Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Social Networks & Dating

 







MySpace, Hi5, FaceBook, Twitter, etc... are all avenues many choose for whatever reason. Sometimes its following a trend just like a new cell phone when it drops, everyone wants to try it. Curiosity is a large reason many of us are on these social networks. Your friends rave about it & tell you to join or a certain life situation provokes you into becoming apart of "The New Age of Technology". Social networks are all the rave now & a new way to date for some. I'm noticing this trend more and more being on a few social networks myself. You may not intend this to be your reason for joining such networks but it happens. Some are still embarrassed to say they "met" someone online. In some cases it works and in some cases it can be an issue.

I see these social networks on some level similar to Match.com or eHarmony.com. Let's face it dating sucks no matter how you do it. You win some you lose some whether in person or through technology. Some are too busy to go through the let's date for a few months and see if you're the one process. Some feel its easier 2 "date online" especially if u're not the one a simple click of the delete button will get rid of you, LOL. Some may feel depending on their location the odds are stacked against them or their options are far and few between. You can do the same things on the free social networks as you can on Match.com/eHarmony.com but you pay for a service that does all the leg work for you. Weeds out all the NO's & hands you a few YES'. On Facebook, Twitter, Myspace and the like you do the leg work and weed out the possibilities.

I'm sure many of you in the AIM/chatroom days saw chatting online with folks as just fun but now its simply a way of life. The more technology advances the more of an outlet it becomes. I personally I have "met" some wonderful ppl in my travels on social networks. I'm a constant on Facebook and Twitter. It largely started out as connecting with old buddies and Twitter was an outlet 4 my thoughts and entertainment but it spun into a whole new web of things. I'm open to possibly finding my match over the internet waves. I know a few ppl who have found their "one" and are super happy today, they give me hope, LOL. Granted there are TONS of weirdos out there but you will quickly learn how to spot them!
Dating has definitely changed since I was in the game, LMBO! I've been off the market 7 years but I have quickly adapted 2 this social network world, many times it cracks me the hell up!!!!! I couldn't make some of the stories up I could tell you! The key is be sharp on your toes and not give up too much info. Don't think everyone is nice and don't mean you any harm. Just like all of the good people online there are as many bad ones looking to come up on a scam! So be careful but most of all have fun! The key is being open 2 a possibility. You never know where your Mr./Mrs. Just 4 U is going to be found.



LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

20 Questions

1. Do U have any New Year's resolutions? Do U think U will achieve any of them?

2. Have U ever met some1 N person U "met" online? How did it go?

3. Do U think emotional cheating is worst than physically cheating or is

cheating cheating no matter what?

4. How do U feel about "Don't Ask Don't Tell"? Are U 4 or against it? & Y?

5. Do U think U spend 2 much time on ur phone? With all the apps, games & social

networks do U want 2 deal less with actual ppl?

6. If Ur mate left their phone N ur presence would U look through it? Y or Y

not?

7. If Jay Z ran 4 president would U vote 4 him? Y or Y not?

8. What was the best thing that happened in 2010?

9. What was the worst thing that happened in 2010?

10. What were the top 5 songs of 2010?

11. Are U happy about Chris Brown's comeback?

12. What do U think about the "beef" between Lil Kim & Nicki Minaj? Waste Of

Time Or A Worthy Battle?

13. Will Tom from Myspace come out with something new 2 battle Facebook/Twitter?

Will it work?

14. What is the point of the EXTRA middle names on Facebook? Really?

15. Do U think ppl will ever value marriage & stick it out 4 better or worse?

16. Is it easier 2 deal with a person who has an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or an

ex-spouse? What's the difference if any?

17. Burger King or Wendy's?

18. Who do U think will get married first Amber Rose or Kim Kardashian?

19. What is ur best personality trait?

20. How about the Miami Heat? LMBO



LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
2010

Monday, November 8, 2010

If I Died

In pain feeling physically helpless
I close my eyes because I'm restless
I've been here before
Trying to relax and not feel anymore
Only talking to God
Trying not to speak, I can only nod
Tears falling rapidly silently praying
Is the pain the first step in the process,
delaying
If I died, who would miss me?
Or will I become a faded picture a part of fond memories?
My mind too rattled to think clearly
At times it feels like I'm only here spiritually
As I lay here alone in the dark
Bruised but not broken
So done with hoping
I lay still
Listen to the silence
And start to reminisce
I've been here before
Tested and challenged
As I breathe slowly and feel a sense of fading
I wonder
If I died, will anyone be changed by my absence?
Will it be a shock or after awhile like I never existed?
I've been here before
Alone with empty promises of support and the disappearance of many
I've become immune to those vibes sent to me
Always went to my place of comfort
My pen, my pad and my thoughts
If I died, what would be said about me?
She was one of the good ones or this was going to happen eventually?
I've been here before
I've died a few times already
Crushed by personal losses
I put in a place I've locked away
Never to reopen because its a waste
If I died, I'd be shattered
Lost in translation
Wondering if I mattered.................


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Thursday, September 9, 2010

20 QUESTIONS

PURE RANDOMNESS FROM MY MIND, I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN AWHILE AND I THOUGHT I'D BRING MY "SOMETHING OLD" BACK. ENJOY!

1. DO YOU THINK OBAMA WILL RUN AGAIN IN 2012, IF SO DO YOU THINK HE CAN WIN?

2. DO YOU PREFER SEX WITH THE LIGHTS ON OR OFF? WHICH IS BETTER?

3. IF YOU SAW THE MOVIE "INCEPTION" WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT & ITS MEANING?

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN IN 2012?

5. ARE YOU WORRRIED ABOUT 2012?

6. COULD YOU MARRY DONALD TRUMP?

7. WHO DO YOU THINK GIVES THE BEST RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: SINGLE PEOPLE OR PEOPLE IN RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIED?

8. WOULD YOU EVER MAKE A BUCKET LIST?

9. IN A PREVIOUS LIFE WHAT OR WHO DO YOU THINK YOU WERE & WHY?

10. WHY DO SOME FOLKS CELEBRATE WITH PARTIES FOR FOLKS WHEN THEY COME HOME FROM JAIL?

11. HAVE YOU BEEN TESTED FOR AIDS/HIV THIS YEAR? EVER?

12. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE TO DATE WHAT WOULD IT BE?

13. DO YOU BELIEVE IN HEAVEN OR HELL?

14. WHY DO YOU THINK PEOPLE STILL BELIEVE TUPAC IS ALIVE BUT NOT BIGGIE?

15. WHO IS THE FUNNIEST COMEDIAN OUT NOW?

16. IF YOU COULD REMAKE A MOVIE WITH YOU AS THE MAIN CHARACTER WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

17. DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST PERSON WHO BROKE YOUR HEART? LOOKING BACK WHAT DID YOU LEARN?

18. IF YOU HAD A REALITY SHOW WHAT WOULD IT BE CALLED?

19. WHAT DOES YOUR FAVORITE COLOR SAY ABOUT YOU?

20. HOW MUCH SEX IS TOO MUCH SEX?


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

DISPOSABLE

Always there when needed

At any hour of any day

Discussing all subjects from happy times to why they're feeling a certain way

Most times the first person they reach out to

Never once thinking they will deny you

Building a bond stronger than most relationships

But at the same time living your day to day as if they don't exist

At no time afraid of being judged

During every encounter they are shown love

Always perceived properly

When parts of them respond selfishly

Taking no thought of the emotions involved

Here today gone tomorrow

Oddly a dependency forms

Its like a drug one needs to remain normal

A cycle one has to stop entering

Its a false sense of what you mean to them

Certain treatment is expected

When not received a huge feeling of rejection

Takes its place

Always a giver rarely receiving

Content with your purpose

Not once disbelieving

You're valuable

Just completely overstanding

You're DISPOSABLE



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Monday, August 23, 2010

HURTS TOO MUCH TO CRY

Still in a daze

Traumatized

Can't believe what you said

Shock

So simple & cold

Angry

Tone lacking emotion

Meaningless

Physically in pain

Cardiac arrest

It hurts too much to cry

Flat lined
 
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

COMFORTABLE RELATIONS

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHERE DID I GO WRONG,
WAS IT FOR THE TIME I WASTED OR BEING COMFORTABLE WITH YOU FOR SO LONG.
WE WERE A TRUE WASTE OF EACH OTHERS TIME,
WE TRIED FOR AWHILE BUT JUST COULDN'T STAY COMBINED.
TWO PEOPLE WITH TWO DIFFERENT GOALS,
WHY DID WE BEGIN OR END, MANY STILL DON'T KNOW.
I'M NOT SURE WE UNDERSTOOD EITHER,
BECAUSE EVERY SIX MONTHS WE NEEDED A BREATHER.
LOVE WAS NEVER THERE,
WE JUST COMPLIMENTED EACH OTHER'S SITUATION.

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003

My Personal Journey: Learning How to Embrace Love

My encounters with LOVE have been very diverse, all of which have shaped who I am today, very experienced in knowing what I don’t want when dealing with LOVE. I’ve always been the type to LOVE extremely hard. I’d give my all and be pissed when I wasn’t matched in return. At times I accepted what I was given being the understanding person I am and seeing why said person couldn’t give me what I so wanted. Simple, they didn’t know how. I’ve had my experience with LOVE a few times in life, various levels of LOVE depending on my age.



