Tuesday, August 23, 2011


You had me stagnant for some time
Never thought that would be a destination for me
Couldn't breathe
Couldn't feel
Couldn't cry
Although all the signs were there that this would happen
Thought it still wasn't possible
Never saw you as the one who would cause the greatest pain
Truly understand what null and void feel like
You had me angry
You had me defeated
You had me lost
Despite all that, hating you is something useless to me
Some part of me will never forget
Some part of me will always hurt
Through it all I wasn't destroyed
I never want to feel you again
Wouldn't wish you on an enemy or a friend
You are................. A BROKEN HEART



My heart craves you
You're constantly on my mind
Yet SO out of reach
You move me to do for others
You give me hope
Yet I've had and lost you too many times
You make me smile
You make me laugh
Yet sometimes I recognize you
You keep me motivated
You have me singing loud in the shower
You make me want to continue doing all things good
Yet you had me heartbroken a time or two
I want you despite all the possibilities things can go wrong
You make me cry tears of joy
You continue to make my days spontaneous
Yet you've been gone from me for awhile now
You've given me some of the best days as well as some o the worst
Yet I'd HAPPILY open my arms to you time and time again!
You, I can talk about all day
You, I miss dearly
Yet the time may not be right, maybe
That's always an open ended statement
Yet I'll wait for you as long as need be
You are.....................................LOVE!

© 8/23/11

Monday, August 15, 2011

I LOVE black men BUT.................

The other day I was having a discussion on interracial dating, some interesting comments were made and I had to LMBO at a few. The "double standard" definitely came up a lot! It seems some black men feel a way about black women dating white men and most black women have an issue with black men dating white women. In my opinion black men have the advantage because they can date almost any race. Many of them give black women a bad rap with their "stereotypes", things such as black women have nothing but attitude, we like drama, too demanding, loud, care more about money amongst other things said, so other races are threatened/intimidated by us. Also most races would have an issue bringing the black woman home to their families. Black men have a little more acceptance with it because "boys will be boys".

Most black women including myself LOVE our black men but our options are drying up like a jheri curl with no activator after a hot summer day in Texas! Our black men are trading us in for every color of the rainbow for various reasons. Between jail, unemployment, STDs, homosexuality, freeloaders, mama's boys and anything else that knocks them out for eligible black women. Black men face some similar odds with black women as well so don't get your Fruit of The Looms in a bunch, its just not as much! Its hard out here for both sides but let's face the numbers there are more women in this world than men AND there are definitely more black women to black men. So when a black woman dates or marries outside of her race, can you blame her? Would you rather her date/marry one of the bad choices I listed, date a woman or just be single and wait her turn? That wait could be a LONG time! If you choose any of those answers that's pretty selfish. In this day and age seriously race should not even be a problem if both are happy. Let's be realistic now! Dating today is far more a task than 2 years ago let alone 10 years ago.

Now there are some women who look for a man to take care of them and dollars motivate them, doesn't matter what race is involved! Black women have more to eliminate them when looking to date other races than black men. With black men you have the "once you go black you never go back" rule, LOL. White women especially want to see if the "stories" about black men and their size are true so many of them are always game. Latin women, modern types mostly, love black men just as much as black women do. Black men no matter what their issues have the pick of the litter with women, ask Tiger Woods, LOL! Matter of fact don't ask him a damn thing his "game" is trash, but that's a whole other story, LMBO!

Now some black men say black women date white men for the wrong reasons BUT what about the black men who date white women for the wrong reasons: The ones who want someone to take care of them just because they're "laying the pipe down", for acceptance in corporate/political arenas, good credit, etc... More black men date other races for the wrong reason vs black women. Many black men give us a bad rap so not many other races want to mess with us so we don't really have that luxury of dating outside our race.

So in saying all that I'd date outside my race in a heartbeat, love has no color. I LOVE my black men BUT the odds of finding a good one is becoming slimmer and slimmer. At the end of the day we're all mixed and when the lights go out we're all the same color!

Now this blog may cause a lot of debate but it is what it is. I don't care who dates who and why. Many date/marry who they want for whatever reason, to each his/her own. I say have an open mind these days. You never know who you'll meet. I LOVE my black me BUT................do they still love us?

August 2011

Friday, August 5, 2011


A pain so deep you don't even know it exist.
You go on about things thinking you've gotten over that HURT until something ignites it. You're frozen because you don't know what to do; confusion, fear and anxiety hit you like a ton of bricks. How do you go about tackling the elephant in the room when you didn't even know it was there?
Everyone has their own way of dealing with extreme HURT. Whether it be covering it up, replacing it with something worse or better or dealing with it to move on properly. Only one can determine what works for them. In the process of whatever one decides there will be some loss; whether it be friendship, some of yourself or love.  
The cause of that HURT no matter where from, effects us all in various ways. We can understand another's pain because we can identify with pain. We casually say 2 one another "I feel your pain", in all honesty we don't since we deal with pain differently. Pain in my opinion is temporary. HURT is more of a lengthy emotion. HURT is layers of emotions depending on the cause. Think about it, when one is effected by it they say "I was HURT by ...................", that's deeper than pain. The reality is we all get HURT in some way, shape form or fashion. How we handle it is a whole other thing.
I never knew HURT until a few years ago. Didn't realize how deeply embedded it was until recently. Once HURT one tends to guard their emotions with all the army's of the world. There are pros and cons of that high level of guarding but that HURT is more powerful sometimes, but you know you never want to feel it again. You'd rather be cautious than deal with HURT! You'd rather be prepared to handle your emotions than deal with HURT!
Now when HURT by someone you gave your heart to, completely & loved them unconditionally, that's a HURT that can break the strongest person. It shatters your trust system and the way you view almost everything in regards to relationships/friendships. Your first thought is, if this person can hurt me no matter what you've come to know about them after the fact, then anyone who cares for you less can do the same thing. Its not fair to them or you but until you feel safe again you tread very lightly with newcomers. Its hard for you to believe a person could be such a liar, deceiver and/or manipulator. How could someone cause you so much HURT if they claim to love/like or be fond of you? How can someone be that cold? You may never get those answers and if you do they still won't make you feel better. You have to work on that HURT for you, not to mend the situation that caused it. That will never be the same.
Now I'm definitely not the one to give advice or suggestions on how to fix it for you, because I'm currently dealing with it. All I can tell you is its like being in a prison of emotions. You're scared to let people in, scared to love and scared of being HURT again. What I can say is work on becoming stronger emotionally. Who you were before being HURT is somewhat gone. You have to work on the new you as well as anyone who deals with you needs to be patient. Its like learning to walk again but possibly slower. You have to learn how to trust again. You have to learn how to determine what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe you missed a lot before with the one who HURT you so now you have to be thoroughly aware of who you let in now. Its a crappy process and sucks for the one who wants to get to know you. They may see it as "oh just get over it", if they only knew that's one wish you wish could be granted like yesterday! Sometimes you don't even control how you react to things. Its like the "unknown" is the flu and your immune system just kicks in to protect you. Your sense of having control becomes a priority. Its an unrealistic way to carry on because you can't control everything but any small sense of control keeps you functional. Slowly on the road to "everything is ok now". HURT is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Time is a huge factor in dealing with HURT, there is no set time to get passed it. Don't let it consume you, allow yourself to move forward at a reasonable pace. The HURT will decline and you'll get to a place where its replaced by love and happiness. Its easy to stay in the HURT. Don't be easy, fight the HURT like it just took your last piece of food or your last dollar!
If there is any comfort you can hold onto its, I truly feel and understand your HURT. I'm in the moment with you. Its okay to admit you're going through, that's the first step to dealing with it.