Monday, October 24, 2011

They Say You've Changed

As I sit here consumed with various thoughts, change has been on my mind a lot lately. When one starts to find themselves, change happens. One day you wake up and think "something has to give". Often times whom you work toward being is the person who's already been inside of you, you've just been too afraid to let them exist and be seen. Now some folks are too busy covering up who they are with who they want others to see them as; impostors. They operate on another level of change. With change comes truth: good, bad, ugly and sometimes hideous. The success or failure of this journey is how you handle that truth.

When you start on this journey know that you will lose and gain along the way. You can't prepare yourself for it because you don't know what or who will fall into either category. Take it in, evaluate it and let it go. Not everyone is going to see your mission as a plus especially if they're gaining off of who you "were" in anyway. Some folks will like to keep you stagnant if it’s getting them ahead.

I will fill you in ahead of time this journey won’t be easy! You’ll have highs, lows and days you want to give up BUT if you’re focused on the end result what happens in between won’t be an issue.

Whatever your reason to start this journey is yours and yours alone, it’s not for anyone to understand or for them to like.

Personally speaking from my own experience I knew I wasn’t happy with where I was and with many people who I had in my life so I had to make a change. I started slow just letting people eliminate themselves or just distancing myself from them. That only worked for so long. I ignored many things until I was forced to get things on track, it became an issue of sustaining my mental stability over all else. One’s sanity is precious and priceless. I had to stop beating myself up for others shortcomings when it came to what they meant to me and who they were to me. That day I realized I’d had some folks around way too long; dead weight. They weren’t moving and I was trying to but keeping them apart of my life was keeping me in a particular place: stagnant, loyalty misplaced. Tyrese said it best “Loyalty has an expiration date”. When I heard him say that I was like BOOM, that's the truth! I was more focused on being a great friend and person to others I didn't focus on them treating our friendship like a one way street.

Those types that always call on you when they need something BUT the minute you need or have an issue, they switch subjects like Nicki Minaj switches voices. They become so dependent on you that they don't know how to be independent when it comes to offering themselves to you, as a true friend. The type who takes advantage of who you are until you realize, damn I don't need this person in my life. I used to be mad at those people but looking back I should've been more mad at myself for letting it go on so long. It wasn't until I moved to another state that I started to see what was really going on with folks. That old saying "out of sight out of mind" rang LOUD in my ear.

Folks will say you've changed when you start the process of "I want better for my life/I need to revise some areas", when they say that, agree and say "you haven't changed a bit". Some will get it and think twice others will get an ego boost, that statement will have gone WAY over their heads!

You'll test your strength level during this time as well. The most beneficial element of this time is learning who you are and what you need. You start to see having one or two great friends is far better than the 30 "friends" you had before.

Embrace change, better you embrace or be forced to do so. Which would you prefer?

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