SPECIAL DELIVERY VALENTINE

Every year February 14th makes everyone feel some sort of way whether good or bad. I've had my share of emotions *flashbacks going in full speed*. This was the 1st year in a long time Valentine's Day wasn't an issue early way. I was in a "spread love" mood. It did help that someone made it the best day of the year for me so far, giving me the best gift I've ever received. It was so great I wanted to share the gifts we exchanged with one another.




From Him 2 Me:

Even though it's been an interesting start.

It's Valentine's Day, and we're miles apart.

I'm somewhat sad, and somewhat mad.

But at the end of the day, I'm glad.

I'm glad that we "met"

Even if we met online.

If things were different maybe you would be mine...

Maybe I would be yours.

But would we have passion?

Of course we would! Right?

I would give you all my heart and all my might.

Yes!... All day and all night!

I would dive into your ocean and swim with all my motion.

My emotions... for you... would run deep.

Your heart would be mine to keep.

And at night...

I wouldn't let you sleep.

I would awake you to take you into my dream land.

It would be a place...

A place where we can be more than just friends....

A place where we could express all of our feelings and emotions too.

Yeah, you would be my boo.

So again... Happy Valentine's Day!



This was a little poem that I wrote from me to you.

I wrote it this evening on my way home when I was on the train





From Me 2 Him:

You are a sweet melody I want to hear all the time,

Far away physically but your memory is locked in my mind.

Chatting with you makes my day,

Although sad sometimes I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'd rather know you than to have never "met" you at all,

Your like a hand being held out to me after a fall.

I'll enjoy the moments we share,

I'd be lying if I said I didn't care,

either way I'm happy you're here.

Thank you for the smiles and the laughter,

Sometimes I think you are what I'm after.

You made this Valentine's Day the best I've ever had,

I'm glad I "met" you as well as sad.

Happy Valentine's Day.



2 people connecting with words because that's all they have & sometimes that's all that's needed.

MY TESTIMONY

I was sitting at my desk trying to finish poems I had started when something

said read the Daniel Fast Devotional for yesterday and today so I can be on

track. I started reading the 5th day devotional: Take Every Thought Captive and

the 6th day devotional: The Kingdom Of God. I got halfway through the 6th day devotional and decided

to write down some notes and scriptures from the book as well as other

scriptures that have been recommended to me. I wanted to breakdown what I've

learned so far but my pen was willed another way and instead of being a personal

memo it became this blog post. I am a vessel!

Some of you know about my journey of spiritual closeness and working on having a better

relationship with God, well this journey has been very EYE OPENING! I've always

known the power of God but had not really studied the bible in any extent. I

knew the Lord's prayer and some of the Commandments. Mere basics but many of you can relate, you may know a little more than me and some of you may know less. Ever since my car accident

I've known I was blessed to make it through for a purpose. Once my car stopped

flipping and I landed on my side the person driving behind me approached my car,

his first words were "Is anybody alive in there?" I was already out of my seat

belt trying to figure out how to get out of the car since it was on its side.

When I heard his words I laughed. Although I was in the car and alert watching

myself flip I didn't think it was that bad. He helped me out and his face was

full of shock. He couldn't believe I was unharmed and alert. I kept assuring him

I was fine, thanking him and saying I didn't want an ambulance. Once the cops came and flipped my car

over then I realized how it could have ended. My car landed on the gas tank

side. I cried then at the thought of my car possibly blowing up. Prior to my

accident I've been through a lot and each time my strength has gotten me through

solely because I know its God's will. I many times have failed myself but He

has NEVER failed me! This time he "showed" me how he works. On this journey I've

looked to outside sources for help and soon learned I had to continue to do so. I've always been the type to hold in things and deal with them my way, its a heavy burden. I've let go of a

lot of people/things and distanced myself from it all, its a process. I'm learning to let go and let God(this too is also a process, it takes time).

I started the Daniel Fast on 1-11-11, symbolic to me for starting back at one,

which is myself. I've noticed so much now that I'm more focused. I see things a

lot clearer. Since this year began I've not had 1 sad day. Now don't get me

wrong I am human I've had some lazy moments(procrastination) and some down days but it all in the process of healing, but I've not been

angry, sad, no reason to be sad or worried. At some point in your life that

light bulb goes off and everything falls into place. In the moment of my

accident I didn't scream, cry, or feel scared. Granted I panicked but who

wouldn't. That panic was short lived once I realized it was out of my control. I

didn't pray or call out to God. Before I got on the road I prayed to have a safe

journey home. Although I crashed I did have what I prayed for I arrived home

safe as well as my journey being safe because I was unharmed.

