Monday, June 20, 2011


Often times we place so much blame and anger on others for where we are at a particular point in our lives that we NEVER look at ourselves for being the sole reason we are there. We're mad at everyone including God for not having something or another we feel we deserve NEVER thinking for one second WE DON"T DESERVE IT! We fail to realize just because we want something doesn't mean we should have it.

To start off let me show you my take on a few things and from there you think about it, it may come off harsh and hurtful but hey that's what the TRUTH feels like! My overall goal is to make you see and look inside before you deflect that energy on any and everyone around you. I stay focused on women because being a woman I know what I've done(mistakes by the boat loads) and I don't want any woman or young girl to go through the unnecessary if they just take the time to embrace what I'm saying. Although many of you won't listen because you're looking like "who the hell does she think she is?"

I'll tell you who I am, I'm a woman many people can learn from. My life can be a handbook for you to live by. I'm NOT saying its the end all to your problems or issues but TRUST it will help.

First off do you know what a good man is? Many of us do not depending on your age and experiences in life because for a long time I didn't. I always knew they existed but I also knew every woman didn't deserve "him". We often see the "gold diggers/hoes/sidepieces/etc" getting the "good man" but what we miss is that just because they have a lifestyle we don't or appear to be enjoying everything they are missing out on a hell of a lot. Some "women" are not good women so they don't deserve the "good man". There are some women who have slept with a LARGE number of men, sold their pussy for whatever they felt it was worth and then one day decide I'm tired of living like this. Then then dress up and go to church every Sunday looking for "the good man", coming across as something they NEVER were or will EVER be. You also have some women who think if they get this "good man" it will make them better, for the record IT WON'T!
You also have the woman who is from the "hood" who in many settings come off to the "good man" as being the woman he is looking for but her upbringing and environment have kept her isolated from his world. She can only go but so far with him.
There is also the woman who NEVER learns from her relationship history and seeks out a "good man" not realizing she is the issue not the men she's dated.
Now you're 30 or 40+ wondering why you're single/not married, well I'll give you a hint, IT'S YOU!
It has nothing to do with the lack of good men for the most part. If you take a survey of your life ask yourself first: What is a good man? Would a know a good man if I came across him? What do I have to offer a god man aside from sex? Who am I in a relationship? Am I willing to be dedicated to one man through the good and the bad?
If you can truly answer these questions you are off to a good start.

I'm also speaking from experience, which I usually do, I haven't been the best pick of character for many of the men I have dated thus it hindered me from finding the good man.

Also know that every woman isn't meant to be married/is wife material/girlfriend material and every man isn't meant to be a husband/boyfriend. I got that lesson from a very dear friend who is a man! Some of us have the lives we have to be a lesson to someone else, sometimes its a lesson to show what one should do and sometimes its a lesson to show others what NOT TO DO!

In the end many women DON'T DESERVE A GOOD MAN just like many men DON'T DESERVE A
GOOD WOMAN. The hard part is figuring out who you are and who you deserve.


There are some men out there who have the mentality women are put here to make their lives easier especially the men who don't have a damn thing to offer. No job, no money, living at home with their mama, a jail record, no education, etc... These men are opportunist they scope out the women who can do for them and give them just enough for her to keep taking care of him. Ladies many of us have come across this type. We see the "potential" they have and give them the world meanwhile they are just hanging around until we get tired of them. Many of us waste years with these types thinking things will change, IT WON'T, RUN NOW if you have this type in your life!


Many of us have FAILED is this department BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of us saw signs but thought LOVE(LMBO) was going to make a difference. If we paid attention many of us would've NEVER had kids with who we did.

Don't think for one second if he has a child already depending on the sex of that child if you have the opposite sex of what he has that he will be a better father to yours than he is to the previous child.

Don't think because he didn't grow up with a father that he will be a great one.

Don't think you can change him or keep him if you have a child with him.

Don't think him having a child will help him grow up.

WAKE UP LADIES we are partially if not all of the reason most of our children don't have their father in their life and that we are single parents. YES US!!! Look back at your situation and TRUST you will see signs that were screaming out at you NOT to have kids with this man but you ignored them and went on ahead thinking you knew it all and things would be different. Then when things don't pan out how you want them to you're mad at him and all he did was show you who he was but you ignored it all. TRUST me I've done it! Now you're taking him to child support court, causing all types of drama in his life because your dumb ass made a bad choice. TRUST me he's sleeping wonderful at night while your all pissed not taking responsibility for your part in how your life is now. STOP IT, forget about him and focus ON dealing with the consequences of your actions. YOU can't make a man be a father if its NOT in him to begin with!


Ladies STOP THE BS!!!!! Stop competing against one another because its a waste of time. All the time you're devoting to competing against this one and that one you're taking away from making yourself great! Stop competing with women for men. A man may look at you for something he may look at a woman similar to you for very different reasons. Men are complex in that way! If you appear to be easy vs a woman he has to work at to get, depending on where he's at in life he will go for the easier one just because. It doesn't mean you are anything less of another woman he just doesn't want to go through the leaps and bounds to get what you have to offer. Stop defining yourself by men because some men will use that against you thus you're being catty with other women for no damn reason. It's a damn shame more of us can't be friends without the she say she say and the don't look at my man that way attitude, etc... I don't compete with any woman in this world first of all because I know who I am and if a man doesn't want what I have to offer then he clearly is not the one I should be walking through fire to get. SIMPLE AS THAT!