We’ve all had that “puppy LOVE”, my first experience with that was at 10/11 yrs old. My first boyfriend Brian, we had no real idea what we were doing but we knew we were “together” and so happy with what we had. We had a favorite song and everything. That was short lived as I moved away and I’ll never forget the day I left¸ he sat on the rock on our block so sad because I was leaving. My next shot was at 14, I met a 17 year old named Vaughn, he hounded me so, had all of his friends tell me he liked me. I just ignored him until he wore me down. He taught me a lot, lessons I still use till this day. He was the first who wanted to “take care” of me but at that age I didn’t understand what that truly meant until years later. He was the first who always wanted to protect me and look out for my best interest. At 21 I met a guy named Fred, the first time I saw him I knew he was the one. Up until this point I was shy, not sure

of myself, I had low self esteem and I was extremely quiet. He was the first guy I ever approached. I had a feeling and I went with it. The best 2 years of my life, he was everything I wasn’t used to and more. He proposed a year and a half into us dating, I could not have been more happy. I was a single mother who found a man who loved me and embraced my child as his own. Sadly he had a selfish way about him that made me withdraw, I wasn’t as expressive as I am now and had a hard time communicating my feelings. I eventually did the unthinkable and cheated. We always say we have no regrets but, I so regret that mistake. Although it was a turning point in my life and how I looked at relationships till this day I wish I could change that. He was the one; I was just not ready for him. After that I felt I didn’t deserve love. I felt like something was wrong with me, why did I mess that up. In turn I entered in a relationship of “comfort” with Omar. I felt since I didn’t deserve love Omar was my punishment, weird but a whole other story! I tried to make up what I lost but no matter how hard I tried it didn’t work. I was addicted to trying, I figured if I gave my all 100% I’d get what I lost, with Omar. This would never happen as we both used each other. Then a tragic twist of fate brought my next challenge with LOVE into my life, Shakiem.

This is where my story takes on a whole other life, what started out as a friend helping another friend grew into a love that was so powerful it took on a life of its own. This relationship consumed every fiber in my body. Everything “felt” right. There were many signs not to move forward but the fact we were friends I put down my guard 100%. We were two books we’d both read thoroughly so nothing was ever hidden. I trusted he would never hurt me and I had no intention of hurting him. I put his needs before mine, I took on all his baggage as my own and I loved him deeply. I’d never felt this way before but him being my friend first made me feel safe. I wanted to grow old with him, have children and forever be happy. Like Bobby Brown, every little step I took was for us. I ate, slept and breathed loving him. I lost myself slowly and I began living for him. I never expected him to ever do wrong by me, but 4 years in I lost myself completely I had forgotten who I was, what I liked, what I wanted to do and what my purpose was. I’d never asked him for anything but to love me. A mistake in the end I paid for. He was so accustomed to me “doing” when I needed his support he didn’t know how to give it. He had a selfish streak I battled constantly (a pattern as you can see if you didn’t catch it). In the end we parted ways because I had no more fight in me to love him and he wanted out. We remained friends but he was all I knew at this point that I still tried to work things out. I still “LOVED” him because he became who I was. He still “loved” me but he used my feelings for him as leverage to keep me around. I didn’t know anything else. After about a year and a half being separated I gave up on us getting back together. It was a harsh reality but I had to move on for my sanity. When I was at the point I was emotionally done with him, he comes and says all the things I’d waited to hear. I fell back in line like a soldier. Shortly after he disposed of me like I never meant a thing. He no longer needed me because he found a replacement he had no obligations to. It was CRUSHING because I still felt he was my friend but in that moment he killed that friendship forever.



This created a fear I am working on getting over, I never want to love anyone more than I loved myself, but I’ve always been the giver of love receiving the minimum to maintain that I don’t truly know how to embrace love. It’s a fear that has caused panic attacks when someone expresses any deep emotion towards me. Looking back I needed him to kill whatever was left because that’s the only way I was going to be free. Don’t get me wrong it hurt like hell! I cried, I asked why, I asked what did I do to deserve such pain, I wanted to feel nothing, I laid in bed many a day lifeless and I wanted to just give up. Through a few great people I am proud to call my friends they helped me and still do. They helped me remain calm and see the full picture in HD.



I needed to go through this pain as much as it hurts it needed to be done. Now my journey of embracing love has to be learned. I’ve never wanted to be the type to let a previous relationship or man hinder me from embracing love or seeing and accepting a good man for who he is until I missed an opportunity to possibly love again. It was clear as day in my face but I did everything to fight it because I feared a broken heart. Fear is so crippling. Fear will cause you to miss and block your blessings! I know I’m not perfect and I’m a lot to deal with but I know I am a good woman, I just don’t and didn’t understand my worth. I’m still working on that because when you’ve been through all I’ve been through you don’t think someone sees you as the diamond you are. I’ve lost some of my spark with my last relationship so my confidence is off. I lost the OLD me but I’m slowly finding out the NEW me was always there I just didn’t know my true worth. My journey made me who I am but my future steps will define who I am to be.



As I share my story many of you will understand me better, many of you will feel free to say I’ve been there or I am there now and if she can still hold her head up so can I and there will be a few who are still doubtful but trust in time the light bulb will turn on for you and you will breathe with ease.



Trust my journey is still in the early stages as it’s only been a month since my breakthrough, I have my days but the possibility to fall in love truly gives me pleasure but ultimately I have to stand on my own and allow him to come find me. The hardest task I think is how I will know when he is here. All I can do is pray I don’t miss “him” again!



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Friday, August 20, 2010

EMOTIONAL SOUL

Don’t you hate having the emotions but can’t put them on paper

Thoughts swirling around your head, you’re trying to help them escape but

All you can do is think in layers

One on top of two on top of three on top of four

The more you struggle the harder it is to process

The more you want to express that emotion the more you stress

Because it’s just not flowing how you want it to

Mind so clouded a tornado wind couldn’t clear it

You try and let go of the thought

Move onto something else

The emotion is so heavy you want to share it; you need it to be felt

It’s therapeutic for your soul

Creating is what you do, it never gets old

It’s timeless

I write because I feel

I live through the pen and paper

The purest part of me

Is not what you see but what you read

Jay Z made the song cry but my words can make you cry

As I convey my emotions line by line

Drawing you in so deep you physically feel me

Your SOUL is so caught up you have no desire to be free!



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Monday, August 16, 2010

THANK YOU

ATTN: ALL EX'S, FLINGS, CRUSHES & THE LIKE


I WANT TO THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART FOR EVERYTHING, I'VE HAD SOME GOOD, GREAT, & BAD. YOU HAVE SHAPED ME AND ADDED TO THE GREAT WOMAN I AM. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME HIGHS, LOWS AND IN BETWEENS. I NOW KNOW WHAT & WHO NOT TO LET INTO MY LIFE. I'M NOT PERFECT AND I KNOW I HAVE MY MOMENTS BUT IF YOU HAD ANY PART OF MY TIME I LEFT A GREAT IMPRESSION. ALL THIS PREPERATION HAS SET ME UP FOR THE KING WHO CAN MAINTAIN THIS QUEEN, I THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR HIM, NOW KICK ROCKS! ~HUGS~











THIS CAN BE REVERSED FOR MEN AND WOMEN. ALTHOUGH LOVE IS HARD TO MAINAIN HEARTBREAK IS HARDER. AFTER YOU DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONS ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS BECAUSE WHEN U FIND THAT RIGHT ONE YOU WILL BE PREPARED IF OU'VE LEARNED FROM ALL YOUR PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS. LOVE IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS, ALWAYS EMBRACE IT. NEVER FEAR IT OR YOU MAY MISS OUT ON SOMETHING SO GREAT!







SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Friday, July 30, 2010

DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A FRIEND?

This is a very personal blog for me as I've been tested or rather the shades have been taken off so I can see the light. We go through life saying words and not truly knowing the meaning of such words till we are tested or questioned or things come into question. I'm creating this blog as a point of closure for me and possibly a lesson for someone reading. In this last year I have gone through some crazy things all relating to the word "friend", so to the point it turned me off from the word. I stopped using it. A few who I thought were my friends started changing on me for some reason, its also possible I was changing as well. Another possiblity is they were never my friend in the first place we just clicked over something and took it from there. All in all a lesson was learned. My character is to isolate myself until I figure out what's happening, think with a clear mind and then make my move. I started to question was I a good/great friend to these few who I felt were starting to get on shaky grounds with me. It bothered me for some time. The doubt and questions. I always know that in time things will reveal themselves as they should. If I consider myself yourfriend nothing will come between that! No man, No naysayers, or any judgment! I see you for you and accept you for you and all I ask is for the same in return, LOYALTY! I started to see these few lacked in that department. Of all we'd been through I was always there any time of the day for any of their problems or just for them to vent. I'm a great listener. When it became time for my crisis or to vent I'd get silence or a change of the subject, which made me feel that whatever I was saying didn't matter, yet I still allowed these few to stay in my life! Until one day all was revealed, guilt makes people do the strangest things. A person will disassociate themselves from you in order to not admit to that guilt if they don't feel they are truly wrong or feel its not that major a deal. In the end that guilt still lies there. When you know you've given your all to someone as a friend and know you did nothing for them to change their tone against you, you have to cut them off. In the end its the best. I lost a friendship early on for something so stupid to me but apparently that person felt so guilty they cut me off. Instead of talking to me they rather distance themselves. At first I was hurt but later looked at it as a lesson learned. They were never truly my friend in the first place I was just one who understood all they were going through and I would listen. Purpose fulfilled.

