Its 4:30am and I've been laying here for some time, THINKING! The thing I do a lot, it helps me see things that often times in the moment they're happening I miss. What has been at the top of my list over this holiday weekend is creating opportunities for people who don't deserve them. You maybe thinking how does that work, we all do it and most times we don't even realize it, simply because many of us have a good heart. On the flip side we're also selfish in some areas, we think we're doing something for ourselves meanwhile creating an undeserved opportunity for someone else. I'll share with you a few examples of an undeserved opportunity and how one can let it happen. As well as showing you how it can become a pattern that keeps one in a stagnant place.
Example #1: A mother who loves her children, wants to keep the happy. The one person who gives that happiness is the absent parent, the father. So the mother jumps through hoops and over bridges to have the father in their lives. The kids are happy therefore the mother is happy BUT when the mother can't make miracles happen the father has every excuse in the book why he can't make them happen. The mother feels bad for her children, over compensates for what they're missing meanwhile the father walks away like nothing happened. The mother may become bitter and angry or she'll act as if he doesn't exist. Either way she's mad but where should her anger be directed?
Example #2: A woman likes/loves a man, she gives him her all(nooks & crannies included). The man is only around when the woman creates an opportunity for him to be there. If she stopped he stopped. He makes no effort to be apart of her world unless she creates it and makes it available to him. Time passes the woman gets tired, stops all contact. The man walks away content with what he received and never looks back(This can also be reversed for a man giving a woman his all and she gets what she needs and walks away). Meanwhile the woman/man is trying to figure out what they did wrong. Asking questions they're not opening their eyes to see the answers to.
Example #3: A friend is always there for another, when that friend is in need they can't even get a call back. When they needed you to bail them out of a financial jam, you were there. When their mate threw them out, you were there. When they lost a loved one, you were there. When they needed a job, you were there. When their mate cheated, you were there. When they had a bad day at work, you were there. The minute you have an issue, they disappear. You try and tell yourself, they're dealing with a lot so you write off their lack of help. You make excuses for them at every turn. Then you turn around and are their support for whatever. You try and tell yourself you're doing what should be done as a friend. After awhile when you need the simplest thing from them they can't supply it. You blow up! Not because of that one thing they missed but because you've been pissed for a long time and that was the last straw. You're mad and they are with their "other friends" talking about how they don't even know why you're are tripping.
Example #4: Usually consist of the physical nature, we've all had a lonely night where we gave someone an opportunity had the circumstances been different they would've never had. We've all made that phone call/sent that text message because we wanted something from someone for that moment(selfishness on high)! In our minds we say its nothing we just want what we want at that moment and simple say we're going to walk away from it. That other person has other plans! They've remixed it in their brain that something can happen from this. They want to create "situations" with you. Now you're avoiding them like the plague or you blatantly tell them in an angry tone to KICK ROCKS!
In all four scenarios you are the common denominator!
In REALITY:
A man who is a father will swim through shark infested water if it meant his child wouldn't go without.
A man/woman who wants to be with someone makes a clear effort and makes their feelings/expectations known.
A friend who appreciates another friend does their best to balance that relationship by showing their appreciation through actions.
That "late night" call/text to someone should mean "Booty Call" BUT you just turned the situation into something you wish you could take back because that person may not and often times isn't thinking like you if they genuinely like you. They're just so happy you hit them up, they now think they have a shot.
In all the scenarios undeserved opportunities were created for the other person or for yourself. You created the situation in one way or another so you can't be mad at the other parties involved. They were being themselves you were just expecting something else of them because of who you are or what you wanted.
