Friday, August 5, 2011


A pain so deep you don't even know it exist.
You go on about things thinking you've gotten over that HURT until something ignites it. You're frozen because you don't know what to do; confusion, fear and anxiety hit you like a ton of bricks. How do you go about tackling the elephant in the room when you didn't even know it was there?
Everyone has their own way of dealing with extreme HURT. Whether it be covering it up, replacing it with something worse or better or dealing with it to move on properly. Only one can determine what works for them. In the process of whatever one decides there will be some loss; whether it be friendship, some of yourself or love.  
The cause of that HURT no matter where from, effects us all in various ways. We can understand another's pain because we can identify with pain. We casually say 2 one another "I feel your pain", in all honesty we don't since we deal with pain differently. Pain in my opinion is temporary. HURT is more of a lengthy emotion. HURT is layers of emotions depending on the cause. Think about it, when one is effected by it they say "I was HURT by ...................", that's deeper than pain. The reality is we all get HURT in some way, shape form or fashion. How we handle it is a whole other thing.
I never knew HURT until a few years ago. Didn't realize how deeply embedded it was until recently. Once HURT one tends to guard their emotions with all the army's of the world. There are pros and cons of that high level of guarding but that HURT is more powerful sometimes, but you know you never want to feel it again. You'd rather be cautious than deal with HURT! You'd rather be prepared to handle your emotions than deal with HURT!
Now when HURT by someone you gave your heart to, completely & loved them unconditionally, that's a HURT that can break the strongest person. It shatters your trust system and the way you view almost everything in regards to relationships/friendships. Your first thought is, if this person can hurt me no matter what you've come to know about them after the fact, then anyone who cares for you less can do the same thing. Its not fair to them or you but until you feel safe again you tread very lightly with newcomers. Its hard for you to believe a person could be such a liar, deceiver and/or manipulator. How could someone cause you so much HURT if they claim to love/like or be fond of you? How can someone be that cold? You may never get those answers and if you do they still won't make you feel better. You have to work on that HURT for you, not to mend the situation that caused it. That will never be the same.
Now I'm definitely not the one to give advice or suggestions on how to fix it for you, because I'm currently dealing with it. All I can tell you is its like being in a prison of emotions. You're scared to let people in, scared to love and scared of being HURT again. What I can say is work on becoming stronger emotionally. Who you were before being HURT is somewhat gone. You have to work on the new you as well as anyone who deals with you needs to be patient. Its like learning to walk again but possibly slower. You have to learn how to trust again. You have to learn how to determine what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe you missed a lot before with the one who HURT you so now you have to be thoroughly aware of who you let in now. Its a crappy process and sucks for the one who wants to get to know you. They may see it as "oh just get over it", if they only knew that's one wish you wish could be granted like yesterday! Sometimes you don't even control how you react to things. Its like the "unknown" is the flu and your immune system just kicks in to protect you. Your sense of having control becomes a priority. Its an unrealistic way to carry on because you can't control everything but any small sense of control keeps you functional. Slowly on the road to "everything is ok now". HURT is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Time is a huge factor in dealing with HURT, there is no set time to get passed it. Don't let it consume you, allow yourself to move forward at a reasonable pace. The HURT will decline and you'll get to a place where its replaced by love and happiness. Its easy to stay in the HURT. Don't be easy, fight the HURT like it just took your last piece of food or your last dollar!
If there is any comfort you can hold onto its, I truly feel and understand your HURT. I'm in the moment with you. Its okay to admit you're going through, that's the first step to dealing with it.

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