Wednesday, July 25, 2012


For awhile now this has been on my mind and my heart to write, you can say I'm writing this out of aggravation or that I'm venting but either way it needs to be released. Most of all I hope someone gets something from this because I KNOW I'm not the only one who feels this way! Before I even begin I know many I share this with won't read it or look at it and say "dang that's long" BUT that's ok, because the one(s) who need it will read it and find what they need in it.

Sadly it comes with the territory.

I've always been a believer in Jesus Christ, grew up in the church and like many, the world seemed like much more fun. I was into the world extremely deep. I've done a lot and been through "hell and back" a few times. I thought I was all too happy even after hitting a "brick wall" one too many times. I'd just fine something in the world to make me feel better and all would "go away".

Thought I had ALL the answer!

Like most when we get to a certain age parents either loosen/tighten the reigns to allow to/prevent us from the "grow up" stage or things in their own life take the focus off of what they have instilled so deeply into us in our early years. No matter what the situation God becomes less of the focus. Often times it isn't until our adult years we return back to the foundation of whence we came. We notice all that time and energy we spent embedded in the world has gotten us so off track from what's truly important we crave God like no other. Sometimes it takes a traumatic experience or multiple experiences to make you realize what you've been doing just ain't cutting it or you're done fighting against what God has been trying to tell you. Whatever leads you back to God doesn't necessarily matter the meat and potatoes of me writing this is what happens for many once you get back to God.

When you make your decision to either re-commit or commit yourself to your faith its usually NOT something you announce to everyone. Its something that usually just happens and most times you're just as surprised as the next person when you take the first steps in the right direction. Everyone's moment is different. Sometimes it happens at church sometimes it happens in the privacy of your own home.

Once you get on the road to start your journey with God, the immediate doubters/distractions come out in full force like you are doing something wrong. This part of the journey may be the hardest for some because one may question is it really worth it. All types of things go through your mind.

There's so much to deal with, your friends think its a phase, family isn't taking you seriously and even some fellow believers aren't buying your transformation for whatever their reasons, but you are completely sold out to the journey you decided best worked for you.

When I re-committed myself many who were deep in the world with me were like whatever. Some who could relate were happy for me. Some didn't want to hear anything I had to say about how good I felt that I was back with my Father. I felt the negative energy from people who I "assumed" would support me like I did something personally wrong to them. In the beginning I was mad/annoyed but slowly as those who didn't add to my life disappeared I began to understand a lot more. When some people see you overcome they get jealous/envious, they'll try to tear you down by trying to isolate you, talk bad about you or simply disregard any good you do like it means nothing. Deep down inside they are either so in bed with the Devil nothing you do or say will change their heart or they are mad because they are not as strong as you therefore they feel they can't do what you did. It bothered me a lot in the beginning. It made me feel more isolated than when I was in the world doing whatever I felt like doing. Those who I hung with didn't push me to do better they were doing whatever they could to pull me in deeper. The deeper into the world I was they benefited. When I re-committed to God many of them lost their "meal ticket." So I became a target.

I dealt with slander, people trying to challenge my character, bringing up my past making it seem like I was too far gone to change. Even the man I had children with tried to turn people against me. As much as I could've been the old me and went at them all full force, I sat back and waited.

Over time I got over a lot of people real quick. My feelings were no longer hurt but I was disappointed. In the beginning I kept a lot about my walk with God to myself BUT that happiness is hard to contain. In turn God placed some very wonderful people in my life to give me the outlet I needed to walk stronger in my faith and purpose.

I've been called quite a few names mocking my journey and it used to piss me the heck off. It took me some time but now I just go silent(kills the conversation quickly because fools know not what they speak they just like to hear themselves), I pray & talk myself out of cursing them out. Every day is a work in progress.