I've been in all of these scenarios and it took me a long time to let go of being mad at the friend for not being the friend I was to them or at the man who should want to be a father. It took me a long time to see people for who they truly were as well as accept them for it and move on. I can't expect people to have a good heart as big as my own. I learned many people scout out the good hearted, say what they feel will make them put their guard down and use up all they need them for. The minute they see you've picked up on their "character" they create an exit and disappear. The minute you stop creating situations for them, they move onto the next person, you no longer exist. I had to change some things in my life. I'm not perfect, I've done some wrong but I had to stop opening up myself to people who were the opposite of me, I would continually be disappointed and in turn that would change who I was. I was happy being a giver, that's my nature, I like to do for others. I had to stop dealing with takers. A taker almost took me to the edge I wanted to jump off of, I realized if I jumped I'd be useless to those who needed me. I removed all of the takers from my circle. I'm cautious with people now but I give them a chance to prove themselves. Its not a full proof system because I back away at the slightest sense of a taker-tendencies but I've also learned others feed off of my energy as well so I have to give in a little to see where a situation can go.
I'm NOT telling you to change who you are, I'm telling you to be more aware of the people you do for. Everyone doesn't deserve what you have to offer nor does what you have to offer everyone want. That can be taken many ways depending on the type of person you are. If you have a lot to offer, a person will bleed you dry if you let them, in turn you are no use for anyone else including yourself, that's complete selfishness at its best! Everyone should be given a fair shot, if you're not satisfied don't stop being you just act accordingly toward them. You don't have to be mean to them or get revenge, its not worth it. GOD said love thy enemies. When you know their ways you learn to recognize them faster. Be cordial and don't allow them to make you feel guilty about anything you've done because you did because that's who you are, they just didn't appreciate it. Just realign yourself with like minded people.
There will always be the types of people who pretend to be what they are not but their true colors always show. The key is open your eyes to see them when they present themselves.
I personally am not mad at those who I've given undeserved opportunities to, I created them so I'm mad at myself, my intentions were good for a better outcome but they had other plans. I've learned valuable lessons about people as well as myself through my experiences. I've learned that I can't let people change me but I can change the people around me. Think about it!(Some may try to flip this thinking if they have a certain type of people around them that will change them, a lot of fakes think this, all they're doing is mimicking behavior to fool others. You have to want change and make necessary steps to incorporate that change into your life in order for it to stick) I've also learned I can't continue to create opportunities for those who don't deserve them. Some opportunities like true friendship/relationships have to be earned. Also I can't be weak in my own needs to do something in which I know is not done with good intent/out of selfishness that when I'm done I want to slap myself for. Yall know what I'm talking about, you wake up, look at the person and go what the heck did I just do? You possibly want to throw up! I've also learned people will often times eliminate themselves without even a word from you. When they see you acting accordingly they'll do one of two things, disappear because they can't trick you anymore or they'll test you to see if they can break you, they don't believe what they see. The devil is always busy!
Think about what I've said because many of us are repeat offenders of creating undeserved opportunities. We let a few things get in our way often times its our emotions or some "unspoken rule" we go by. Just think, how many times are you going to let someone throw a rock at you and not move before you realize it hurts? At some point you should either move or protect yourself. Same goes for people, you either move them out of your circle or you protect yourself from them infiltrating your circle. Anyone who tries to keep you stagnant or down will keep you from what's meant for you.
Everyone doesn't deserve a blessing. Everyone is open to receive them but one has to be willing to do what it takes to get it. Nothing from nothing is nothing.
If you miss the message behind this blog, let me give it to you straight-----> Stop creating opportunities for people who otherwise wouldn't be there if you didn't make it easy for them! Give them an opportunity to show they deserve who you are as a person and what comes that. You can't be mad at them for taking if you never allow them the opportunity to give, you just expect that when it happens they will show up. When they don't, you'll get mad, its natural, I did too, BUT when the smoke cleared I realized I created an opportunity they just opened the door. In the moment you stop creating opportunities for those who don't deserve them you'll see who they really are.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
EASY
Easy is the path many prefer to journey on
Scared to put in true effort
Constantly wanting instant gratification
They curse the process if it takes too long
Impatient
What's missed along this journey IS life doesn't always afford you access to Easy Street
Often times you have to cross Hard Lane, Reside on Heartbreak Road and or bottom out on Can I Live Drive!