I later started to see the other "snakes" in the grass and started to pay attention. Oprah said something on her show years ago and it always stuck with me, (I'm paraphrasing) You will keep repeating mistakes until you learn from them. She also said God will keep showing you signs until you listen then you will no longer bump into that brick wall. Its a message that always stuck with me but I didn't use it when I should have. It wasn't until the final friendship lost that I was at full attention. He kept showing me the unnecessary people in my life and that I needed to eliminate them but my heart is big and my gift is helping others. I was on the border line. There comes a time when you realize you can only do but so much as a person that you have to realize you need to walk away for your sake and survival. I chose me!!

This last friendship lost was so devastating it physically hurt, I lost focus, I questioned everything and cried oceans. Of all I lost I never thought this friendship would be one of them. I sometimes would feel no one cared and people always wanted something from me. I was at a point I had nothing left to give. I was empty. For years I'd given up what I wanted to do for love or for others. I put more into others than I put into myself. Its still a battle as I care for people and empathize with them but above all I know now I come first. Losing this friendship as painful as it was, was a release from all I held onto. I could not move forward if I didn't let go. Oddly strangers helped me through. They gave me the support and kind words I needed to make me see I have a purpose I can NOT lay down and stop living. It has restored my hope that I am still the great friend I have always been and I have opportunities to make lasting friendships with people who see me for me and accept me for me, LOYALTY.

My purpose for this blog is to show you to be aware of the people in your life and their purpose in it. Being a friend is a heavy title to hold. It is a partnership like any other. One can not give more than the other and things remain "balanced". I've lost those friendships because they prevented me from seeing the other opportunities that lie ahead.

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
2010©LMJ

TECHNOLOGY & RELATIONSHIPS

Lately I've come across many stories about people allowing/having issues in their relationship(s) because of technology. With all of these social networks and new ways of communicating via cellphone people are doing less "talking" versus typing. Relationships are being established through these new ways of technology. Many find it easier to type what they have to say versus having to verbalize it. You may not have an issue expressing your feelings but with many lifestyles today time is of the essence so typing is easier. I'm not saying having particular conversations via technology is better but just easier at times. Use your own judgment because you know your mate/friend better than anyone.

For instance if you're in a relationship and you as well as your mate are on Facebook depending on your relationship level it may be a good idea not to be friends with each other. Some people take out of content what their purpose is being on some of these social networks. I've seen marriages break up because of "airing" out too much of their business. I've seen relationships break up because ppl are friends with ex's or just because they "liked" a status of a person their mate doesn't like. I've seen friendships end because people take another's status personal or think they have been disrespected in some way. In any relationship too much of anything could be damaging so in my opinion its safe to keep things seperate so you don't create any unnecessary drama. Although one would say if your relationship is solid none of this would effect it, that is true to a point but you will never know what the heart, ego, pride, emotions, guilt, or "just because" will make any human being do.

Back to what your purpose is for being on such sites, you have to know why you are on such sites and stick to that plan if you are in a relationship. For instance when MySpace came out it was the in thing to do, everyone and their Mama was on it! You could be "friends" with your favorite celebrity, network, find friends, make new friends, blog, & get hooked on all the new apps they created but then Myspace got too reckless for some. Thus many switched to Facebook where it was more adult and private. You only accept people you know which makes it easier to navigate your friends, family, co-workers, and classmates. Some get out of hand on Facebook too but being you know these people you know some of how they operate. Some also network on Facebook and make added "friends" which is fine if you stay in line of your purpose.  Then comes along Twitter, (LOL, its so fun), which to me is entertainment as well as networking. It is also an area to get motivation depending on who you follow. I dont suggest you get on all of these applications unless you are networking. Marketing/Promoting and networking via social networks is the new age.

Back to the subject at hand don't let social networks kill your friendship/relationship. In any relationship you need individuality aas well as a partnership. Be aware of the difference and don't cross the line of disrespect of your mate. Just because you have a platform to tell all your business doesn't mean you have to and further more doesn't mean everyone wants to listen. A relationship is between 2 people not 2 people and everyone on a social network!!!

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
2010©LMJ

APPLICATION FOR POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP EMPLOYMENT

THE DATING AGE TODAY IS KIND OF BANANAS, THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE WHO PREFER TO BE SINGLE OR ARE SINGLE BY DEFAULT FOR VARIOUS REASONS. FOR THE SMALL AMOUNT WHO WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP OR WANT TO DATE A FEW "POTENTIALS" ITS HARD LOOKING FOR ONE. SO A FEW WEEKS AGO I CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA FOR AN APPLICATION FOR "POTENTIAL RELATIONSHIP EMPLOYMENT", LOL. WHY WASTE TIME WHEN YOU CAN GET STRAIGHT TO THE POINT AND THEN MOVE ON IF THE APPLICATION DOESN'T SUIT YOU, JUST LIKE EMPLOYERS LOOKING FOR EMPLOYEES DO. WITH SO MANY FOLKS USING THE "I KEEP IT REAL" LINE THIS HELPS WEED OUT THE IDIOTS, STALKERS, LIARS, DEADBEATS, THOSE WHO JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX, MAMA'S BOYS ETC FROM THE ONES WHO ARE SERIOUS. TAKE THIS FOR WHAT YOU WILL, USE IT IN YOUR OWN WAY BUT TRUST YOU WILL BE INFORMED & ENTERTAINED.~MSOP

FULL NAME:
D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT:
MEASUREMENTS(FEMALE):
SHOE SIZE:
ZODIAC:
U.S. CITIZEN:
IF NO ARE YOU IN PROCESS OF BECOMING A U/S/ CITIZEN? CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF?:
NICKNAMES/ALIAS:
STATE OF CURRENT RESIDENCE:
RENT OR OWN?:
HOMETOWN:
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HOUSEHOLD & WHO?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU MADE LESS $$ THAN YOUR MATE?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE NOT THE BREADWINNER IN A RELATIONSHIP?:
MARITAL STATUS:
IF DIVORCED, HOW LONG?:
IF PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, HOW MANY TIMES & LENGTH OF MARRIAGE?:
IF PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES?:
IF NEVER MARRIED IS IT AN OPTION YOU WOULD CONSIDER?:
KIDS(SEX & AGES):
HAVE YOU EVER USED ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?:
IF NO CHILDREN DID YOU ALMOST HAVE SOME?:
IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME?:
QTY OF MOTHERS/FATHERS:
DO YOU PAY CHILD SUPPORT, VOLUNTARILY/INVOLUNTARILY
CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHERS/FATHERS OF CHILDREN:
EMPLOYER:
LENGTH OF TIME AT CURRENT EMPLOYER:
HOW MANY JOBS IN LAST 5 YEARS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: IF MORE THAN ONCE, HOW MANY TIMES AND WHY?:
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME IN JAIL/PRISON? LENGTH OF BID?:
DATE OF LAST HIV/AIDS TEST:
CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF OF RESULTS?:
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BE TESTED BEFORE HAVING SEX?:
HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD(INCLUDING 1 NIGHT STANDS)?:
EVER HAD A THREESOME?:
CONDOM TYPE USED?:
EVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH THE SAME SEX?:
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN STD? WHEN & WHAT?:
EVER SLEPT WITH A RELATIVE, KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY?:
DO YOU CURRENTLY TAKE ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS? IF SO, LIST MEDICATION & REASON FOR TAKING:
RELIGION?:
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD(WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THE MOST HIGH)?:
DO YOU ATTEND CHURCH, A MOSQUE, KINGDOM HALL, OR SYNAGOGUE REGULARLY:
IF NOT DO YOU READ THE BIBLE, QUA'RAN OR OTHER BOOK RELATED TO YOUR RELIGION REGULARLY?:
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA/GED?:
COLLEGE CREDITS OR COLLEGE DEGREE?:
IF DEGREE OBTAINED, WHAT COLLEGE AND YEAR?
MEMBER OF SORORITY/FRATERNITY?:
MEMBER OF MILITARY, IF SO WHAT BRANCH & HOW LONG?:
TATTOOS?:
HOW MANY AND LOCATION?:
GANG AFFILIATIONS:
PIERCINGS? IF SO HOW MANY & WHERE?:
FETISHES:
HOBBIES:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FOOD:
BOOK:
SONG:
SPORTS(PLAY(ED) OR LOVE TO WATCH):
HIDDEN TALENTS:
DO YOU OWN A SUIT?:
STATES VISITED:
COUNTRIES VISITED:
SIBLINGS:
POLITICAL VIEWS:
DO YOU VOTE? HAVE YOU EVER VOTED?:
ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO VOTE?:
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?:
EVER BEEN A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME?:
EVER HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST AN EX?:
EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DOMESTIC DISPUTE? EXPLAIN:
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?:
FATHER?:
SIBLINGS?:
CO-WORKERS?:
EMPLOYER?:
IN FIVE YEARS WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN LIFE?:
ARE YOU HAPPY OR CONTENT?:
LIST 5 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT ARE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT:
DO YOU COLLECT ITEMS EX: CARS, SPORTS MEMORABILIA, BOOKS, ETC.:
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE:
WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 QUALITIES YOU CAN NOT SET ASIDE WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?:
PET PEEVES:
TURN ON(S):
TURN OFF(S):
EVER HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?:
HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A MATE?:
HAVE YOU EVER DESTROYED A MATE'S PROPERTY BECAUSE OF ANGER/REVENGE?:
ARE YOU CONTROLLING?:
JEALOUS?:
HAVE YOU EVER STALKED AN EX?:
HAVE YOU EVER USED ANY CREDIT CARDS OR MONEY OF A MATE'S WITHOUT ASKING?:
CHEAP?:
AN INDIAN GIVER?:
SELFISH?:
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX?:
DO YOU WATCH PORN?:
FAVORITE TYPE?:
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON'T DO SEXUALLY?:
EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?:
ARE YOU GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX'S?:
DO YOU FEEL MEN & WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS?: IF NOT WHY?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DATING/MARRYING A WOMAN/MAN WITH CHILDREN?:
IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN & WANTED THEM WOULD YOU ADOPT?:
BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
WORST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
DO YOU HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?:
CHECKING?:
401K/RETIREMENT PLAN?:
CREDIT CARDS?:
HEALTH INSURANCE?:
DENTAL INSURANCE?:
LIFE INSURANCE?:
CAR INSURANCE, IF APPLICABLE?:
CREDIT SCORE?:
WOULD YOU DATE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE?:
WHAT ARE THE AGES OF YOUR DATING RANGE?:
PERSONALITY TYPE A OR B?:
NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU?:
LIST 3 COMMON THINGS I'D HEAR FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU THE MOST?:
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 8 WORDS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED?:
HOW DID YOU FEEL & DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE DUMPED?:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?:
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD?:
DO YOU SMOKE CIGARETTES?:
WEED?:
METH?:
HEROIN?:
ANY OTHER DRUG(S)?:
DRINK?
SOCIAL DRINKER?:
FAVORITE PHRASE?:
YOUR MOTTO?:
HAVE YOU EVER SOLD DRUGS?:
HAVE ANY ADDICTIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?:
ANY FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH ISSUES I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?:
IN CLOSING ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVIDE 3 REFERENCES (EX'S):
3 REFERENCES(FRIENDS):
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?:

NOW I MAY HAVE MISSED A FEW THINGS BUT PLEASE ADD ON IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE THAT CAN BE REVISED AT ANYTIME. PEOPLE FORGET WHEN DATING ITS A PROCESS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR HESITANT TO ASK ANY QUESTION NO MATTER HOW OUT THERE THEY ARE. IF YOU VALUE IT THEN YOU NEED TO ASK TO SEE IF THE POTENTIAL "CLIENT" DOES AS WELL. NEVER SETTLE! WHEN YOU SETTLE YOU COMPROMISE AND USUALLY END UP IN A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN. WHEN ASKING ANY ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS OR ONE YOU ADD ON TO THIS AND THAT PERSON HESITATES YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GONNA LIE OR TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING. IN THAT MOMENT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT A BLINK YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A GREAT MATCH BUT BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS WE ALL KNOW THE DEVIL HAS A DISGUISE FOR EVERYTHING. NO ONE IS PERFECT SO IF ITS ALL YOU WANT TO HEAR STEP BACK AND EVALUATE. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION IT WILL NEVER STEER YOU WRONG.

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
2010©LMJ

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

THAT DAY

That day is coming around again
The day began not realizing it would also all end
TODAY
It was a moment boiling for some time
A moment ignored but always a constant on our mind
This day it boiled over and all was lost
Selfishness ruled at any cost
Tears and pain lasted many a day
I still kick myself for not telling you to stay
We're so far gone not sure if there is a point of return
Do you start over intentionally forgetting what you've learned?
To have a fresh start
How does your heart forget?
The great times and the bad
The day we said "F*ck what we had!"
That day is coming around again
Ironically its the day before Independence Day
We looked at each other one last time and couldn't muster up any words
For this day we got our "freedom"
Doubted it the whole way
But pride wouldn't let me say "We made a mistake"
I turned to walk away
Wanted to scream & shout "STAY"
But I closed my eyes wiped my tears and walked away
Don't know why, I've asked myself multiple times
Destroyed my heart
Lost a part of me
Divided the family
A constant reminder
Of what we are not what we thought we would be..........


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

UNTITLED

SHARING IS CARING, THIS IS A POEM BY ROY MALVEAUX, HE SAYS HE'S NOT A WRITER/POET BUT THESE WORDS CLEARLY SAY OTHERWISE. I LOVE THIS "EXPRESSION OF WORDS" & HE GAVE ME PERMISSION TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU. THANKS ROY

You will always be a part of me
From the simple touch to the way you smiled at me
Who knew that I would fall so hard for you..... And all you'd do is turn ya back on me...
U bring out the best in me,
Always uplifting me
And when I was down..... I didn't have to look around cuz I knew you'd always be next to me...
Never disrespected me
And now that ur gone I can't find the rest of me...
No rest for me
Sometimes I questioned god why did he take u away from me
But I guess he knows what’s best for me...
Babe how could you leave me
I would trade my life to have u next to me...
It’s been 3 years since you've been away from me
This pain is trying to take over me
But I promise you it won't get the best of me
It seems like I still feel you touching me
Kissing me
Holding me
Squeezing me
I can't stop thinking about how much u meant to me
I miss you so much and I hope you’re missing me
Time heals all is what they say to me
But who the hell are they to tell me what’s best for me
This is far greater than them and me
I'm talking about the love you shared with me
Being strong is best for me
Cuz if you were alive this is what you'd expect of me...
Yea the best of me...
But..... Babe... I love u
And you are a blessing to me
Even though ur not here with me.....
You will always be a part of me...
-Roy Malveaux-
©2010

Saturday, June 12, 2010

GET OVER IT, DAMN!

"I don't want to waste your time" is what was said
What part are you missing?
Why can't you get it through your head?
I don't like you in any way, shape or form
So why drag this on?
You're a nice guy but I just don't feel like dealing
You think I'm mad because you didn't give me any sexual healing
I can manage that on my own
Didn't need your assistance to hear me moan
When I tried to tell you in a nice way to leave me alone
Your ego wouldn't let it rest
Pounding on your chest saying "I am man hear me roar"
I stuffed a rag in your mouth saying "KILL that noise"
I had to switch characters on you
Seemed that's the only way I could get through
It worked for awhile mostly because we rarely crossed paths
But when you did see me it reactivated your battery, gave you the feeling I was what you had to have
Felt you had to address it
Once again I said
DON'T stress it
LEAVE it be
MOVE on
Gave a final threat to F*UCK off or this is going to get ugly
Don't try me
because unleashed I'm detrimental
I'm warning you NOW this is not a war you want to get into!

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I LAY HERE

I LAY HERE
NUMB EMOTIONALLY
HAR TO CONVEY WHAT I'M THINKING VERBALLY
I LAY HERE
EYES CLOSED
FOR FEAR OF WHAT'S IN FRONT OF ME
I LAY HERE
THOUGHTS SCATTERED
CAN'T FOCUS
PARALYZED IN A TIME WHERE EVERYTHING MATTERED
I LAY HERE
HEARTBEAT ON HIGH
SADLY THE ONLY MOMENT I FEEL ALIVE
I LAY HERE
STUCK IN A TRANCE



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Friday, June 4, 2010

WHEN I'M GONE

In the event I shall not see another tomorrow
Please don't cry or feel any sorrow
I'm still here in spirit
Just open up your mind
I'm there
You'll feel it
My time was valued by those who loved me
Just because I'm not in front of you doesn't mean you don't see
My child (ren) will share all that I was
Because through her (them) you'll still feel my love
I shall leave behind a few things to get you through this time
My poetry
Will keep me close to you forever
I'm at the parties, weddings, and all weather
For I am the sun to your bright days
The rain in  your dismay
The snow in your overload
I'm the arm you'll feel when it's cold
So when i leave
Don't get upset
I've had my time
See you soon

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2001

MIXED FEELINGS

We've shared something very special
A part of my world I let you enter
I've given I've given it to you under certain conditions
I don't want to be hurt becauseI've opened myself up to you
I don't want to be used because that's what people do
Things from here on will definitely change
There will no longer familiar looks but those that are strange
Maybe I'm scared, terrified, paranoid all in one
I don't regret how I feel or my decision
I just hope this wasn't all done for fun
I have so many mixed feelings
I don't know what to do
I just don't want to be hurt or for me to hurt you
I'm rambling on I don't know what to say
My feelings are all over all I can do is pray
If GOD sent you to love me then I have to
I'm just usure as to what to do
I'm so mixed up inside
I need a break
Somewhere to hide
2 days, a week I'm not sure how long to take
Let's breathe
Relax
Just go with the flow

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2002

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

WHAT'S YOUR DEFINITION OF A MAN?

