feel like that special diamond waiting to shine
When I look into your eyes I'm proud to say you're all mine
I never knew love could be so strong but yet make me feel so weak
When I first laid eyes on you
I was swept off of my feet
I'm so happy you love me and always will
Plus the bond we have and the security you instill
You make me feel whole and bring out the best in me
How could I NOT know?
How could I NOT see?
That there will never be another man for me
You are my life and everything in between
We've done it all and everything has been seen
I love you
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©October 1997
I wrote this poem when I was 20 year old mother of a 2 year old. I was involved with a 19 year old young man who I knew was "the one" from the moment I met him. Funny thing is he was definitely "the one" BUT at that time in my life I was not "the one" for him. Now at 33 I fully understand why. Often times we think we're ready for something/someone but if its NOT in the plan laid out for your life TRUST it will be taken from you in some way, shape or form.
When we're 16-25 maybe older depending on your relationship history and when you started to get into the opposite sex we all think we KNOW and UNDERSTAND how we feel in regards to love. What I know love to be now at 33 I was NOT thinking at 20 hell at 17 for that matter. Love was a feeling in that stage and if I felt I felt it, so it was! Many of us have loved or fell in love for some of the stupidest reasons(I see you shaking your head, so am I, LOL). Its funny how I look back at my life and relationships and see so many mistakes. Largely from lack of guidance but the 33 year old m is happy I've had those lessons, learned from many of them, still learning from them and trying to get to a place where the effects of those lessons do not neutralize my emotions from being in a relationship going forward. I also share my experiences to help others because I KNOW I'm not the ONLY one who thought at 17-25 what LOVE really was. I'm sure many of you ready this are shaking your heads, laughing, crying or all three because you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Thanks for reading/sharing your comments
Friday, June 24, 2011
Message In My Words
I can touch the world with my fingertips
and isolate myself in the same stroke
Paint the world how I see it
Full of love and hope
Brush away all fears and negativity
The only purpose for darkness would be that I
let it consume me
I've been to that place a few times already
Working 2 stay on course
Full speed ahead yet steady
Looking back at my past
THANKFUL I made it through
Looking forward to my future asking God to
help me "make it do what it do"
He's allowed me to stay in touch with MY SOUL
His tools of choice, a pen and paper
I could always find whatever he needed me to see there
At times missing the message in my own words
Stagnant for a long time
He screamed
I listened
and
I never turned back
been blessed ever since
There is NOTHING I lack
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
WHY ARE YOU MAD?
Often times we place so much blame and anger on others for where we are at a particular point in our lives that we NEVER look at ourselves for being the sole reason we are there. We're mad at everyone including God for not having something or another we feel we deserve NEVER thinking for one second WE DON"T DESERVE IT! We fail to realize just because we want something doesn't mean we should have it.
To start off let me show you my take on a few things and from there you think about it, it may come off harsh and hurtful but hey that's what the TRUTH feels like! My overall goal is to make you see and look inside before you deflect that energy on any and everyone around you. I stay focused on women because being a woman I know what I've done(mistakes by the boat loads) and I don't want any woman or young girl to go through the unnecessary if they just take the time to embrace what I'm saying. Although many of you won't listen because you're looking like "who the hell does she think she is?"
I'll tell you who I am, I'm a woman many people can learn from. My life can be a handbook for you to live by. I'm NOT saying its the end all to your problems or issues but TRUST it will help.
WOMEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE A GOOD MAN
First off do you know what a good man is? Many of us do not depending on your age and experiences in life because for a long time I didn't. I always knew they existed but I also knew every woman didn't deserve "him". We often see the "gold diggers/hoes/sidepieces/etc" getting the "good man" but what we miss is that just because they have a lifestyle we don't or appear to be enjoying everything they are missing out on a hell of a lot. Some "women" are not good women so they don't deserve the "good man". There are some women who have slept with a LARGE number of men, sold their pussy for whatever they felt it was worth and then one day decide I'm tired of living like this. Then then dress up and go to church every Sunday looking for "the good man", coming across as something they NEVER were or will EVER be. You also have some women who think if they get this "good man" it will make them better, for the record IT WON'T!