Ever since I've been stripped of many things. I lost a car which gave me access

to many things. I lost some independence because I had to depend on others now. That

soon went south as family & "friends" became distant and strangers became my

pillars of strength. I've always been iffy on having faith in "man". I lost all

will to tolerate having dead weight in my life. Whatever I lost was minor to all

I had gained. After my accident I questioned why it happened. I did not want to

miss my purpose with my second chance. I'm always thinking out of the box and

have always felt things happen for a reason. I did not want to ignore this reason. I

couldn't get my answers from anyone but God so he is who I turned to. I prayed

constantly for wisdom, patience and strength. I got side tracked a few times,

you know the devil is always busy but I'm on my way. This is not written for

anyone to think "oh she had a near death experience so NOW she's turning her

life to God", this is done to show we ALL lose our way but you can always come

back "home". He's always been a whisper to me throughout my life but on October

30, 2010 he SCREAMED at me and I heard him.

I always knew I had a purpose but I let many things get me away from that

purpose. In life we all have a "wake-up call", mine was that accident. I didn't

even want to tell anyone about it at first, I figured I was fine no need to

worry anyone but then it hit me I had to tell my story. Once I released it a

multitude of things came from doing so. I've heard a lot lately you can't have a

testimony without a test, I've gotten mine. God brought me through to be a

vessel. Once I felt comfortable in being so my life had begun to change. I'm

going through the process. I've also heard "if you allow God to lead you he will

never lead you astray", if that isn't the purest of truths I don't know what is.

Many of us, me included, think we know what's best for ourselves. We look back

on our lives and see the mistakes we've made and the consequences of those

actions. We've all done things we know DAMN well we shouldn't. My life thus far

has been based on what I thought was right. I'm "good people" so why can't I

have this, that and the third but many times I didn't deserve "it" or wasn't

ready for "it" and "it" failed. These days my mind frame is different. I can no

longer "preach" directly to people. Now I just "preach", those who catch the message are grateful and those who feel its a "shot" at them personally will

never get it at least not from me.

I can't tell anyone how to live their life or how to get through the process or

how to get a better relationship with God, that's a journey you must take alone.

What I CAN do is tell my story and what I've learned. The lessons are there you

just have to pick up on it. I'm a work in progress He is not through with me

yet! I'm following the plan that was chosen for me. I ignored the directions I

was given and got lost but I'm following them now.

I've always know that people have been placed in your life for a reason and I've

come across many folks in my life BUT now He's placing many pillars in my life

to keep me focused. I'm clear on folks purpose or hidden agendas. I'm always

tested. We all are. What I started out to write has become

something far different. Once again I am a vessel!

BUT...........................

One day I closed my eyes just to remember your face
You have become such a memory for me that I struggle with from time to time
Things were different
So much of a connection
I never wanted to let go
BUT
Time moved faster and things were cut short
Didn't truly value what we had
We thought we had forever
BUT
Our fate was decided
The day someone chose to end your life
I can't get you back
BUT
Your memory is what I have left
I worry because it fades sometimes
My heart keeps you always
Not so much my mind



LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2011

FUNNY HEART

The heart can be funny sometimes

It doesn't always see clear or follow what's on your mind

The heart loves in so many ways

Which FEAR can make it simple for that special love to be pushed away

Sometimes we are not aware

When TRUE LOVE is standing there

Our eyes are open but our heart is closed

Because in our mind you are not supposed

TO BE THERE

We expect love when we're looking for it

But when love finds us we don't admit it

Or we don't see it

LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™ ©2011

Social Networks & Dating

 

MySpace, Hi5, FaceBook, Twitter, etc... are all avenues many choose for whatever reason. Sometimes its following a trend just like a new cell phone when it drops, everyone wants to try it. Curiosity is a large reason many of us are on these social networks. Your friends rave about it & tell you to join or a certain life situation provokes you into becoming apart of "The New Age of Technology". Social networks are all the rave now & a new way to date for some. I'm noticing this trend more and more being on a few social networks myself. You may not intend this to be your reason for joining such networks but it happens. Some are still embarrassed to say they "met" someone online. In some cases it works and in some cases it can be an issue.