Almost on a daily basis I deal with women & friends who are having relationship problems. A few of them dealing with men that are not quite for them but for whatever reason they stay. Same thing goes for men to staying with a woman for some of the dumbest reasons but that's a whole other blog. Back to the topic some of my friends are questioning their men, possibly talking themselves into staying with them when they know they should leave. Every woman in this world who has a good man knows why they are such, I just want you to share, so I can pass on these good stories so that my friends can see that what there getting is not the only thing out there. There are a number of reasons why they may feel this is all then can get or what they deserve but once again that's another bolg topic, LOL. If there are any men out there who want to share what their definition of a man is then please feel free.


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

WE ARE JUST FRIENDS

Sometimes I see you and get excited
then there are times like "What have I started?"
at times its not fair to you to be in this situation
but what can I do when these feelings are part of your creation
so what becomes of this experience
do you learn from it or continue to make the same mistake
do you change things around to make a difference
or do you end the chapter and start anew
can you honestly walk away and let things remain the same
I think your heart is too locked in to end the game
sometimes you get too deep
when its really not that serious
because there is only me and you there is no US
don't get me wrong I do like you and feel some way towards you
But things could never escalate and your dreams can't come true
Before you get too deep evaluate the situation
double check the equation
and you will end with a conclusion
WE ARE JUST FRIENDS



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2000


(story behind the poem in short about 2 friends who take there relationship to another level and one goes too far and the other takes it for what it is, a fling. I'd love to here fed back and any experiences similiar to this. Which person do you think plays each role male(thinks its just a fling or takes it too far) or female?)

SHARING IS CARING

(SOMEONE SHARED THIS WITH ME SO I'M SHARING IT WITH YOU)


Last Week I threw out Worrying, it was getting old and in the way.
It kept me from being me; I couldn't do things God's way.
I threw out a book on MY PAST
(Didn't have time to read it anyway).
Replaced it with NEW GOALS, started reading it today.
I threw out hate and bad memories,
(Remember how I treasured them so)?
Got me a NEW PHILOSOPHY too, threw out the one from long ago.
Brought in some new books too, called I CAN, I WILL, AND I MUST.
Threw out I might, I think and I ought.
WOW, you should've seen the dust.
I ran across an OLD FRIEND, I hadn't talked to in a while.
His name is GOD the Father, and I really like His style.
He helped me to do some cleaning and added some things Himself.
Like PRAYER, HOPE, FAITH and LOVE, placed them right on the shelf.
I picked up this special thing and placed it at the front door.
I FOUND IT- its called PEACE. Nothing gets me down anymore.
Yes, I've got my house looking nice.
Looks good around the place.
For things like Worry and Trouble there just isn't any space.
It's good to do a little house cleaning,
Get rid of the things on the shelf.
It sure makes things brighter; maybe you should TRY IT YOURSELF.
BE BLESSED AND BE A BLESSING TO SOMEONE ELSE!!!!
May the Lord open the windows of heaven and pour you out a blessing that
you will not have room enough to receive it all.

Malachi 3:10.
May the Lord bless you exceedingly abundantly above all you could ever hope for.

Philippians 4:19.
"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed, to be disappointed!"
"Winners make things happen-- Losers let things happen

CHECK 'EM IF YOU HAVE TO!

Some of you can relate to this and some of you can't but I just want to break it down for you. When dealing with a man who has children prior to dealing with you be careful of the baby momma. There are some good women out there who are on good terms with their baby daddy/father of their kid(s) and for that matter call the men by the proper term "my child’s father", I am not talking to you. Only women who have issues with their baby daddy are called such, baby mama, this is directed towards you. Speaking from personal experience I have dealt with a man who has children outside of the children we have. Unfortunately I know the women who had these children (that's another story and not the moral of this one) I was never their friend or anything close to them just know each other from living in the same neighborhood and being in the same age group. My problem is when women use these children as a weapon against these men. I'm not saying don't get involved with these men all I'm saying is just be prepared to check the woman if you have to and don't be afraid of what your man thinks. I had to do that a few times and it was well deserved. Simply because this woman still has feelings for him whether they are because he broke her heart or because she was jealous of his new relationship/kids is far from my concern because I don't give a damn but as a woman I know the feelings are there. She tried to be my friend by putting the child in the middle and I had to check her. She acted as if I didn't know their past from #1 being there and #2 seeing her actions. So her coming at me with BS was a no go. I just wanted to vent a little bit because I'm tired of women dwelling on relationships that did not work especially where children are involved. Just because the parents don't work out you don't have to brainwash the kids that their father isn’t sh*t. Just focus on being the best parent you can be and your child’s well being. All the energy you’re putting into tearing him down your child is losing out. So the moral of the story is check a b*tch if she needs to be checked. You don't have to like each other just respect each other as women we got enough problems to deal with and make sure your man backs you up in how you feel if the BM starts flipping.

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Monday, May 31, 2010

REFLECTIONS

As I sit here and reflect on my many experiences,
I realize that I had no damn business,
doing some of the things I've done.
I'm older now and know the difference between needing and wanting,
Learning takes a lot out of you especially if your flaunting,
like you know a lot.
Honestly we don't know much because we are too busy going through trial and error,
Knowing damn well we know better.
Life is what you make it, you hear it all the time,
Simply going through your ears straight past your mind.
We all wanted to be grown early and do what we wanted to do,
get out of Mama's house some even dropped out of school.
Now looking back you see what an a** you were,
Because you can't find a good job or a damn babysitter.
Life is what you make it we all heard it before,
But a better life, is that what you want for sure.


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2009

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Before I get into this story I just want to let you know how pissed off you are going to be both male and female this will make you want to f**k someone up. No real names will be used because u don't know these people the situation is most important anyway.

Lisa and Shawn are couple 1/Michelle and Troy are couple 2-pay attention cause it might get complicated to follow

Both couples have been in a relationship for some time(years). They have had their ups and downs like normal but this new situation is going to destroy some lives possibly end some. Lisa and Troy have been sleeping around on the side for some time(years) meanwhile maintaining there own relationships. Almost a year ago Lisa had a baby and is not 100% that it is Shawn's baby(mommas baby daddy's maybe). There is a possibility that it is Troy's, now Lisa is pregnant again with twins and is telling Troy that the babies are his.The deepness of this situation is that Lisa is not sure who's the baby's father and is going to have said chilren and both men by the balls because neither will know who is the father and if Shawn finds out that Troy is the father murder and mayhiem could happen. Both Lisa and Troy have been caught up in lies and have gotten busted by both of their partners about their relationship and to their partners knowledge they are no longer in dealings with each other so its gonna hit the fan. Now as far as Lisa is concerned its f*cked up on her part as a woman to try and decieve both men like this knowing it could cause a reaction like 9/11(not making fun of 9/11 but just showing you the intensity of what her actions will lead to). Now Lisa is living with Shawn in a mansion like house and is being taken care of well. Shawn is a very nice guy all around and loves Lisa to death literally. Troy and Michelle have no children together but they own 2 properties together. Troy is also a nice guy and was kind of the ugly duckling growing up and never received the attention that Lisa was giving him so he went with the ride. I don't know Michelle personally so I can't speak for her but I know she and Troy got into a physical altercation over Lisa very early on in their relationship. Now Troy is feeling the consequences of his actions because he has no children and he does not want any, he is feeling ashamed because not many people knew(his family) that Lisa was the side chick, He is feeling all the feelings when you know you f*cked up. Lisa on the other hand is cool as a fan because she knows she has these 2 men in her hands but is not thinking of reality. Now both men are friends of mine but as of late Troy and I have been in conference with each and he is looking for help. This is probably the most traumatic thing that has ever happened to him so he is freakin' out.

Now the moral of this story is that there are lots of women out there trying to get a man at any means and cost possible and there are men out there not open to all possiblities of disaster. Not to say all women are bad but these women give us hard loving women a bad name because after this situation men think of women differently and they start dating different races because they feel black women are about some BS. Not to say women in other races are not but I can only speak for mine and what I've seen and what I know first hand. I know many men who are not 100% about the fact if they are the father of a child and from my stand point if you are not sure then you should get a DNA test ASAP. The same for women you know your not sure but you got homie taking care of the child for years and years and then somewhere down the line something happens. You need blood for said child or said child has a mental/rare disease and you don't know where its from and you have to get tested and come to find out he is not the father. Before you get into that situation get a DNA test. Why should the child suffer for an adults mistake or deception.

YOU HAVE TIME...........

This blog is inspired by a recent issue that has come up with someone close to me and everyday it happens to parents all around the world.

YOU FIND OUT YOUR CHILD HAS A "BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND" AND SEX IS ON THE MIND AT A YOUNG AGE

If you know a youngin' sit them down and let them read this, send it to people you know it may help.
I'll speak from experience first. When I was young I liked a few boys and I had my first puppy love at eleven. I thought I was smart enough to be with a little boy but I wasn't. My mom talked to me and told me things I needed to know but we all have those friends we listen to more than our parents because we think our friends are the most high. NOT. I did the deed when I was 14 years old which was no big deal. When I say no big deal I mean it was something I could have waited a few more years to do. I fell into statistics and became a teenage parent at 18. I ended up not being with the father but I can say I had smarts enough to know he wasn't going to be there and my mom had my back. Some young ladies are not so fortunate. You've seen that Luda and Mary video that stuff is so real for many of our youngin's.