You also have the woman who is from the "hood" who in many settings come off to the "good man" as being the woman he is looking for but her upbringing and environment have kept her isolated from his world. She can only go but so far with him.
There is also the woman who NEVER learns from her relationship history and seeks out a "good man" not realizing she is the issue not the men she's dated.
Now you're 30 or 40+ wondering why you're single/not married, well I'll give you a hint, IT'S YOU!
It has nothing to do with the lack of good men for the most part. If you take a survey of your life ask yourself first: What is a good man? Would a know a good man if I came across him? What do I have to offer a god man aside from sex? Who am I in a relationship? Am I willing to be dedicated to one man through the good and the bad?
If you can truly answer these questions you are off to a good start.
I'm also speaking from experience, which I usually do, I haven't been the best pick of character for many of the men I have dated thus it hindered me from finding the good man.
Also know that every woman isn't meant to be married/is wife material/girlfriend material and every man isn't meant to be a husband/boyfriend. I got that lesson from a very dear friend who is a man! Some of us have the lives we have to be a lesson to someone else, sometimes its a lesson to show what one should do and sometimes its a lesson to show others what NOT TO DO!
In the end many women DON'T DESERVE A GOOD MAN just like many men DON'T DESERVE A
GOOD WOMAN. The hard part is figuring out who you are and who you deserve.
MEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BY A WOMAN
There are some men out there who have the mentality women are put here to make their lives easier especially the men who don't have a damn thing to offer. No job, no money, living at home with their mama, a jail record, no education, etc... These men are opportunist they scope out the women who can do for them and give them just enough for her to keep taking care of him. Ladies many of us have come across this type. We see the "potential" they have and give them the world meanwhile they are just hanging around until we get tired of them. Many of us waste years with these types thinking things will change, IT WON'T, RUN NOW if you have this type in your life!
CHOOSING WHO YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH
Many of us have FAILED is this department BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of us saw signs but thought LOVE(LMBO) was going to make a difference. If we paid attention many of us would've NEVER had kids with who we did.
FOR THE LADIES
Don't think for one second if he has a child already depending on the sex of that child if you have the opposite sex of what he has that he will be a better father to yours than he is to the previous child.
Don't think because he didn't grow up with a father that he will be a great one.
Don't think you can change him or keep him if you have a child with him.
Don't think him having a child will help him grow up.
WAKE UP LADIES we are partially if not all of the reason most of our children don't have their father in their life and that we are single parents. YES US!!! Look back at your situation and TRUST you will see signs that were screaming out at you NOT to have kids with this man but you ignored them and went on ahead thinking you knew it all and things would be different. Then when things don't pan out how you want them to you're mad at him and all he did was show you who he was but you ignored it all. TRUST me I've done it! Now you're taking him to child support court, causing all types of drama in his life because your dumb ass made a bad choice. TRUST me he's sleeping wonderful at night while your all pissed not taking responsibility for your part in how your life is now. STOP IT, forget about him and focus ON dealing with the consequences of your actions. YOU can't make a man be a father if its NOT in him to begin with!
THE CATTINESS/COMPETITION BETWEEN WOMEN
Ladies STOP THE BS!!!!! Stop competing against one another because its a waste of time. All the time you're devoting to competing against this one and that one you're taking away from making yourself great! Stop competing with women for men. A man may look at you for something he may look at a woman similar to you for very different reasons. Men are complex in that way! If you appear to be easy vs a woman he has to work at to get, depending on where he's at in life he will go for the easier one just because. It doesn't mean you are anything less of another woman he just doesn't want to go through the leaps and bounds to get what you have to offer. Stop defining yourself by men because some men will use that against you thus you're being catty with other women for no damn reason. It's a damn shame more of us can't be friends without the she say she say and the don't look at my man that way attitude, etc... I don't compete with any woman in this world first of all because I know who I am and if a man doesn't want what I have to offer then he clearly is not the one I should be walking through fire to get. SIMPLE AS THAT!
Remember a man is only going to do what you allow him to do. Tap into the power you have. Get your mental in order, get your self-esteem on high and move forward!