I would often ask myself and at times others, I'm saved, so why are you mad? Rarely would I get an answer but their actions said a lot. Most of the men who were mad were mad because they couldn't fulfill their fleshy desires, so in turn some felt it was their job to either remix the Bible to have me conform to their ways or try to tell me the reasons they felt they were all I was going to get so I should take this opportunity before someone else gets it *blank stare*. Many of the women were mad because they wanted my happiness but weren't willing to sacrifice the nonsense in their lives to get it. They'd look at me and see a woman always smiling and positive but wonder "can God really have her that happy?" SURE CAN! I looked for happiness and peace for years in all the wrong places so I know I'm not missing a thing that's in the world.

You know what always gets me through, my "I'm not here to please you" attitude. God has always covered me, through my worst times and my best times so how can I NOT be sold out to Him. How can I NOT share with others what He's done for me. When none of my so called friends was there God was.

You may still wonder why are they mad? Well for one they can't compete with something/someone they don't know about and the fear of the unknown has them beat. Those who bash you for being saved only deal with what is of the earth/what they can see, where as you deal with the spirit. You understand this life is temporary and your goal is to live right so that when Jesus returns or you pass on before you KNOW you're going to be in the Kingdom of heaven with Him.

You would think living right wouldn't be so hard or looked down on BUT there will always be folks mad they can't be you or do what you do. They'd rather spend more time bringing you down, causing you harm, creating drama, telling lies about or to you vs doing exactly what you did to get where you are. Life is not a cake walk! Its as hard or easy as we make it.

Look at it like this Jesus built you strong for a reason, He knew all you'd go through once you chose life with Him and He told you He'd be with you the whole way. Knowing that He'll handle your enemies as long as you stay faithful and obedient is a win win!

God favors you!

If Jesus could sacrifice Himself for you, there shouldn't be anything you would do for Him, so stay focused and encouraged. No matter how many times you fall God is waiting with open arms for your return.

(That isn't an open invitation to be borderline sold out to Jesus, because He knows when you come to Him will a false heart. He will deal with you. TRUST you don't want that!)

Next time someone has something to say ask them, why are you mad that I am saved? *wait for it*, tell them you'll keep them in prayer.

Then walk away.

In conclusion, if this describes you in anyway, being the person on the journey with God, DON'T get discouraged and NEVER let them get to you. There is NOTHING wrong with being sold out to Jesus! You made a choice for you NOT for them!



  1. Very nicely said. I will repost as an encouragement to the followers of

  2. Nice post and a lot of folks should be reading this. And you're right, so many people try to Remix the Bible to get others under their spell. Keep writing!

  3. Very well written and heartfelt in your delivery. I'm sure many will be able to relate.

  4. Love this and proud of you!! Parthenia

  5. Its hard for christian sisters today. So many women are doing things the "wrong" way. So refreshing that you're doing it right.

  6. I don't know why people get mad at people when they are doing something good. Maybe because they don't want people to leave them alone in their messiness.

  7. Hummm.... Very thought provoking! Interesting expression and viewpoint of your experiences!

    First, I want to commend you for your commitment to being progressive, focused and enduring! God is GOOD! I can't say, however, that I can relate (directly) with the things you experienced, although I do acknowledge they happen far to often.

    The "War of The Worlds" (the world of sin & the world of righteousness) has been at odds from the beginning! EVERY sold-out believer faces some form of opposition regarding the sincerity of their faith, and some quite frankly allow themselves to be defeated (which in my view is their "choice" NOT their fate).

    This notwithstanding, it takes INTENTIONAL commitment to move forward in life, making positive choices that enhances our relationship with The Lord and pleases Him with respect to His Purpose for us!

    My dear Sister, YOU ARE A WINNER! You are an established citizen of God's Kingdom, which automatically qualifies you to the RIGHTS & AUTHORITY of The Kingdom! Plainly put: You can't lose! Its IMPOSSIBLE to lose as a Kingdom Citizen! We will ALWAYS WIN!

    I'm proud to have met you and know that you too are a Partaker of God's Divine Nature, have escaped the curruption that is in the world through lust (2nd Peter 1:4). Keep living LARGE my sister... and most of all, KEEP WINNING!

    God Bless You!

  8. I know that people are quick to make others feel that because they made a positive move for themselves they may look down on others, which isn't even the case. Continue to walk in your truth and lead by example, much love.