Trials and Tribulations
Sounds painful and full of defeat
I'm sure
But you'd never truly appreciate the perks of what you received if it was so EASY to obtain
Not all is worth having
Loss is a part of every gain
Learning
You know what they "Easy come easy go"
As easy as it was received
Is as easy as it can leave
Loss
Put in the work
Endure the process
Lay the foundation
Secure your place
Build on it
Putting your best forward to ensure longevity
Reinvest every so often
Make adjustments when needed
Maintenance
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©11/19/11
Scared to put in true effort
Constantly wanting instant gratification
They curse the process if it takes too long
Impatient
What's missed along this journey IS life doesn't always afford you access to Easy Street
Often times you have to cross Hard Lane, Reside on Heartbreak Road and or bottom out on Can I Live Drive!
Trials and Tribulations
Sounds painful and full of defeat
I'm sure
But you'd never truly appreciate the perks of what you received if it was so EASY to obtain
Not all is worth having
Loss is a part of every gain
Learning
You know what they "Easy come easy go"
As easy as it was received
Is as easy as it can leave
Loss
Put in the work
Endure the process
Lay the foundation
Secure your place
Build on it
Putting your best forward to ensure longevity
Reinvest every so often
Make adjustments when needed
Maintenance
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©11/19/11
Monday, October 24, 2011
They Say You've Changed
As I sit here consumed with various thoughts, change has been on my mind a lot lately. When one starts to find themselves, change happens. One day you wake up and think "something has to give". Often times whom you work toward being is the person who's already been inside of you, you've just been too afraid to let them exist and be seen. Now some folks are too busy covering up who they are with who they want others to see them as; impostors. They operate on another level of change. With change comes truth: good, bad, ugly and sometimes hideous. The success or failure of this journey is how you handle that truth.
When you start on this journey know that you will lose and gain along the way. You can't prepare yourself for it because you don't know what or who will fall into either category. Take it in, evaluate it and let it go. Not everyone is going to see your mission as a plus especially if they're gaining off of who you "were" in anyway. Some folks will like to keep you stagnant if it’s getting them ahead.
I will fill you in ahead of time this journey won’t be easy! You’ll have highs, lows and days you want to give up BUT if you’re focused on the end result what happens in between won’t be an issue.
Whatever your reason to start this journey is yours and yours alone, it’s not for anyone to understand or for them to like.
Personally speaking from my own experience I knew I wasn’t happy with where I was and with many people who I had in my life so I had to make a change. I started slow just letting people eliminate themselves or just distancing myself from them. That only worked for so long. I ignored many things until I was forced to get things on track, it became an issue of sustaining my mental stability over all else. One’s sanity is precious and priceless. I had to stop beating myself up for others shortcomings when it came to what they meant to me and who they were to me. That day I realized I’d had some folks around way too long; dead weight. They weren’t moving and I was trying to but keeping them apart of my life was keeping me in a particular place: stagnant, loyalty misplaced. Tyrese said it best “Loyalty has an expiration date”. When I heard him say that I was like BOOM, that's the truth! I was more focused on being a great friend and person to others I didn't focus on them treating our friendship like a one way street.
Those types that always call on you when they need something BUT the minute you need or have an issue, they switch subjects like Nicki Minaj switches voices. They become so dependent on you that they don't know how to be independent when it comes to offering themselves to you, as a true friend. The type who takes advantage of who you are until you realize, damn I don't need this person in my life. I used to be mad at those people but looking back I should've been more mad at myself for letting it go on so long. It wasn't until I moved to another state that I started to see what was really going on with folks. That old saying "out of sight out of mind" rang LOUD in my ear.
Folks will say you've changed when you start the process of "I want better for my life/I need to revise some areas", when they say that, agree and say "you haven't changed a bit". Some will get it and think twice others will get an ego boost, that statement will have gone WAY over their heads!
You'll test your strength level during this time as well. The most beneficial element of this time is learning who you are and what you need. You start to see having one or two great friends is far better than the 30 "friends" you had before.
Embrace change, better you embrace or be forced to do so. Which would you prefer?
