Monday, January 17, 2011
said read the Daniel Fast Devotional for yesterday and today so I can be on
track. I started reading the 5th day devotional: Take Every Thought Captive and
the 6th day devotional: The Kingdom Of God. I got halfway through the 6th day devotional and decided
to write down some notes and scriptures from the book as well as other
scriptures that have been recommended to me. I wanted to breakdown what I've
learned so far but my pen was willed another way and instead of being a personal
memo it became this blog post. I am a vessel!
Some of you know about my journey of spiritual closeness and working on having a better
relationship with God, well this journey has been very EYE OPENING! I've always
known the power of God but had not really studied the bible in any extent. I
knew the Lord's prayer and some of the Commandments. Mere basics but many of you can relate, you may know a little more than me and some of you may know less. Ever since my car accident
I've known I was blessed to make it through for a purpose. Once my car stopped
flipping and I landed on my side the person driving behind me approached my car,
his first words were "Is anybody alive in there?" I was already out of my seat
belt trying to figure out how to get out of the car since it was on its side.
When I heard his words I laughed. Although I was in the car and alert watching
myself flip I didn't think it was that bad. He helped me out and his face was
full of shock. He couldn't believe I was unharmed and alert. I kept assuring him
I was fine, thanking him and saying I didn't want an ambulance. Once the cops came and flipped my car
over then I realized how it could have ended. My car landed on the gas tank
side. I cried then at the thought of my car possibly blowing up. Prior to my
accident I've been through a lot and each time my strength has gotten me through
solely because I know its God's will. I many times have failed myself but He
has NEVER failed me! This time he "showed" me how he works. On this journey I've
looked to outside sources for help and soon learned I had to continue to do so. I've always been the type to hold in things and deal with them my way, its a heavy burden. I've let go of a
lot of people/things and distanced myself from it all, its a process. I'm learning to let go and let God(this too is also a process, it takes time).
I started the Daniel Fast on 1-11-11, symbolic to me for starting back at one,
which is myself. I've noticed so much now that I'm more focused. I see things a
lot clearer. Since this year began I've not had 1 sad day. Now don't get me
wrong I am human I've had some lazy moments(procrastination) and some down days but it all in the process of healing, but I've not been
angry, sad, no reason to be sad or worried. At some point in your life that
light bulb goes off and everything falls into place. In the moment of my
accident I didn't scream, cry, or feel scared. Granted I panicked but who
wouldn't. That panic was short lived once I realized it was out of my control. I
didn't pray or call out to God. Before I got on the road I prayed to have a safe
journey home. Although I crashed I did have what I prayed for I arrived home
safe as well as my journey being safe because I was unharmed.
Ever since I've been stripped of many things. I lost a car which gave me access
to many things. I lost some independence because I had to depend on others now. That
soon went south as family & "friends" became distant and strangers became my
pillars of strength. I've always been iffy on having faith in "man". I lost all
will to tolerate having dead weight in my life. Whatever I lost was minor to all
I had gained. After my accident I questioned why it happened. I did not want to
miss my purpose with my second chance. I'm always thinking out of the box and
have always felt things happen for a reason. I did not want to ignore this reason. I
couldn't get my answers from anyone but God so he is who I turned to. I prayed
constantly for wisdom, patience and strength. I got side tracked a few times,
you know the devil is always busy but I'm on my way. This is not written for
anyone to think "oh she had a near death experience so NOW she's turning her
life to God", this is done to show we ALL lose our way but you can always come
back "home". He's always been a whisper to me throughout my life but on October
30, 2010 he SCREAMED at me and I heard him.
I always knew I had a purpose but I let many things get me away from that
purpose. In life we all have a "wake-up call", mine was that accident. I didn't
even want to tell anyone about it at first, I figured I was fine no need to
worry anyone but then it hit me I had to tell my story. Once I released it a
multitude of things came from doing so. I've heard a lot lately you can't have a
testimony without a test, I've gotten mine. God brought me through to be a
vessel. Once I felt comfortable in being so my life had begun to change. I'm
going through the process. I've also heard "if you allow God to lead you he will
never lead you astray", if that isn't the purest of truths I don't know what is.
Many of us, me included, think we know what's best for ourselves. We look back
on our lives and see the mistakes we've made and the consequences of those
actions. We've all done things we know DAMN well we shouldn't. My life thus far
has been based on what I thought was right. I'm "good people" so why can't I
have this, that and the third but many times I didn't deserve "it" or wasn't
ready for "it" and "it" failed. These days my mind frame is different. I can no
longer "preach" directly to people. Now I just "preach", those who catch the message are grateful and those who feel its a "shot" at them personally will
never get it at least not from me.
I can't tell anyone how to live their life or how to get through the process or
how to get a better relationship with God, that's a journey you must take alone.
What I CAN do is tell my story and what I've learned. The lessons are there you
just have to pick up on it. I'm a work in progress He is not through with me
yet! I'm following the plan that was chosen for me. I ignored the directions I
was given and got lost but I'm following them now.
I've always know that people have been placed in your life for a reason and I've
come across many folks in my life BUT now He's placing many pillars in my life
to keep me focused. I'm clear on folks purpose or hidden agendas. I'm always
tested. We all are. What I started out to write has become
something far different. Once again I am a vessel!