I see these social networks on some level similar to Match.com or eHarmony.com. Let's face it dating sucks no matter how you do it. You win some you lose some whether in person or through technology. Some are too busy to go through the let's date for a few months and see if you're the one process. Some feel its easier 2 "date online" especially if u're not the one a simple click of the delete button will get rid of you, LOL. Some may feel depending on their location the odds are stacked against them or their options are far and few between. You can do the same things on the free social networks as you can on Match.com/eHarmony.com but you pay for a service that does all the leg work for you. Weeds out all the NO's & hands you a few YES'. On Facebook, Twitter, Myspace and the like you do the leg work and weed out the possibilities.

I'm sure many of you in the AIM/chatroom days saw chatting online with folks as just fun but now its simply a way of life. The more technology advances the more of an outlet it becomes. I personally I have "met" some wonderful ppl in my travels on social networks. I'm a constant on Facebook and Twitter. It largely started out as connecting with old buddies and Twitter was an outlet 4 my thoughts and entertainment but it spun into a whole new web of things. I'm open to possibly finding my match over the internet waves. I know a few ppl who have found their "one" and are super happy today, they give me hope, LOL. Granted there are TONS of weirdos out there but you will quickly learn how to spot them!
Dating has definitely changed since I was in the game, LMBO! I've been off the market 7 years but I have quickly adapted 2 this social network world, many times it cracks me the hell up!!!!! I couldn't make some of the stories up I could tell you! The key is be sharp on your toes and not give up too much info. Don't think everyone is nice and don't mean you any harm. Just like all of the good people online there are as many bad ones looking to come up on a scam! So be careful but most of all have fun! The key is being open 2 a possibility. You never know where your Mr./Mrs. Just 4 U is going to be found.



LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2010

20 Questions

1. Do U have any New Year's resolutions? Do U think U will achieve any of them?

2. Have U ever met some1 N person U "met" online? How did it go?

3. Do U think emotional cheating is worst than physically cheating or is

cheating cheating no matter what?

4. How do U feel about "Don't Ask Don't Tell"? Are U 4 or against it? & Y?

5. Do U think U spend 2 much time on ur phone? With all the apps, games & social

networks do U want 2 deal less with actual ppl?

6. If Ur mate left their phone N ur presence would U look through it? Y or Y

not?

7. If Jay Z ran 4 president would U vote 4 him? Y or Y not?

8. What was the best thing that happened in 2010?

9. What was the worst thing that happened in 2010?

10. What were the top 5 songs of 2010?

11. Are U happy about Chris Brown's comeback?

12. What do U think about the "beef" between Lil Kim & Nicki Minaj? Waste Of

Time Or A Worthy Battle?

13. Will Tom from Myspace come out with something new 2 battle Facebook/Twitter?

Will it work?

14. What is the point of the EXTRA middle names on Facebook? Really?

15. Do U think ppl will ever value marriage & stick it out 4 better or worse?

16. Is it easier 2 deal with a person who has an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or an

ex-spouse? What's the difference if any?

17. Burger King or Wendy's?

18. Who do U think will get married first Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian?

19. What is ur best personality trait?

20. How about the Miami Heat? LMBO



LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
2010

If I Died

In pain feeling physically helpless
I close my eyes because I'm restless
I've been here before
Trying to relax and not feel anymore
Only talking to God
Trying not to speak, I can only nod
Tears falling rapidly silently praying
Is the pain the first step in the process,
delaying
If I died, who would miss me?
Or will I become a faded picture a part of fond memories?
My mind too rattled to think clearly
At times it feels like I'm only here spiritually
As I lay here alone in the dark
Bruised but not broken
So done with hoping
I lay still
Listen to the silence
And start to reminisce
I've been here before
Tested and challenged
As I breathe slowly and feel a sense of fading
I wonder
If I died, will anyone be changed by my absence?
Will it be a shock or after awhile like I never existed?
I've been here before
Alone with empty promises of support and the disappearance of many
I've become immune to those vibes sent to me
Always went to my place of comfort
My pen, my pad and my thoughts
If I died, what would be said about me?
She was one of the good ones or this was going to happen eventually?
I've been here before
I've died a few times already
Crushed by personal losses
I put in a place I've locked away
Never to reopen because its a waste
If I died, I'd be shattered
Lost in translation
Wondering if I mattered.................


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010