When you start on this journey know that you will lose and gain along the way. You can't prepare yourself for it because you don't know what or who will fall into either category. Take it in, evaluate it and let it go. Not everyone is going to see your mission as a plus especially if they're gaining off of who you "were" in anyway. Some folks will like to keep you stagnant if it’s getting them ahead.
I will fill you in ahead of time this journey won’t be easy! You’ll have highs, lows and days you want to give up BUT if you’re focused on the end result what happens in between won’t be an issue.
Whatever your reason to start this journey is yours and yours alone, it’s not for anyone to understand or for them to like.
Personally speaking from my own experience I knew I wasn’t happy with where I was and with many people who I had in my life so I had to make a change. I started slow just letting people eliminate themselves or just distancing myself from them. That only worked for so long. I ignored many things until I was forced to get things on track, it became an issue of sustaining my mental stability over all else. One’s sanity is precious and priceless. I had to stop beating myself up for others shortcomings when it came to what they meant to me and who they were to me. That day I realized I’d had some folks around way too long; dead weight. They weren’t moving and I was trying to but keeping them apart of my life was keeping me in a particular place: stagnant, loyalty misplaced. Tyrese said it best “Loyalty has an expiration date”. When I heard him say that I was like BOOM, that's the truth! I was more focused on being a great friend and person to others I didn't focus on them treating our friendship like a one way street.
Those types that always call on you when they need something BUT the minute you need or have an issue, they switch subjects like Nicki Minaj switches voices. They become so dependent on you that they don't know how to be independent when it comes to offering themselves to you, as a true friend. The type who takes advantage of who you are until you realize, damn I don't need this person in my life. I used to be mad at those people but looking back I should've been more mad at myself for letting it go on so long. It wasn't until I moved to another state that I started to see what was really going on with folks. That old saying "out of sight out of mind" rang LOUD in my ear.
Folks will say you've changed when you start the process of "I want better for my life/I need to revise some areas", when they say that, agree and say "you haven't changed a bit". Some will get it and think twice others will get an ego boost, that statement will have gone WAY over their heads!
You'll test your strength level during this time as well. The most beneficial element of this time is learning who you are and what you need. You start to see having one or two great friends is far better than the 30 "friends" you had before.
Embrace change, better you embrace or be forced to do so. Which would you prefer?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
COMPLEX BUT SIMPLE YET UNDERSTANDABLE
This has been on my mind for a little while now, maybe this past year. I’ve replayed it in my mind multiple times. I’ve gotten tons of opinions on it and at the end of the day NO ONE KNOWS what they would do if this happened to them. Some of you know my car accident story some of you don’t BUT only a select few know what happened before and after. There is no time like now to get it off my chest because most days I can still laugh about it while also seeing the multitude f messages in it. Coming up on the year anniversary October 30th, I felt it fitting to share; maybe you can see why I can still laugh about it.
I’m not normally the type to share my personal life but in this last year I’ve seen how beneficial it is for me as well as others.
It all started on Twitter when someone who was following me made a comment about something I tweeted about wanting Popeye’s Chicken, LMBO @ the memories as I type this. Being sort of new to the whole social networking scene and people connecting on and off of the web, I was always skeptical BUT this person became a person of interest. We connected off of Twitter, realized we were in close proximity to one another and planned to meet. For 30 straight days we “kicked” it via phone conversations and BBM. The chemistry was crazy! We set a date to meet and we were both excited about it. I chose to drive to him because it was easier and I had all the precautions in my mind if the in-person meet was a bust, it would be easier for me to leave than to kick him out if he came to me. Long story short, I arrived, and BOOM that chemistry was on 1000. We had a great time. He was a gentleman. I stayed for a day. It was time for me to go and I was super excited because my mind was already on when I was coming back. Plus I was leaving early enough that I still would have the whole day with my kids when I got home. Well God had other plans in mind for me that day because I didn’t make it home as early as I wanted to. I totaled my car and landed in a ditch, flipped 3 times. I called the person I just left; he was in a training class at work so it took a few calls before he answered. He was not my 1st call. I didn’t expect him to come to my aide; I didn’t expect anything from him. I just simple wanted him to know what happened and that I was ok.
