In pain feeling physically helpless
I close my eyes because I'm restless
I've been here before
Trying to relax and not feel anymore
Only talking to God
Trying not to speak, I can only nod
Tears falling rapidly silently praying
Is the pain the first step in the process,
delaying
If I died, who would miss me?
Or will I become a faded picture a part of fond memories?
My mind too rattled to think clearly
At times it feels like I'm only here spiritually
As I lay here alone in the dark
Bruised but not broken
So done with hoping
I lay still
Listen to the silence
And start to reminisce
I've been here before
Tested and challenged
As I breathe slowly and feel a sense of fading
I wonder
If I died, will anyone be changed by my absence?
Will it be a shock or after awhile like I never existed?
I've been here before
Alone with empty promises of support and the disappearance of many
I've become immune to those vibes sent to me
Always went to my place of comfort
My pen, my pad and my thoughts
If I died, what would be said about me?
She was one of the good ones or this was going to happen eventually?
I've been here before
I've died a few times already
Crushed by personal losses
I put in a place I've locked away
Never to reopen because its a waste
If I died, I'd be shattered
Lost in translation
Wondering if I mattered.................
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
Thanking GOD ALMIGHTY that you are here! We have all had those thoughts and this is amazing because some of us have those thoughts willingly, when life begins to go wrong/when contemplating taking our own lives. It's amazing that God allows us the opportunity to think it through, to feel every single bump, the pain, the confusion, joy, fear...it really really makes us value life all the more! I love you so much, Sis! May you walk DIRECTLY into your purpose in God! NO DETOURS!
ReplyDeleteI love it sis! Very thought provoking and sensual. Two thumbs up! :-)
ReplyDelete*tears* I love that you posted this so freely and shared it with us all. So many have visited this place and do not have the strength to reflect on it later, much less write about it and share. You would truly be missed and my heart would not be the same had our paths not crossed. So glad you are still with us, #teaminsomnia, words of wisdom, and great friendship. You have enriched my life with your presence. Please, if you ever wander back to this place, know that you have reached at least one (and I'm pretty sure many more).
ReplyDeleteawesome as usual.... you rock dearest!
ReplyDeleteWOW.. I often think like this but you really summed it up here.
ReplyDeleteThank U all 4 the comments, I'm tearing up! U R all part of the reason I continue! U each have touched a place N me I would have not had the courage 2 share B4 had we not crossed paths! I love U all dearly!
ReplyDeleteWow. You make me want to start writing poetry again. I used to write all the time when I was younger. MSOP, indeed!
ReplyDeleteIt is deep and dark question. Well written very dark.
ReplyDeleteCurtis E. Scott
This piece nearly brought tears to my eyes. I truly believe when that day comes, and I hope it's a long way off, that you'll be missed. You have bared your soul in order to touch the soul of others and I am so happy to be one of them.
ReplyDeletePeace Queen, very thought provoking. The subject of mortality is not easy to write about, but your take on it is very refreshing. Peace and light beloved.
ReplyDeleteYou have much disclose within, but know that there is no greater blessing than life. It is wonderful thing to have the gift of expression, and you use it well.
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT SO POWERFUL...
ReplyDeleteTHANK U ALL 4 UR WORDS I TRULY APPRECIATE U!THIS WAS DEFINITELY HARD 2 WRITE BUT THE RELEASE WAS SO NEEDED!
ReplyDelete