Monday, November 8, 2010

If I Died

In pain feeling physically helpless
I close my eyes because I'm restless
I've been here before
Trying to relax and not feel anymore
Only talking to God
Trying not to speak, I can only nod
Tears falling rapidly silently praying
Is the pain the first step in the process,
If I died, who would miss me?
Or will I become a faded picture a part of fond memories?
My mind too rattled to think clearly
At times it feels like I'm only here spiritually
As I lay here alone in the dark
Bruised but not broken
So done with hoping
I lay still
Listen to the silence
And start to reminisce
I've been here before
Tested and challenged
As I breathe slowly and feel a sense of fading
I wonder
If I died, will anyone be changed by my absence?
Will it be a shock or after awhile like I never existed?
I've been here before
Alone with empty promises of support and the disappearance of many
I've become immune to those vibes sent to me
Always went to my place of comfort
My pen, my pad and my thoughts
If I died, what would be said about me?
She was one of the good ones or this was going to happen eventually?
I've been here before
I've died a few times already
Crushed by personal losses
I put in a place I've locked away
Never to reopen because its a waste
If I died, I'd be shattered
Lost in translation
Wondering if I mattered.................