We all know kids are going to do what they want to do but we as parents and as a people can't watch them walk into the deep end of the pool without knowing how to swim.

    If you are a young person reading this let me tell you something you can wait to have sex, you can wait to do drugs, you can wait to steal, you can wait to get into trouble with the law, you can wait to get into a gang, you can wait to pick up a gun and you can wait to be a drug dealer. I say you can wait because if your 11-25 you don't know what life is about and what lays ahead for you. After you learn a few things and go through some experiences you can make decisions. Right now you don't know a DAMN THANG. You may think you know because of what you see on T.V. or what your friend told you but you don't understand it. You don't understand the consequences of actions. Having sex early without the understanding of it may lead to HIV, AIDS, a baby, or any STD for that matter. If you feel you still want to have sex CONDOMS ARE A MUST. VALUE YOUR LIFE AND WHAT YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH IN IT. Forget about what the boy says or in some cases what the girl says because there are some kids out there who are uneducated and think condoms take away the feeling. If you really want to know don't use one and then you have to think everyday do I have a disease. Sex is an emotion when you get older you'll understand that. For all the youngin's who want to be grown before their time how about you move out of your parents house and try living on your own, working and trying to take care of yourself. It isn’t easy. You have time to be a kid, enjoy it that other life is out there for you when you are ready. For those who think selling drugs is the way to go I have many friends who lost their lives to the “game”, whether death, jail or getting hooked on the product themselves. FAST MONEY DOESN’T LAST AND FAST MONEY AIN'T ALWAYS GOOD MONEY. Education is power. School should be a priority getting a High School Diploma is a must, everyone is not ready for college but it’s always an option. If you have a talent whether it be singing, fashion, modeling, basketball or any other sport pursue that but always remember when your voice can't go any further, your designs aren't selling, your looks go, you get injured what will you fall back on because everyone doesn’t make it in those worlds. For all you youngin's who want to be rappers find something else to do because everyone can't be Jay-Z/Ludacris/T.I/Nas. For those who think guns are the thing for them shoot yourself and see how it feels. It isn’t cool. I've lost many friends to gun violence since I was 10 years old. My first experience to what guns can do. There is no coming back from that. If you want to join a gang because you feel that they are your family, WAKE UP. Go to a church or a mosque and find family there at least you'll be alive to tell your children how you progressed. In some cases these things may not work for our young and we will still have a few that will hear these words and go about their business but don't forget that there is someone out there who knows your pain and can help you in a good way or can use your pain for profit. Enjoy being young and enjoy life.
    As for my parents out there talk to you kids about everything even things you did. Keep them informed so they can make educated decisions. Then you won't be in court how when he is 16-22 saying what did I do wrong? If you educated him enough it wasn't you it was his stupid a** making a wrong decision and now he has to pay. I know it’s hard sometimes to talk to our kids but start young for those who can and for those whose kids are already teenagers sit them down TODAY and open lines of communication. If we don't raise our kids someone or something else will.

FOR THE YOUNGIN'S DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK YOUR PARENTS ABOUT LIFE BECAUSE WE ARE NOT GOING TO GET MAD WE MAY BE A LIL SHOCKED AT YOUR QUESTION BUT WE WILL DO THE BEST TO ANSWER THEM IF YOU DON'T FEEL CONFORTABLE WITH YOUR PARENT ASK ANY ELDER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR GRANDMA, GRANPA, AUNT, UNCLE, GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, PASTOR, CHOIR DIRECTOR, BIBLE SCHOOL TEACHER, TUTOR, COACH, TEACHER, ETC...............

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

MONDAYS, DOUBLE SPEAK & THE "N" WORD

This may offend some people but I thought it was funny as hell. It just goes to show you how much thought people put into covering up racism and that it is still a big issue. Some time ago at work a co-worker of mine told me a story. He went to a wedding and was having a conversation with a friend. Since we work 3rd shift this friend had a few questions about our clientele. The conversation went a lil something like this:

friend: so since you work 3rd shift do you get a lot of mondays?
co-worker: (perplexed look) yeah like one a week duh.
friend: no I mean black people.
co-worker: (still perplexed look) not really but why are you calling them mondays?
friend: because everyone hates mondays.
THE END

So my co-worker came to work and shared this story with me as we talk all the time about various things. I thought it was hiliarious for 1. it shows how small minded the people are in this state, in the world, etc... 2. it shows that racism is still alive and strong. 3. how much thought was put into him coming up with this. 4. he is using double speak, which takes a non common term and sub it for a bad term. and 5. because honestly everyone does hate mondays (the day of the week I mean). So my response was so what are white people Fridays? So the co-worker and I tried a little experiment on another co-worker to see if she would fall into the trap. We both go to her and start a casual conversation and then out of nowhere he says I hate mondays to see if she would say so do I. She didn't fall for it but she also didn't know the meaning behind the story either. So every chance I get I used the term as a joke because it is so damn funny because we are still so much of a threat to people that they are so scared to say what they really mean they have to use coded words. Then recently another co-worker told me about a co-orker of her sisters' whom is black instead of using the 'N' word she calls us Nigels. Now what the hell is that. You ask why the anger a little bit on this story and not the first simply because we understand us as a people. We know our stuggle and for her to fall into the trap shows her weakness. So the moral behind this story is watch out for what people are saying to you because double speak is out there. If anyone has any comments please feel free.

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2009

Friday, May 21, 2010

PAIN

My head hurts
and my body aches
I don't know how much more of this I can take
I don't like what I see
I'm not feeling the way I should be
I've expanded myself in all directions
trying to deal with my imperfections
I'm not at my best
I DON'T feel a lot more
I feel a lot less
passionate about all that I love
how do I change what I feel
Do I lock it up and never reveal?
I can't do that
That's how I got here
Destroying myself from the inside
Hiding the pain and all the tears I've cried
My head hurts
And my body aches
I don't know how much more I can take


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2001

Saturday, May 15, 2010

INSPIRED

SITTING HERE ON THE "A" TRAIN GOING HOME
TRYING TOBREAK UP MY THOUGHTS TO WRITE THIS POEM
SO MUCH IS ON MY MIND I CAN'T CONCENTRATE
ANOTHER NIGHT AT H&M COMING HOME LATE
AS I GET CLOSER TO MY STOP I'M HAPPY TO GET OFF THE TRAIN
THANK GOD NOBODY DECIDED TO BE A PAIN,
IN MY A** TONIGHT
BECAUSE AS I TIRED AS I AM I COULDN'T GET STRENGTH FROM ANYWHERE TO FIGHT
GET AWAY FROM ME
GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
ALL THIS DAMN SPACE ON THE TRAIN
YOU HAVE TO SIT NEAR ME, DAMN!
YES, I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID
MY EARS ARE WORKING
I AM NOT DEAF
I JUST DON'T HAVE TO RESPOND
SO GET YOUR A** UP AND MOVE ON
I FINALLY GET OFF THE TRAIN AND OUT OF THE SITUATION
MY MIND STILL JUMBLED AS I WALK TO MY DESTINATION
ANOTHER SITUATION THAT GAVE ME INSPIRATION
TO WRITE



SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003

ABANDONED

THINGS CAN NEVER BE THE SAME WAY

THEY USED TO BE BETWEEN US

SOMETIMES I LOOK AT YOU IN TOTAL DISGUST

FOR WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH

WHEN ALL WAS CRUMBLING AROUND ME I SAID "I NEEDED YOU"

AND YOUR RESPONSE WAS "I HAVE MY OWN ISSUES"

WE WERE FRIENDS ABOVE ALL ELSE

I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHENEVER YOU NEEDED MY HELP

I KNEW THINGS WEREN'T GOING RIGHT WITH

YOUR SITUATION AND I ASKED YOU TO COME HOME

BUT YOU NEGLECTED WHAT WE HAD AS IF IT MEANT NOTHING

I GAVE ALL I HAD TO YOU PLUS ALL I DIDN'T HAVE

I GAVE ALL MY EFFORT TO MAKE US LAST

THE SAME WASN'T GIVEN IN RETURN

WHICH IN THE LONG RUN I HAD TO LEARN

YOU EVENTUALLY CAME HOME AND

TRIED TO GET THINGS TO MAKE SENSE

WE WEREN'T ON THE SAME PAGE

OUR GOALS WERE DIFFERENT





SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

LMJ©2003

UNTITLED

I'm cut off from the outside world and slowly suffocating
I can't breathe
I'm hyperventilating
It's lonely out here
With all my shadows and fears
I'm hiding from myself


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER
LMJ©2001

UNTITLED

CLOSED EYES
THOUGHTS RUNNING RAMPANT
GOOD TIMES
HEART BEAT NORMAL
WARM TOUCH
BODY FEELING SECURE
GOOD LUCK
ALL THINGS FALLING INTO PLACE


