HATE

I hate what you’ve done to me

You’ve made it so I constantly live in misery

Sometimes I suppress what happened that night

How easily you took from me because I was too terrified to fight

You had my life in your hands and almost made the decision to end it

I watched you go from loving to deranged in a second

You hurt me mentally and physically just to prove a point

How was I supposed to know the person you previously showed me was a front?

I hate what you did to my mind

You took so much from me that I blocked it out for a long time

My subconscious protected me

For I was not ready to deal

For months the nightmares I was having didn’t seem real

I would toss and turn all night

I would withdraw from society because I didn’t know how to feel

I hate what you did to my heart

You made me not trust or feel safe around anyone

It’s a struggling process, that didn’t have a good start

I push people away when I know they are good for me

I thought the same about you

Good for me, HA!

Your love wasn’t love; you destroyed me because of hate

You say I lied to you constantly

How can I lie to someone who was a lie to me?

You made it seem like I led you on

Although you were determined to prove you were right and I was wrong

That made you feel good that you could justify your actions

By saying I implied we were something

WE WERE NOT!

I know you remember what you did to me it’s not something you forgot

I hate you for not putting me out of my misery

But of course you didn’t do that because you wanted me to suffer

Since it’s embedded in my memory

I hate what you did to my body

You took something that if you loved properly could be given so freely

The scars you left me with were not only physical

They are still with me today

Sometimes I block them out praying they’ll go away

I’ve tried taking them head on to prove to myself that I’m ok

But I still have a long long way to go

It took many years to talk about it let alone write it down for others to see

But it’s a healing process I set up for me

I’ve still never actually said the words out loud to anyone else

I’m still trying to say the words to myself

I know the extremes you’ve been to when you felt someone was a threat to you

You destroy them and watch them crumble to pieces from what you put them through

I WILL SURVIVE this to move on with my life

I need someone to love me more than I love myself

Sometimes I can’t take it anymore and feel if I wasn’t here this wouldn’t haunt me

That’s not hard to tell

But all that would happen is I’d meet you in the afterlife and we’d both suffer together in hell

SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™

LMJ ©2003