Remember a man is only going to do what you allow him to do. Tap into the power you have. Get your mental in order, get your self-esteem on high and move forward!


If you showed him all of you and gave all of yourself before marriage, yes I'm including sexually DON"T think for a minute that should stop because he put a ring on it! Far too many of you have these great husbands and don't do a damn thing to keep them. TRUST what you WON'T do or you feel that you're comfortable and he's NOT going anywhere think again because in time he will wise up and LEAVE YOU OR CHEAT. What you won't do someone will do and often times do it BETTER! To maintain your marriage you have to do everything on 1000. The key is giving your husband everything he needs and wants so he doesn't look for it elsewhere. Granted its all about knowing his wants and needs and not looking at him as a typical man. If you gave him sex everyday before marriage granted after marriage when kids are added and a work schedule can be more complex give it to him every other day, compromise. If you gave him head before marriage don't think you're going to stop afterwards. If you cooked for him before marriage DO NOT let that man come home to take out or TV dinners so often that he forgot you knew how to cook. If you worked before don't think you're going to sit around and do nothing afterwards. He married you with the intent you would be the same after marriage not a person he would've never married in the 1st place.


I've heard many stories of men who marry women for all the wrong reasons: she was pregnant, we've been together for a long time, she's done things no other woman has, etc... then after marriage she becomes who she really is(LOL @ the stories I've heard). So many of you are tricked by women into marriage and by the time you realize it its too late, you're so deep in the game its more of a hassle to get out of then how easily she got you into it. Many stories I've heard are men who marry women who they don't have enough of a connection they never would've gotten married in the 1st place. If you're a man of God who takes religion seriously marry someone in your faith who takes it just as serious. Allow her to show you her devotion to her faith and test her because anyone can quote scriptures, go to church and all the church functions but HAVE NO CLUE what's going on and can not interpret any of those scriptures. Remember the devil can take on any shape and form. If you are a man who loves sports don't connect with a woman who doesn't because when you're watching the game she wants to spend quality time with you. When you want to hang with the fellas and go to games/sports bars she's going to give you a hard time. If you're a man who is very physical/open in the bedroom don't marry someone who's the complete opposite, IT WON'T work, it will create all types of tension. If you're a man who likes quality, knows how to manage money and values future goals financially don't marry someone who is materialistic, follows trends and wants what ever is out and has no long term goals financially, you're going to battle over buying a stick of butter! If you're a man who loves a home cooked meal don't marry a woman who only knows how to make reservations or thinks a home cooked meal is hot dogs and french fries or cooking in the microwave means she can cook.

Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what your not. In the end you'll find the right match for you.

Most if not all I wrote can go for men and women, largely its just my insight on reality and what we all can learn from it if we're just real with ourselves. LYING will get you nowhere but at the start line time and time again!


  1. Peace, Thanks for covering the story from both perspectives succinctly and accurately. I love it. @consciousskillz

  2. Thanks 4 stopping by and reading it! I appreciate the comments! U inspire & motivate me to do what I love & that's put my soul on paper!

  3. WOW! You pretty much covered everything when it comes to an individual in a relationship. Love it!

  4. Hey! It's refreshing to see this from a woman's perspective. Sometimes it's hard reading those same things from a male's point of view. As a woman, it pricks me at times. However, I can say that it is warranted on some accounts. I've been there before. For all of the reasons you wrote about...I'm no longer there. Thanks


  5. Truer words have not been spoken sis. I myself have been married for 20 years this coming August but I've often said to myself that I would be a lonely ass before I accepted some of the situations I see single people accepting as "normal". I often tell females to know their worth. Men should do the same. I know what I'm capable of doing/having on my own but if we are truly compatible (and I don't mean what I want us to be but the reality of what we are) then we can enrich both of our lives together. If that other person does not value you, I don't care how much you love them, it is a recipe for disaster. People still think love in and of itself is enough but this is real life so it is just a starting point, not the end-all, cure-all of fantasy.

  6. Great thoughts.. The strongest essence of what I pulled from this is that one attracts, in All aspects of their lives, who, what, and where they are in it. I am not intimately Aware of what a Good wo/man would be - such is a question I will ponder, as it suggests a definition that I may lack - but I think anyone who is "Good"/True to themselves will have that goodness/Truth reflected through their lives, be it in their counterpart or the all of their days.
    To speak and otherwise Live Truthfully from where you Are will always be reflected in your life..
    Peace to you and thank you for this Moment ~ @coreman2200

  7. Bigups for updating your blog and blessing us with this much needed thoughtful post. If I may make one quote that might summarize what you were saying "lean not on your own understanding" and genuinely ask the Creator who it is that He wants for you. Patience isn't a virtue for nothing let it be apart of your foundation