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

UNTITLED

It’s been awhile since I put pen to paper
Always had the outlook I’ll do it later
So much of life has happened to me in these past few years
So much sh*t if I told someone it would bring them to tears
I brush it off and keep things moving
Just like anyone else I know
I’ve got some improving to do
When you have so much going on with one problem bigger than the last
You save face and keep pushing fast
Let them catch you when they can
If your one step ahead of them hell you might win the game,
LIFE
Can tear you down to nothing if you let it
Set some goals and put your priorities into perspective
I don’t complain about my issues let alone worry about myself
My pride has me on high so I don’t ask for help
This will either make me or break me
Mold me or fold me
Either I get in control or just let it be

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2007

Monday, April 19, 2010

I CAN'T BREATHE

I FEEL THE TIGHTNESS INSIDE OF ME
I CAN'T SEE
I CAN'T BREATHE
MY HEART IS RACING
TOO SCARED TO IMAGINE WHAT I'M FACING
MY FEAR IS ON HIGH
AS I WATCH THE FEAR DANCE IN MY DAUGHTER'S EYES
I'M ALL ALONE IN HERE
WITH EVERY BREATH
THERE COMES A TEARS
I CAN'T BREATHE
I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN
BUT THERE IS NOT ENOUGH AIR
I CLOSE MY EYES TO GAIN CONTROL
IT'S OVER
I CAN'T BREATHE ANYMORE

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2001

BEFORE

MISTAKES HAVE TO HAPPEN
BEFORE WE LEARN
WE HAVE TO DO
BEFORE WE EARN
PROBLEMS WILL START
BEFORE THEY'RE SOLVED
COMPLICATIONS HAVE TO APPEAR
BEFORE THEY ARE RESOLVED
LOVE HAS TO HAPPEN
BEFORE THE HEARTS ARE TO BE BROKEN
OPPORTUNITY HAS TO KNOCK
BEFORE THE DOORS OPEN
THINGS HAVE TO HAPPEN
THEN WE START FROM THERE
PICTURES COME ON T.V.
BEFORE WE STARE

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©1993

Sunday, April 18, 2010

MY NEW YORK

In my New York the MTA stands for Might Take All day
Always running but not at your pace
Shuttle bus on the weekends
Something always out of place
In my New York we move to a different beat
Slick talking, hustle always on
Fast paced, we rock to a different song
Some hoods are crazy and some suburbs low key
Compared to where you’re from nothing is like my city
In my New York the lingo is bananas
From Queens Brooklyn the Bronx to Manhattan
We can’t forget the Island of Staten
I love this city no matter how far I go away
From the culture in Harlem, the Latin flavor in the Bronx to the beaches of Far Rockaway
This is my city all day everyday
In my New York “The Melting Pot” it is
Many places to go: South Street Seaport, the Deuce, City Island, Chelsea Piers
So many landmarks you have no idea
Come to my city just once if you’ve never been
We have our problems like any other city every now and then
In my New York there is a parade for almost any and everything
Gay Pride, Thanksgiving, St. Pat’s, Puerto Rican and West Indian Day and a lot in between
In my New York crooked cops get away with a lot
Abner Louima, Sean Bell 50 shots
Many days never forgotten
The Blackout of 2003, 9/11, the miracle on the Hudson, and when the Yankees win the World Series
In my New York
The city that NEVER sleeps


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2007

Thursday, April 15, 2010

HATE

I hate what you’ve done to me

You’ve made it so I constantly live in misery

Sometimes I suppress what happened that night

How easily you took from me because I was too terrified to fight

You had my life in your hands and almost made the decision to end it

I watched you go from loving to deranged in a second

You hurt me mentally and physically just to prove a point

How was I supposed to know the person you previously showed me was a front?

I hate what you did to my mind

You took so much from me that I blocked it out for a long time

My subconscious protected me

For I was not ready to deal

For months the nightmares I was having didn’t seem real

I would toss and turn all night

I would withdraw from society because I didn’t know how to feel

I hate what you did to my heart

You made me not trust or feel safe around anyone

It’s a struggling process, that didn’t have a good start

I push people away when I know they are good for me

I thought the same about you

Good for me, HA!

Your love wasn’t love; you destroyed me because of hate

You say I lied to you constantly

How can I lie to someone who was a lie to me?

You made it seem like I led you on

Although you were determined to prove you were right and I was wrong

That made you feel good that you could justify your actions

By saying I implied we were something

WE WERE NOT!

I know you remember what you did to me it’s not something you forgot

I hate you for not putting me out of my misery

But of course you didn’t do that because you wanted me to suffer

Since it’s embedded in my memory

I hate what you did to my body

You took something that if you loved properly could be given so freely

The scars you left me with were not only physical

They are still with me today

Sometimes I block them out praying they’ll go away

I’ve tried taking them head on to prove to myself that I’m ok

But I still have a long long way to go

It took many years to talk about it let alone write it down for others to see

But it’s a healing process I set up for me

I’ve still never actually said the words out loud to anyone else

I’m still trying to say the words to myself

I know the extremes you’ve been to when you felt someone was a threat to you

You destroy them and watch them crumble to pieces from what you put them through

I WILL SURVIVE this to move on with my life

I need someone to love me more than I love myself

Sometimes I can’t take it anymore and feel if I wasn’t here this wouldn’t haunt me

That’s not hard to tell

But all that would happen is I’d meet you in the afterlife and we’d both suffer together in hell

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ ©2003

DREAM

I used to wake up in a cold sweat

Screaming and fighting trying to connect

My dreams to my reality

In visions I had that never resembled me

I’d be scared all the time

Never liked to be closed in

Withdrew from the world even from friends

I could never put pieces together

Or put a face on what I saw

My visions were so flawed

It took a long time of flashbacks and triggers to realize the connection

And how I subconsciously knew how to protect it

It changed me in a way I never thought possible

Became someone different right in front of you

Fear and pain has taken over

Now strength and freedom hid in a place where insecurity and nervousness now live

I never thought this to be the cause of my “about face” or really looked at what was taking place

You stole something from me that can’t be given back

Things like trusting people and a real sense of security

It’s taken a long time but I’m partially back on track

I no longer wake up in a cold sweat because I no longer dream

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
­­©2002

REST IN PEACE CHRISTOPHER "B.I.G" WALLACE

Brooklyn mourns especially today

For this day six years ago someone took you away

Your home going was fit for a king

As the tribute songs played on the radio we stopped once we heard Faith sing

We felt pain and anger

As those close to you felt danger

They never thought it to be real

When your first album dropped we felt your flavor

We never thought your friendship with Pac would destroy you later

You will always be remembered by those who love you

They will never let you be forgotten

From Mrs. Wallace, your kids, Diddy, the music industry, fans, Faith to Kim

You are one of the trees that grew in Brooklyn

There will never be a question or thought of maybe

You are one of the best BIG BABY!

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
­©2003

HAVE YOU........

Have you ever lost someone you loved?

You feel deprived because you can’t feel them

You’re lost because they are not there

You cry because you have a whole new set of fears

Have you ever lost someone you loved?

I have

I dream about them every night

I try to stay focused and not lose sight

I’ll never stop loving him because he is a part of me

He is locked in my soul and I will never set him free

I love him still, I do

Have you ever lost someone?

Have you?


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2001

DAMN

I lost a part of me the other day

When I realized it, it was too late

I was focused on something else of less value

Not thinking I would forget you

How could I be so careless?

What you meant to me was PRICELESS!

To lose you or leave you behind was the worst thing I could’ve done

You were a part of me

We were ONE

You had my thoughts, my visions, you had me

So leaving you should NEVER happen

I hoped that you would still be there

But I gave up so easily

Questioning myself did I really care?

Did I leave you to someone who can’t appreciate your existence?

They’ll try to change you to make you compliment them for instance

But they CAN’T have what we had no matter how hard they try!

It took sometime but I’ve come to terms with losing you

I have to say goodbye

If I would have paid attention you would be here with me today

But I let something so minor get in our way

As the doors separated us I was consumed with extreme pain

I was so careless I left my poem book on the train

DAMN!


SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2003

Saturday, April 10, 2010

CHEATING, WHATS YOUR TAKE ON IT

(JUST MY CURIOUS MIND AT WORK)
IN THIS DAY AND AGE WHEN RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT PLENTIFUL, MARRIAGES AT A LOW OR IN SHAMBLES AND SO MANY SINGLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHEN OR IF THERE IS EVER A TIME THAT CHEATING IS ACCEPTED OR SHOULD I SAY VALID? WITH ALL THESE CELEBRITIES GETTING CAUGHT CHEATING & GOING TO "REHAB", WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO CURE? HOW DO YOU FEEL, IS IT ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER OR DO YOU THINK THAT THEIR PARTNER PLAYED A ROLE IN WHY THE OTHER ONE CHEATS/CHEATED?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

YOU GIVE ME STRENGTH

When you say you need me to be okay
You give me strength to make the next day
When I get fed up, stressed out, scared and want it to be over
You become that friend I need, your shoulder becomes my shoulder
You try to give me all I need because you believe I deserve it
You give me strength to hang in there and not quit
Whenever I question my happiness or ask when will I get all I desire
You put me on a pedestal
So high that things you say to me make me feel no one else can get higher
You give me strength to be a survivor
I am the happiest woman alive
Because you love me unconditionally


(This poem originally had a different meaning and was longer but as I was typing I got a different perspective of what this meant. You know you always hear people say God spoke to me, well I won't say I heard him but as I read this poem back to myself I felt the need to cut it off there because I felt thats who this poem should praise instead. I felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction as I redirected my emotion from MAN to GOD. I had a moment!)