Now in telling a few people afterward there were many opinions such as: he should’ve left his class to come to your aide, why did you drive to him in the 1st place, if he was a man he wouldn’t have let you drive that distance, bah, blah, blah BUT NONE of that mattered because I saw the bigger picture. I believe all things happen for a reason and no matter what I did that day something was going to happen to me, my “wake up” call. That’s just how God works. At that time I was focused on things that I shouldn’t have been. I was so adamant about being in a relationship, which was my main focus. I wasn’t thinking about things I needed to do on a personal level that would fill the void. I was trying to fill the void with a person. A mistake many women make when going through certain stages in life. I was 2+ years into being single and tired of it. Used to being in relationships I thought that would make me happy again. In a way I was settling. Not to take away from the guy because there wasn’t anything wrong with him BUT ironically he was in the same space I was in mentally. Recently divorced he was looking for a relationship as well but didn’t realize he needed to work on himself emotionally just as I needed to. *Every time I start a blog it goes in another direction, LOL*
Now after my car accident I was in pain for weeks, even had to do physical therapy and he constantly checked on me via phone/BBM. I even tried to go see him again but things never panned out. He became distant after awhile and I wend through a slew of emotions because I felt abandoned my many, friends and family included. I still didn’t expect anything from him but I was angry at him. Why, he was the one closest to me at the time. It was like anything we felt before my accident just disappeared afterward. I never looked at it from his point of view. I was going through too much emotionally/physically to care.
Months later he and I had a conversation and he broke down how he felt. He didn’t know how to respond to what had happened. He felt guilty, he felt like he was to blame. Second guessing himself and what he thought was a promising situation turned ugly in 24 hours. He didn’t want me to come visit him again because he thought he was protecting me in some way by me not traveling the distance. Once I heard him out I was no longer angry and understood. I began to think had I not survived that accident and him getting the news all of the emotions he could have gone through. I put myself in his shoes. In that moment I realized men truly do react differently to traumatic situations. If I was him as a woman I would’ve been nurturing but as a woman it’s in our nature to do so. Men often hold in their emotional and act as if nothing happen so they can cope. Granted maybe he could’ve done something different but looking back he did the best he knew how to do considering. How would you react if a person you met for the 1st time gets into a near fatal accident after they leave you? Simple answer, you don’t know until it happens to you.
I am still in contact with this person. We just were talking yesterday and he wanted to know if I hated him. I don’t, never did. We laugh about it now saying, maybe we weren’t meant to go out again. We talk about the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s and still have great chemistry. He understands I see the bigger picture and he was just a small part of it. That day changed me. Fast forward, a year later, I’m in a happy place, knowing my purpose and I’m not looking to fill any voids.
Who knows what will happen between us if anything but I call him friend and he calls me the same.
Its funny what twist life throws at you and how you deal with them makes all of the difference.
Would I do anything differently? NO
Why? Simple answer for that because through that experience I slowly began to put my life together and I knew in that moment God was sending me a warning. My only concern was getting home to my children and not missing God’s complete message for me.
Everyday I’m blessed to wake up.
I learned a lot about my relationship style/myself, why I attract the men I do, why I choose the one to spend time with, how I handle “expectations” of others, who I called “friend”, what I had to change about myself and who and what I had to let go. I was completely humbled by that experience; I was broken down to be restored but clearly NOT broken. I survived it all. I don’t know what one will get from this story but I’m happy I got it off my chest.
Minor yet major tip for all: Often times we miss the pebbles being thrown at us, its not until that boulder gets thrown that we pay attention. The pebbles don’t hurt and/or we have a high tolerance for pain. Don’t dismiss the pebbles because that boulder may be the end all. You may not get another chance.
I’m not normally the type to share my personal life but in this last year I’ve seen how beneficial it is for me as well as others.
