Monday, November 28, 2011


Its 4:30am and I've been laying here for some time, THINKING! The thing I do a lot, it helps me see things that often times in the moment they're happening I miss. What has been at the top of my list over this holiday weekend is creating opportunities for people who don't deserve them. You maybe thinking how does that work, we all do it and most times we don't even realize it, simply because many of us have a good heart. On the flip side we're also selfish in some areas, we think we're doing something for ourselves meanwhile creating an undeserved opportunity for someone else. I'll share with you a few examples of an undeserved opportunity and how one can let it happen. As well as showing you how it can become a pattern that keeps one in a stagnant place.

Example #1: A mother who loves her children, wants to keep the happy. The one person who gives that happiness is the absent parent, the father. So the mother jumps through hoops and over bridges to have the father in their lives. The kids are happy therefore the mother is happy BUT when the mother can't make miracles happen the father has every excuse in the book why he can't make them happen. The mother feels bad for her children, over compensates for what they're missing meanwhile the father walks away like nothing happened. The mother may become bitter and angry or she'll act as if he doesn't exist. Either way she's mad but where should her anger be directed?

Example #2: A woman likes/loves a man, she gives him her all(nooks & crannies included). The man is only around when the woman creates an opportunity for him to be there. If she stopped he stopped. He makes no effort to be apart of her world unless she creates it and makes it available to him. Time passes the woman gets tired, stops all contact. The man walks away content with what he received and never looks back(This can also be reversed for a man giving a woman his all and she gets what she needs and walks away). Meanwhile the woman/man is trying to figure out what they did wrong. Asking questions they're not opening their eyes to see the answers to.

Example #3: A friend is always there for another, when that friend is in need they can't even get a call back. When they needed you to bail them out of a financial jam, you were there. When their mate threw them out, you were there. When they lost a loved one, you were there. When they needed a job, you were there. When their mate cheated, you were there. When they had a bad day at work, you were there. The minute you have an issue, they disappear. You try and tell yourself, they're dealing with a lot so you write off their lack of help. You make excuses for them at every turn. Then you turn around and are their support for whatever. You try and tell yourself you're doing what should be done as a friend. After awhile when you need the simplest thing from them they can't supply it. You blow up! Not because of that one thing they missed but because you've been pissed for a long time and that was the last straw. You're mad and they are with their "other friends" talking about how they don't even know why you're are tripping.

Example #4: Usually consist of the physical nature, we've all had a lonely night where we gave someone an opportunity had the circumstances been different they would've never had. We've all made that phone call/sent that text message because we wanted something from someone for that moment(selfishness on high)! In our minds we say its nothing we just want what we want at that moment and simple say we're going to walk away from it. That other person has other plans! They've remixed it in their brain that something can happen from this. They want to create "situations" with you. Now you're avoiding them like the plague or you blatantly tell them in an angry tone to KICK ROCKS!

In all four scenarios you are the common denominator!

A man who is a father will swim through shark infested water if it meant his child wouldn't go without.

A man/woman who wants to be with someone makes a clear effort and makes their feelings/expectations known.

A friend who appreciates another friend does their best to balance that relationship by showing their appreciation through actions.

That "late night" call/text to someone should mean "Booty Call" BUT you just turned the situation into something you wish you could take back because that person may not and often times isn't thinking like you if they genuinely like you. They're just so happy you hit them up, they now think they have a shot.

In all the scenarios undeserved opportunities were created for the other person or for yourself. You created the situation in one way or another so you can't be mad at the other parties involved. They were being themselves you were just expecting something else of them because of who you are or what you wanted.

I've been in all of these scenarios and it took me a long time to let go of being mad at the friend for not being the friend I was to them or at the man who should want to be a father. It took me a long time to see people for who they truly were as well as accept them for it and move on. I can't expect people to have a good heart as big as my own. I learned many people scout out the good hearted, say what they feel will make them put their guard down and use up all they need them for. The minute they see you've picked up on their "character" they create an exit and disappear. The minute you stop creating situations for them, they move onto the next person, you no longer exist. I had to change some things in my life. I'm not perfect, I've done some wrong but I had to stop opening up myself to people who were the opposite of me, I would continually be disappointed and in turn that would change who I was. I was happy being a giver, that's my nature, I like to do for others. I had to stop dealing with takers. A taker almost took me to the edge I wanted to jump off of, I realized if I jumped I'd be useless to those who needed me. I removed all of the takers from my circle. I'm cautious with people now but I give them a chance to prove themselves. Its not a full proof system because I back away at the slightest sense of a taker-tendencies but I've also learned others feed off of my energy as well so I have to give in a little to see where a situation can go.

I'm NOT telling you to change who you are, I'm telling you to be more aware of the people you do for. Everyone doesn't deserve what you have to offer nor does what you have to offer everyone want. That can be taken many ways depending on the type of person you are. If you have a lot to offer, a person will bleed you dry if you let them, in turn you are no use for anyone else including yourself, that's complete selfishness at its best! Everyone should be given a fair shot, if you're not satisfied don't stop being you just act accordingly toward them. You don't have to be mean to them or get revenge, its not worth it. GOD said love thy enemies. When you know their ways you learn to recognize them faster. Be cordial and don't allow them to make you feel guilty about anything you've done because you did because that's who you are, they just didn't appreciate it. Just realign yourself with like minded people.

There will always be the types of people who pretend to be what they are not but their true colors always show. The key is open your eyes to see them when they present themselves.

I personally am not mad at those who I've given undeserved opportunities to, I created them so I'm mad at myself, my intentions were good for a better outcome but they had other plans. I've learned valuable lessons about people as well as myself through my experiences. I've learned that I can't let people change me but I can change the people around me. Think about it!(Some may try to flip this thinking if they have a certain type of people around them that will change them, a lot of fakes think this, all they're doing is mimicking behavior to fool others. You have to want change and make necessary steps to incorporate that change into your life in order for it to stick) I've also learned I can't continue to create opportunities for those who don't deserve them. Some opportunities like true friendship/relationships have to be earned. Also I can't be weak in my own needs to do something in which I know is not done with good intent/out of selfishness that when I'm done I want to slap myself for. Yall know what I'm talking about, you wake up, look at the person and go what the heck did I just do? You possibly want to throw up! I've also learned people will often times eliminate themselves without even a word from you. When they see you acting accordingly they'll do one of two things, disappear because they can't trick you anymore or they'll test you to see if they can break you, they don't believe what they see. The devil is always busy!

Think about what I've said because many of us are repeat offenders of creating undeserved opportunities. We let a few things get in our way often times its our emotions or some "unspoken rule" we go by. Just think, how many times are you going to let someone throw a rock at you and not move before you realize it hurts? At some point you should either move or protect yourself. Same goes for people, you either move them out of your circle or you protect yourself from them infiltrating your circle. Anyone who tries to keep you stagnant or down will keep you from what's meant for you.

Everyone doesn't deserve a blessing. Everyone is open to receive them but one has to be willing to do what it takes to get it. Nothing from nothing is nothing.

If you miss the message behind this blog, let me give it to you straight-----> Stop creating opportunities for people who otherwise wouldn't be there if you didn't make it easy for them! Give them an opportunity to show they deserve who you are as a person and what comes that. You can't be mad at them for taking if you never allow them the opportunity to give, you just expect that when it happens they will show up. When they don't, you'll get mad, its natural, I did too, BUT when the smoke cleared I realized I created an opportunity they just opened the door. In the moment you stop creating opportunities for those who don't deserve them you'll see who they really are.

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