©06/2003
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

Monday, April 5, 2010

FATHER OF YOUR CHILD (REN) OR BABY DADDY

These 2 terms have been sitting on my mind for awhile and I clearly feel there is a difference. Speaking from my own life & experience I have become more aware of what these 2 terms mean for me. I have 3 children by 2 men and both experiences are total opposites from the relationship on down to how I deal with both men.

Women are so quick to say “oh that’s just my baby daddy” or jokingly call the man they share a child with “my baby daddy”. As far as I’m concerned that is an insult to a MAN who plays his role as a FATHER. Words are so much more than sounds. There are times it’s not how you say it but what you say that’s important. We have all used the “baby daddy” term in some way shape or fashion but I want to give a different outlook and maybe it will change how people go forward using this term. As a mother of daughters I want to show them that having a “baby daddy” can happen even if you start out with a “father of your child” but the ultimate goal is to be able to choose the right type for the long term.

As women we can tell the difference between the 2 off top, that little thing called “intuition” we don’t listen to as often as we should is a clear indicator. We too often feel “WE CAN CHANGE HIM” and fall victim to the BS. I knew I didn’t want to have children with my ‘baby daddy” so I took the necessary steps not to but life had its own plan for me and looking back my experience will help someone now. I know most times it doesn't happen that way, we date or get married, have kids with a man and then see who they truly are as far as being a parent. Men change as well as women when kids are involved that's life but if my story helps anyone it will help you to be more observant of who you wish to share this experience with.

At 17, I was messing around with an older guy, no relationship title at least from my stand point we were “talking” as we used to say back in the day. In my mind I was just having fun it was no harm no big deal. I got pregnant and man was it a learning experience for my ass! I took precautions to not get pregnant but we all know they aren’t 100% guaranteed! I had no expectations of what his role would be or if he would play one considering our situation. Looking back I’m amazed at how mature I was emotionally. Fast forward to child being present, for the first year he was the best father in all aspects. He took financial responsibility completely, I wanted for nothing concerning our child. He spent quality time with her, he was the proud father. Only difference was we were not involved at least in my eyes but I learned some men have a “control” thing with them. They feel if they have child with you they “own” you or they’re “obligated” to your life. What I mean is they are all in your business: who you hang with, what man you’re dating, what you wear, why is this person around their child, etc. Since I was younger he felt that “control” would keep me at bay so he could always “get in where he fit in” but he didn’t realize who he was dealing with. Even at that age my “I don’t give a fuck” attitude was high. After a year he became my baby daddy. Everything else became more important than she did. I saw that because I wasn’t giving him attention he was not interested in just being her father. With a baby daddy you have to ask them to “watch” your child if you need to go out or take care of important business. Until he moved on from that he was just a “dude I had a kid with”.

Thus crowning him my baby daddy! You know the type whenever you see them they have to make a scene. Have to keep their ego going. They’re always wearing their emotions on their sleeve. Happy to see you especially if you’re looking good not concerned with the child you guys had together. Always asking “How are YOU doing?” when they see you then asking about the kid. They’re always concerned with your relationship status. Whenever you call concerning the child they want to take the conversation left. They are always in and out of your child’s life. They always seem to be present when you’re single but very distant when you have a mate. They always have something smart or bad to say about your mate but you can’t comment on their “broad of the week”. More times than not he is concerned with YOU before he is about the kid. I could go on and on about this!

Till this day he is my baby daddy and I deal with him accordingly. Our child is 14 now and he still lights up like a Christmas tree if I call him or we see each other. When I became single he still thought he had a chance, MAN PLEASE! He has no real relationship with our child nor does he supply for her. It’s his loss. I don’t dwell on it; I explained to my child his actions and also let her make her own decisions concerning him.

I have 2 children with another man I deem “father of my children”; largely because he was a man about our situation. We are not together but as a man he is more concerned about his children. He is concerned with me only in the aspect of if I’m not good I cannot be good for our children. He is not concerned with whom or if I’m dating solely because he knows I will not bring just anybody around our children. His priority is us having a great relationship for our children. Granted we are human and we have our times where I want to smack the hell out of him and he keeps his distance because he misses his family/our relationship but we jump that hurdle every time it is present. The overall goal is accomplished. Our situation is unique so what most would want I don’t care about, what I’m getting benefits my children more emotionally.

First off I planned to have children with this man. Yes people still plan to have children! It’s not common but it happens. He was my partner, we had a relationship. We established what we would do as parents. He played his role well, granted we are no longer together but he plays his role as best he can due to distance playing interference. I knew this man for 13 years prior to dating him and taking it to the next level so we knew fairly a lot about each other. Ironically he was the one friend I confided in about life altering events in my life. He was much more than a friend to me over the years but we never took it there until we got older. A life altering event brought us together and we blossomed from there. He was there every day nurturing our children. He was there when both were born and we made and still make every decision together concerning our children. We decide on everything from healthcare to religion and everything in between. When we were together I never had to ask; he saw, and he did. It was to the point the kids asked Daddy for everything. He made breakfast, washed clothes, cooked dinner, took the kids on outings all the time and just played with them. He took pride in his role as the father. Granted our relationship didn’t work and for a little while it was hard to be a father but he didn’t let that prevent him from doing so.

As I said distance runs interference, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to play his role as their father. As adults you have to sacrifice and make decisions that are the hardest sometimes, as a parent its double sometimes triple the sacrifice. At times certain circumstances limit those decisions but you work with it as best you can. I’m one place because its best for our children and he’s one place because it’s best for him. I don’t see it as being selfish but since we are not together relationship wise things had and have to be adjusted. Our current situation affects our children but as parents and adults you try as best you can to lessen that affect.

Also another huge difference from my 2 men are my "baby daddy" was raised by a single woman and never had any dealings with his father and the "father of my children" had a relationship with his father from day one. Past always plays a role in the present as well as the environment you were brought up in. There are exceptions to these rules but I'm just speaking of my experiences.

In saying all of that I hope my words have inspired and my experience has helped someone.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

THE PURPOSE OF THE "JUMPOFF/SIDEPIECE" (MALE/FEMALE)

This subject is really funny to me so I have to give my 2 cents on it. The Jumpoff/SidePiece is apart of the cycle of life. Just as whores, pimps, hoes, criminals, pornstars, idiots, and many other characters. If not you someone has to play these roles so don't get mad at them. On the funny side of it there are women/men who prefer this title and thats cool. If you know the rules and operate accordingly than its all good. If you love it I can't judge it.

A JumpOff/SidePiece can be male or female but today's focus is on the female. They serve a purpose just as anyone else.  We all have our place is this world, whatever yours is make it mean something. Don't hate on the JumpOff/SidePiece either! Just keep  them from around your mate and you should be fine. Now on the flip side of things if you are in a relationship and you have a JumpOff/SidePiece there is a reason for them. The least valid reason is "because you can or just because". Speaking from a woman's perspective if a man is lacking something in your relationship but he doesn't feel the need to leave you he will take on a JumpOff/SidePiece to assist him in areas you are lacking. It could be sex(oral), conversation, meals, money, affection(no sex involved), or emtional. Over time I have realized as a woman if you don't take care of your mate on ALL levels he WILL find someone else who will and still stay with you. In this event as a woman you should not be mad at the JumpOff/SidePiece but place anger where it truly belongs ON YOURSELF. If you are involved with a man who plays his position like MJ with you then you should assist him like Pippen and motivate him like Phil Jackson. You can't start out like Kobe and tapper off and become Stephan Maurbary and expect him  to be faithful or continue to give his all! Its just not right. It won't add up. Now granted there is an exception to every rule there are men who get that love and support and still cheat but thats a blog for the future. This blog focuses more on women not doing their job and mad at the JumpOff/SidePiece like its her fault. I also want to address the JumpOff/SidePieces trying to move up on the chain of command.

Simple rules to follow, play your position or get traded/bencehed/retired. Value what you have if its a great thing cause trust options are getting slimmer and slimmer by the day between down low brothers, jail, mama's boys, unemployment rates, disease, and baby mama drama quality men are beind snatched up QUICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now for the JumpOff/SidePiece trying to move up in ranks, be careful. This is a dangerous game if you get caught up with emotions/feelings/fall in love. Most often then not the man will not look at you as "the one". You are more regarded as an accessory.  Rims on his car, Watch on his wrist, Co-signer for his car/apartment, or milkshake drinker. Its possible to be in love with the JumpOff/SidePiece but if your looking for the gold medal at the end of the race it may never happen. You aslo have to learn to fall back. Don't ever mention the main girl/wife, that's just disrespectful! Don't press him for time when he needs you he knows how to find you! If you knowing are a JumpOff/SidePiece please stick to your script, its not that hard! Please don't get pregnant either, more heartache and static plus we all know kids do not keep folks together. They damn sure don't make men leave one for the other.

I take my hat off to the JumpOff/SidePiece, better you than me! Its a cold cold world out there.

Memo to JumpOff/SidePiece: Your services are not needed here!