STOP MARRYING MEN & THEN CHANGING
If you showed him all of you and gave all of yourself before marriage, yes I'm including sexually DON"T think for a minute that should stop because he put a ring on it! Far too many of you have these great husbands and don't do a damn thing to keep them. TRUST what you WON'T do or you feel that you're comfortable and he's NOT going anywhere think again because in time he will wise up and LEAVE YOU OR CHEAT. What you won't do someone will do and often times do it BETTER! To maintain your marriage you have to do everything on 1000. The key is giving your husband everything he needs and wants so he doesn't look for it elsewhere. Granted its all about knowing his wants and needs and not looking at him as a typical man. If you gave him sex everyday before marriage granted after marriage when kids are added and a work schedule can be more complex give it to him every other day, compromise. If you gave him head before marriage don't think you're going to stop afterwards. If you cooked for him before marriage DO NOT let that man come home to take out or TV dinners so often that he forgot you knew how to cook. If you worked before don't think you're going to sit around and do nothing afterwards. He married you with the intent you would be the same after marriage not a person he would've never married in the 1st place.
FELLAS STOP MARRYING THE IMPOSTOR WHO LATER GIVES YOU NOTHING
I've heard many stories of men who marry women for all the wrong reasons: she was pregnant, we've been together for a long time, she's done things no other woman has, etc... then after marriage she becomes who she really is(LOL @ the stories I've heard). So many of you are tricked by women into marriage and by the time you realize it its too late, you're so deep in the game its more of a hassle to get out of then how easily she got you into it. Many stories I've heard are men who marry women who they don't have enough of a connection they never would've gotten married in the 1st place. If you're a man of God who takes religion seriously marry someone in your faith who takes it just as serious. Allow her to show you her devotion to her faith and test her because anyone can quote scriptures, go to church and all the church functions but HAVE NO CLUE what's going on and can not interpret any of those scriptures. Remember the devil can take on any shape and form. If you are a man who loves sports don't connect with a woman who doesn't because when you're watching the game she wants to spend quality time with you. When you want to hang with the fellas and go to games/sports bars she's going to give you a hard time. If you're a man who is very physical/open in the bedroom don't marry someone who's the complete opposite, IT WON'T work, it will create all types of tension. If you're a man who likes quality, knows how to manage money and values future goals financially don't marry someone who is materialistic, follows trends and wants what ever is out and has no long term goals financially, you're going to battle over buying a stick of butter! If you're a man who loves a home cooked meal don't marry a woman who only knows how to make reservations or thinks a home cooked meal is hot dogs and french fries or cooking in the microwave means she can cook.
Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what your not. In the end you'll find the right match for you.
Most if not all I wrote can go for men and women, largely its just my insight on reality and what we all can learn from it if we're just real with ourselves. LYING will get you nowhere but at the start line time and time again!
To start off let me show you my take on a few things and from there you think about it, it may come off harsh and hurtful but hey that's what the TRUTH feels like! My overall goal is to make you see and look inside before you deflect that energy on any and everyone around you. I stay focused on women because being a woman I know what I've done(mistakes by the boat loads) and I don't want any woman or young girl to go through the unnecessary if they just take the time to embrace what I'm saying. Although many of you won't listen because you're looking like "who the hell does she think she is?"
I'll tell you who I am, I'm a woman many people can learn from. My life can be a handbook for you to live by. I'm NOT saying its the end all to your problems or issues but TRUST it will help.
WOMEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE A GOOD MAN
First off do you know what a good man is? Many of us do not depending on your age and experiences in life because for a long time I didn't. I always knew they existed but I also knew every woman didn't deserve "him". We often see the "gold diggers/hoes/sidepieces/etc" getting the "good man" but what we miss is that just because they have a lifestyle we don't or appear to be enjoying everything they are missing out on a hell of a lot. Some "women" are not good women so they don't deserve the "good man". There are some women who have slept with a LARGE number of men, sold their pussy for whatever they felt it was worth and then one day decide I'm tired of living like this. Then then dress up and go to church every Sunday looking for "the good man", coming across as something they NEVER were or will EVER be. You also have some women who think if they get this "good man" it will make them better, for the record IT WON'T!
