Thursday, April 1, 2010


Just to let you know I'm always writing about relationships simply because I'm still learning, so I post my woes/scenarios to gain insight from all my friends and readers.
I'm single but have finally dealt with the ending of a long-term relationship, its was hard but I'm at a stage where I've moved. I've recently erased the last part of that relationship by altering a tattoo I had that represented that bond. The inspiration behind that jesture came as a nice surprise to me. In the process of "getting over and moving on" I noticed some things, RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS! It takes a lot to step back and notice these things. I have been single for almost 2 yrs and counting. In this time I have vowed to figure out ME before I can put myself on someone else. I've learned a great deal about myself, for one "I'm such a guy", LOL. What I mean by that is I think much like a man. I understand much of the male thought process and why they do certain things. In turn I know how to move in a relationship shall I venture down that road again. (Will explain more in future blog) I also learned that being "Ms. Independent" is great but a turn off when your constantly reminding your partner you don't "need" them. It's cool to allow a man to be "King" as it is cool to be his "Queen" and follow his lead.

I wanted to find out why I kept failing at this aspect of life. Granted I don't regret any of my relationships for they have shaped me as a person but you never give up wanted that ultimate satisfying love with someone. I'm a Leo and we love attention and admiration but when we love we love HARD!
So in my process of evaluating my relationship patterns I went to my upbringing and the relationships I grew up around: My parents were not a good example either LOL. They were never married and marriage wasn't a big thing in my family. I can't say I know anyone that has been married for 20+ years happily hell for that matter 2+ years, LMAO. Marriage isn't for everyone but as a child/young adult that's what you see as being "a solid relationship". Once your older an experience life you realize "solid relationships" are as mixed/complex as the people that make up this world. Growing up you know you'd I will never be like my parents well wake up because you are in some way shape or form you are them part deux! I am a reflection of what I grew up around thinking it was normal because no one told me different. I used to say well my Dad does "this/that" so its ok if my mate does, not realizing some of those things weren't good. I'd watch how aggressive my Mom was with my Stepdad and think she was in control, not realizing he didn't fight back because he was picking his battles wisely.  I got a lot of DON'T DO advice but never any if you lead and represent yourself this way you will attract this type of person.

I was also was influenced by my peers growing up, as well as going through the stages of puppy love, being in love, loving and heartache. These things have shaped who I am as an adult in relationships. I have come to realize I am as broken as a scratched CD. In some cases it stalls me from moving forward, but I have CD cleaner to keep me open to the good things life brings my way.

I have dated males that I felt needed love(I know all men do but you know what I mean), in a sense the "underdog". The one who no one thought was worthy of what I had to offer. You know the one your friends say "why are you with him, what do you see in him, him really?". Thinking that if I gave them all the love I had that we would have a lasting love or simply I wanted to be a life line for them, thinking if I give my all they would love me "unconditionally", but I realize now that 2 broken people can't heal each other. Your self interpretaion has a great deal to do with who you date.

I've had relationships that lasted for years but it was more being comfortable with someone or content that these relationships continued, knowing they were not going to be long-term, just in the moment and taking it for what it is.

Then I was once engaged which I royally FUCKED UP, till this day it bothers me because I did wrong. But once again I was broken and until you fix something it will always casuse damage.

I then entered a relationship with a friend whom I've known for years and always kept dear to my heart to once again mess things up because I was broken. In this particular case we both were broken and the situation as to how we got together is a story of its own. But I loved this person dearly because I thought I knew his heart but he had some relationship patterns of his own. We thought we were the answer to one anothers history of failed relationships. When honestly we were just holding each other over. We both made mistakes that lead to more mistakes that hurt us both.

Now don't get me wrong I've had great times amongst these experiences but the end results made me want to check myself. If you can't check yourself you will never be able to open up to anyone else's critique of who you are. I don't mean others approval but often times others see what you don't.
From the ending of this last relationship I vowed to not go down this path and explore me and what I really want so that I don't repeat this again. I am being as honest with myself as God is with his love for me. Saying all that to say this: Do you think relationship patterns can be changed? If so why? If not why?


  1. This piece is most important because you're able to look at yourself and accept your mistakes..on that note..relationship patterns can definitely be changed....but it's a lot of work and first and foremost you have to be willing to make the change. A little intervention may be necessary...prayer is always helpful..and seeking therapy to help you in your goals to change certain patterns is great and once you change those start to attract a different kind of person and become more open to letting someone in....I HAVE LEARNED THIS FIRST HAND