Saturday, October 22, 2011


This has been on my mind for a little while now, maybe this past year. I’ve replayed it in my mind multiple times. I’ve gotten tons of opinions on it and at the end of the day NO ONE KNOWS what they would do if this happened to them. Some of you know my car accident story some of you don’t BUT only a select few know what happened before and after. There is no time like now to get it off my chest because most days I can still laugh about it while also seeing the multitude f messages in it. Coming up on the year anniversary October 30th, I felt it fitting to share; maybe you can see why I can still laugh about it.

I’m not normally the type to share my personal life but in this last year I’ve seen how beneficial it is for me as well as others.

It all started on Twitter when someone who was following me made a comment about something I tweeted about wanting Popeye’s Chicken, LMBO @ the memories as I type this. Being sort of new to the whole social networking scene and people connecting on and off of the web, I was always skeptical BUT this person became a person of interest. We connected off of Twitter, realized we were in close proximity to one another and planned to meet. For 30 straight days we “kicked” it via phone conversations and BBM. The chemistry was crazy! We set a date to meet and we were both excited about it. I chose to drive to him because it was easier and I had all the precautions in my mind if the in-person meet was a bust, it would be easier for me to leave than to kick him out if he came to me. Long story short, I arrived, and BOOM that chemistry was on 1000. We had a great time. He was a gentleman. I stayed for a day. It was time for me to go and I was super excited because my mind was already on when I was coming back. Plus I was leaving early enough that I still would have the whole day with my kids when I got home. Well God had other plans in mind for me that day because I didn’t make it home as early as I wanted to. I totaled my car and landed in a ditch, flipped 3 times. I called the person I just left; he was in a training class at work so it took a few calls before he answered. He was not my 1st call. I didn’t expect him to come to my aide; I didn’t expect anything from him. I just simple wanted him to know what happened and that I was ok.

Now in telling a few people afterward there were many opinions such as: he should’ve left his class to come to your aide, why did you drive to him in the 1st place, if he was a man he wouldn’t have let you drive that distance, bah, blah, blah BUT NONE of that mattered because I saw the bigger picture. I believe all things happen for a reason and no matter what I did that day something was going to happen to me, my “wake up” call. That’s just how God works. At that time I was focused on things that I shouldn’t have been. I was so adamant about being in a relationship, which was my main focus. I wasn’t thinking about things I needed to do on a personal level that would fill the void. I was trying to fill the void with a person. A mistake many women make when going through certain stages in life. I was 2+ years into being single and tired of it. Used to being in relationships I thought that would make me happy again. In a way I was settling. Not to take away from the guy because there wasn’t anything wrong with him BUT ironically he was in the same space I was in mentally. Recently divorced he was looking for a relationship as well but didn’t realize he needed to work on himself emotionally just as I needed to. *Every time I start a blog it goes in another direction, LOL*

Now after my car accident I was in pain for weeks, even had to do physical therapy and he constantly checked on me via phone/BBM. I even tried to go see him again but things never panned out. He became distant after awhile and I wend through a slew of emotions because I felt abandoned my many, friends and family included. I still didn’t expect anything from him but I was angry at him. Why, he was the one closest to me at the time. It was like anything we felt before my accident just disappeared afterward. I never looked at it from his point of view. I was going through too much emotionally/physically to care.

Months later he and I had a conversation and he broke down how he felt. He didn’t know how to respond to what had happened. He felt guilty, he felt like he was to blame. Second guessing himself and what he thought was a promising situation turned ugly in 24 hours. He didn’t want me to come visit him again because he thought he was protecting me in some way by me not traveling the distance. Once I heard him out I was no longer angry and understood. I began to think had I not survived that accident and him getting the news all of the emotions he could have gone through. I put myself in his shoes. In that moment I realized men truly do react differently to traumatic situations. If I was him as a woman I would’ve been nurturing but as a woman it’s in our nature to do so. Men often hold in their emotional and act as if nothing happen so they can cope. Granted maybe he could’ve done something different but looking back he did the best he knew how to do considering. How would you react if a person you met for the 1st time gets into a near fatal accident after they leave you? Simple answer, you don’t know until it happens to you.

I am still in contact with this person. We just were talking yesterday and he wanted to know if I hated him. I don’t, never did. We laugh about it now saying, maybe we weren’t meant to go out again. We talk about the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s and still have great chemistry. He understands I see the bigger picture and he was just a small part of it. That day changed me. Fast forward, a year later, I’m in a happy place, knowing my purpose and I’m not looking to fill any voids.

Who knows what will happen between us if anything but I call him friend and he calls me the same.

Its funny what twist life throws at you and how you deal with them makes all of the difference.

Would I do anything differently? NO

Why? Simple answer for that because through that experience I slowly began to put my life together and I knew in that moment God was sending me a warning. My only concern was getting home to my children and not missing God’s complete message for me.

Everyday I’m blessed to wake up.

I learned a lot about my relationship style/myself, why I attract the men I do, why I choose the one to spend time with, how I handle “expectations” of others, who I called “friend”, what I had to change about myself and who and what I had to let go. I was completely humbled by that experience; I was broken down to be restored but clearly NOT broken. I survived it all. I don’t know what one will get from this story but I’m happy I got it off my chest.

Minor yet major tip for all: Often times we miss the pebbles being thrown at us, its not until that boulder gets thrown that we pay attention. The pebbles don’t hurt and/or we have a high tolerance for pain. Don’t dismiss the pebbles because that boulder may be the end all. You may not get another chance.

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