You also have the woman who is from the "hood" who in many settings come off to the "good man" as being the woman he is looking for but her upbringing and environment have kept her isolated from his world. She can only go but so far with him.
There is also the woman who NEVER learns from her relationship history and seeks out a "good man" not realizing she is the issue not the men she's dated.
Now you're 30 or 40+ wondering why you're single/not married, well I'll give you a hint, IT'S YOU!
It has nothing to do with the lack of good men for the most part. If you take a survey of your life ask yourself first: What is a good man? Would a know a good man if I came across him? What do I have to offer a god man aside from sex? Who am I in a relationship? Am I willing to be dedicated to one man through the good and the bad?
If you can truly answer these questions you are off to a good start.
I'm also speaking from experience, which I usually do, I haven't been the best pick of character for many of the men I have dated thus it hindered me from finding the good man.
Also know that every woman isn't meant to be married/is wife material/girlfriend material and every man isn't meant to be a husband/boyfriend. I got that lesson from a very dear friend who is a man! Some of us have the lives we have to be a lesson to someone else, sometimes its a lesson to show what one should do and sometimes its a lesson to show others what NOT TO DO!
In the end many women DON'T DESERVE A GOOD MAN just like many men DON'T DESERVE A
GOOD WOMAN. The hard part is figuring out who you are and who you deserve.
MEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BY A WOMAN
There are some men out there who have the mentality women are put here to make their lives easier especially the men who don't have a damn thing to offer. No job, no money, living at home with their mama, a jail record, no education, etc... These men are opportunist they scope out the women who can do for them and give them just enough for her to keep taking care of him. Ladies many of us have come across this type. We see the "potential" they have and give them the world meanwhile they are just hanging around until we get tired of them. Many of us waste years with these types thinking things will change, IT WON'T, RUN NOW if you have this type in your life!
CHOOSING WHO YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH
Many of us have FAILED is this department BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of us saw signs but thought LOVE(LMBO) was going to make a difference. If we paid attention many of us would've NEVER had kids with who we did.
FOR THE LADIES
Don't think for one second if he has a child already depending on the sex of that child if you have the opposite sex of what he has that he will be a better father to yours than he is to the previous child.
Don't think because he didn't grow up with a father that he will be a great one.
Don't think you can change him or keep him if you have a child with him.
Don't think him having a child will help him grow up.
WAKE UP LADIES we are partially if not all of the reason most of our children don't have their father in their life and that we are single parents. YES US!!! Look back at your situation and TRUST you will see signs that were screaming out at you NOT to have kids with this man but you ignored them and went on ahead thinking you knew it all and things would be different. Then when things don't pan out how you want them to you're mad at him and all he did was show you who he was but you ignored it all. TRUST me I've done it! Now you're taking him to child support court, causing all types of drama in his life because your dumb ass made a bad choice. TRUST me he's sleeping wonderful at night while your all pissed not taking responsibility for your part in how your life is now. STOP IT, forget about him and focus ON dealing with the consequences of your actions. YOU can't make a man be a father if its NOT in him to begin with!
THE CATTINESS/COMPETITION BETWEEN WOMEN
Ladies STOP THE BS!!!!! Stop competing against one another because its a waste of time. All the time you're devoting to competing against this one and that one you're taking away from making yourself great! Stop competing with women for men. A man may look at you for something he may look at a woman similar to you for very different reasons. Men are complex in that way! If you appear to be easy vs a woman he has to work at to get, depending on where he's at in life he will go for the easier one just because. It doesn't mean you are anything less of another woman he just doesn't want to go through the leaps and bounds to get what you have to offer. Stop defining yourself by men because some men will use that against you thus you're being catty with other women for no damn reason. It's a damn shame more of us can't be friends without the she say she say and the don't look at my man that way attitude, etc... I don't compete with any woman in this world first of all because I know who I am and if a man doesn't want what I have to offer then he clearly is not the one I should be walking through fire to get. SIMPLE AS THAT!
