UNTITLED

It’s been awhile since I put pen to paper
Always had the outlook I’ll do it later
So much of life has happened to me in these past few years
So much sh*t if I told someone it would bring them to tears
I brush it off and keep things moving
Just like anyone else I know
I’ve got some improving to do
When you have so much going on with one problem bigger than the last
You save face and keep pushing fast
Let them catch you when they can
If your one step ahead of them hell you might win the game,
LIFE
Can tear you down to nothing if you let it
Set some goals and put your priorities into perspective
I don’t complain about my issues let alone worry about myself
My pride has me on high so I don’t ask for help
This will either make me or break me
Mold me or fold me
Either I get in control or just let it be

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2007

I CAN'T BREATHE

I FEEL THE TIGHTNESS INSIDE OF ME
I CAN'T SEE
I CAN'T BREATHE
MY HEART IS RACING
TOO SCARED TO IMAGINE WHAT I'M FACING
MY FEAR IS ON HIGH
AS I WATCH THE FEAR DANCE IN MY DAUGHTER'S EYES
I'M ALL ALONE IN HERE
WITH EVERY BREATH
THERE COMES A TEARS
I CAN'T BREATHE
I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN
BUT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH AIR
I CLOSE MY EYES TO GAIN CONTROL
IT'S OVER
I CAN'T BREATHE ANYMORE

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2001

BEFORE

MISTAKES HAVE TO HAPPEN
BEFORE WE LEARN
WE HAVE TO DO
BEFORE WE EARN
PROBLEMS WILL START
BEFORE THEY'RE SOLVED
COMPLICATIONS HAVE TO APPEAR
BEFORE THEY ARE RESOLVED
LOVE HAS TO HAPPEN
BEFORE THE HEARTS ARE TO BE BROKEN
OPPORTUNITY HAS TO KNOCK
BEFORE THE DOORS OPEN
THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN
THEN WE START FROM THERE
PICTURES COME ON T.V.
BEFORE WE STARE

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©1993

MY NEW YORK

In my New York the MTA stands for Might Take All day
Always running but not at your pace
Shuttle bus on the weekends
Something always out of place
In my New York we move to a different beat
Slick talking, hustle always on
Fast paced, we rock to a different song
Some hoods are crazy and some suburbs low key
Compared to where you’re from nothing is like my city
In my New York the lingo is bananas
From Queens Brooklyn the Bronx to Manhattan
We can’t forget the Island of Staten
I love this city no matter how far I go away
From the culture in Harlem, the Latin flavor in the Bronx to the beaches of Far Rockaway
This is my city all day everyday
In my New York “The Melting Pot” it is
Many places to go: South Street Seaport, the Deuce, City Island, Chelsea Piers
So many landmarks you have no idea
Come to my city just once if you’ve never been
We have our problems like any other city every now and then
In my New York there is a parade for almost any and everything
Gay Pride, Thanksgiving, St. Pat’s, Puerto Rican and West Indian Day and a lot in between
In my New York crooked cops get away with a lot
Abner Louima, Sean Bell 50 shots

Many days never forgotten
The Blackout of 2003, 9/11, the miracle on the Hudson, and when the Yankees win the World Series
In my New York
The city that NEVER sleeps


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2007

HATE

I hate what you’ve done to me

You’ve made it so I constantly live in misery

Sometimes I suppress what happened that night

How easily you took from me because I was too terrified to fight

You had my life in your hands and almost made the decision to end it

I watched you go from loving to deranged in a second

You hurt me mentally and physically just to prove a point

How was I supposed to know the person you previously showed me was a front?

I hate what you did to my mind

You took so much from me that I blocked it out for a long time

My subconscious protected me

For I was not ready to deal

For months the nightmares I was having didn’t seem real

I would toss and turn all night

I would withdraw from society because I didn’t know how to feel

I hate what you did to my heart

You made me not trust or feel safe around anyone

It’s a struggling process, that didn’t have a good start

I push people away when I know they are good for me

I thought the same about you

Good for me, HA!

Your love wasn’t love; you destroyed me because of hate

You say I lied to you constantly

How can I lie to someone who was a lie to me?

You made it seem like I led you on

Although you were determined to prove you were right and I was wrong

That made you feel good that you could justify your actions

By saying I implied we were something

WE WERE NOT!

I know you remember what you did to me it’s not something you forgot

I hate you for not putting me out of my misery

But of course you didn’t do that because you wanted me to suffer

Since it’s embedded in my memory

I hate what you did to my body

You took something that if you loved properly could be given so freely

The scars you left me with were not only physical

They are still with me today

Sometimes I block them out praying they’ll go away

I’ve tried taking them head on to prove to myself that I’m ok

But I still have a long long way to go

It took many years to talk about it let alone write it down for others to see

But it’s a healing process I set up for me

I’ve still never actually said the words out loud to anyone else

I’m still trying to say the words to myself

I know the extremes you’ve been to when you felt someone was a threat to you

You destroy them and watch them crumble to pieces from what you put them through

I WILL SURVIVE this to move on with my life

I need someone to love me more than I love myself

Sometimes I can’t take it anymore and feel if I wasn’t here this wouldn’t haunt me

That’s not hard to tell

But all that would happen is I’d meet you in the afterlife and we’d both suffer together in hell

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

LMJ ©2003

DREAM

I used to wake up in a cold sweat

Screaming and fighting trying to connect

My dreams to my reality

In visions I had that never resembled me

I’d be scared all the time

Never liked to be closed in

Withdrew from the world even from friends

I could never put pieces together

Or put a face on what I saw

My visions were so flawed

It took a long time of flashbacks and triggers to realize the connection

And how I subconsciously knew how to protect it

It changed me in a way I never thought possible

Became someone different right in front of you

Fear and pain has taken over

Now strength and freedom hid in a place where insecurity and nervousness now live

I never thought this to be the cause of my “about face” or really looked at what was taking place

You stole something from me that can’t be given back

Things like trusting people and a real sense of security

It’s taken a long time but I’m partially back on track

I no longer wake up in a cold sweat because I no longer dream

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
­­©2002

REST IN PEACE CHRISTOPHER "B.I.G" WALLACE

Brooklyn mourns especially today

For this day six years ago someone took you away

Your home going was fit for a king

As the tribute songs played on the radio we stopped once we heard Faith sing

We felt pain and anger

As those close to you felt danger

They never thought it to be real

When your first album dropped we felt your flavor

We never thought your friendship with Pac would destroy you later

You will always be remembered by those who love you

They will never let you be forgotten

From Mrs. Wallace, your kids, Diddy, the music industry, fans, Faith to Kim

You are one of the trees that grew in Brooklyn

There will never be a question or thought of maybe

You are one of the best BIG BABY!

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

­©2003