Remember a man is only going to do what you allow him to do. Tap into the power you have. Get your mental in order, get your self-esteem on high and move forward!
STOP MARRYING MEN & THEN CHANGING
If you showed him all of you and gave all of yourself before marriage, yes I'm including sexually DON"T think for a minute that should stop because he put a ring on it! Far too many of you have these great husbands and don't do a damn thing to keep them. TRUST what you WON'T do or you feel that you're comfortable and he's NOT going anywhere think again because in time he will wise up and LEAVE YOU OR CHEAT. What you won't do someone will do and often times do it BETTER! To maintain your marriage you have to do everything on 1000. The key is giving your husband everything he needs and wants so he doesn't look for it elsewhere. Granted its all about knowing his wants and needs and not looking at him as a typical man. If you gave him sex everyday before marriage granted after marriage when kids are added and a work schedule can be more complex give it to him every other day, compromise. If you gave him head before marriage don't think you're going to stop afterwards. If you cooked for him before marriage DO NOT let that man come home to take out or TV dinners so often that he forgot you knew how to cook. If you worked before don't think you're going to sit around and do nothing afterwards. He married you with the intent you would be the same after marriage not a person he would've never married in the 1st place.
FELLAS STOP MARRYING THE IMPOSTOR WHO LATER GIVES YOU NOTHING
I've heard many stories of men who marry women for all the wrong reasons: she was pregnant, we've been together for a long time, she's done things no other woman has, etc... then after marriage she becomes who she really is(LOL @ the stories I've heard). So many of you are tricked by women into marriage and by the time you realize it its too late, you're so deep in the game its more of a hassle to get out of then how easily she got you into it. Many stories I've heard are men who marry women who they don't have enough of a connection they never would've gotten married in the 1st place. If you're a man of God who takes religion seriously marry someone in your faith who takes it just as serious. Allow her to show you her devotion to her faith and test her because anyone can quote scriptures, go to church and all the church functions but HAVE NO CLUE what's going on and can not interpret any of those scriptures. Remember the devil can take on any shape and form. If you are a man who loves sports don't connect with a woman who doesn't because when you're watching the game she wants to spend quality time with you. When you want to hang with the fellas and go to games/sports bars she's going to give you a hard time. If you're a man who is very physical/open in the bedroom don't marry someone who's the complete opposite, IT WON'T work, it will create all types of tension. If you're a man who likes quality, knows how to manage money and values future goals financially don't marry someone who is materialistic, follows trends and wants what ever is out and has no long term goals financially, you're going to battle over buying a stick of butter! If you're a man who loves a home cooked meal don't marry a woman who only knows how to make reservations or thinks a home cooked meal is hot dogs and french fries or cooking in the microwave means she can cook.
Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what your not. In the end you'll find the right match for you.
Most if not all I wrote can go for men and women, largely its just my insight on reality and what we all can learn from it if we're just real with ourselves. LYING will get you nowhere but at the start line time and time again!
SECRETS
There are many dark places one wishes not to claim
BUT lately they have ALL been calling your name
You try to ignore them and keep them inside
It's time for the secrets to be told
You can no longer hide
Secrets can destroy you and become your worst enemy
They're always lurking around whispering "You can't run from me"
They will catch up to you when you least expect
Your tactics of suppression or trying to deflect
WON'T work
The more you try the more they present themselves
They become you
Prison isn't necessarily a place
It can be a state of mind
The more you keep in a damaging secret
The longer your time
Free yourself from the prison you've created
Let them go
Don't remain incarcerated.
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1998, 2011
BUT lately they have ALL been calling your name
You try to ignore them and keep them inside
It's time for the secrets to be told
You can no longer hide
Secrets can destroy you and become your worst enemy
They're always lurking around whispering "You can't run from me"
They will catch up to you when you least expect
Your tactics of suppression or trying to deflect
WON'T work
The more you try the more they present themselves
They become you
Prison isn't necessarily a place
It can be a state of mind
The more you keep in a damaging secret
The longer your time
Free yourself from the prison you've created
Let them go
Don't remain incarcerated.
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1998, 2011
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