It all started on Twitter when someone who was following me made a comment about something I tweeted about wanting Popeye’s Chicken, LMBO @ the memories as I type this. Being sort of new to the whole social networking scene and people connecting on and off of the web, I was always skeptical BUT this person became a person of interest. We connected off of Twitter, realized we were in close proximity to one another and planned to meet. For 30 straight days we “kicked” it via phone conversations and BBM. The chemistry was crazy! We set a date to meet and we were both excited about it. I chose to drive to him because it was easier and I had all the precautions in my mind if the in-person meet was a bust, it would be easier for me to leave than to kick him out if he came to me. Long story short, I arrived, and BOOM that chemistry was on 1000. We had a great time. He was a gentleman. I stayed for a day. It was time for me to go and I was super excited because my mind was already on when I was coming back. Plus I was leaving early enough that I still would have the whole day with my kids when I got home. Well God had other plans in mind for me that day because I didn’t make it home as early as I wanted to. I totaled my car and landed in a ditch, flipped 3 times. I called the person I just left; he was in a training class at work so it took a few calls before he answered. He was not my 1st call. I didn’t expect him to come to my aide; I didn’t expect anything from him. I just simple wanted him to know what happened and that I was ok.
Now in telling a few people afterward there were many opinions such as: he should’ve left his class to come to your aide, why did you drive to him in the 1st place, if he was a man he wouldn’t have let you drive that distance, bah, blah, blah BUT NONE of that mattered because I saw the bigger picture. I believe all things happen for a reason and no matter what I did that day something was going to happen to me, my “wake up” call. That’s just how God works. At that time I was focused on things that I shouldn’t have been. I was so adamant about being in a relationship, which was my main focus. I wasn’t thinking about things I needed to do on a personal level that would fill the void. I was trying to fill the void with a person. A mistake many women make when going through certain stages in life. I was 2+ years into being single and tired of it. Used to being in relationships I thought that would make me happy again. In a way I was settling. Not to take away from the guy because there wasn’t anything wrong with him BUT ironically he was in the same space I was in mentally. Recently divorced he was looking for a relationship as well but didn’t realize he needed to work on himself emotionally just as I needed to. *Every time I start a blog it goes in another direction, LOL*
Now after my car accident I was in pain for weeks, even had to do physical therapy and he constantly checked on me via phone/BBM. I even tried to go see him again but things never panned out. He became distant after awhile and I wend through a slew of emotions because I felt abandoned my many, friends and family included. I still didn’t expect anything from him but I was angry at him. Why, he was the one closest to me at the time. It was like anything we felt before my accident just disappeared afterward. I never looked at it from his point of view. I was going through too much emotionally/physically to care.
Months later he and I had a conversation and he broke down how he felt. He didn’t know how to respond to what had happened. He felt guilty, he felt like he was to blame. Second guessing himself and what he thought was a promising situation turned ugly in 24 hours. He didn’t want me to come visit him again because he thought he was protecting me in some way by me not traveling the distance. Once I heard him out I was no longer angry and understood. I began to think had I not survived that accident and him getting the news all of the emotions he could have gone through. I put myself in his shoes. In that moment I realized men truly do react differently to traumatic situations. If I was him as a woman I would’ve been nurturing but as a woman it’s in our nature to do so. Men often hold in their emotional and act as if nothing happen so they can cope. Granted maybe he could’ve done something different but looking back he did the best he knew how to do considering. How would you react if a person you met for the 1st time gets into a near fatal accident after they leave you? Simple answer, you don’t know until it happens to you.
I am still in contact with this person. We just were talking yesterday and he wanted to know if I hated him. I don’t, never did. We laugh about it now saying, maybe we weren’t meant to go out again. We talk about the coulda, shoulda, woulda’s and still have great chemistry. He understands I see the bigger picture and he was just a small part of it. That day changed me. Fast forward, a year later, I’m in a happy place, knowing my purpose and I’m not looking to fill any voids.
Who knows what will happen between us if anything but I call him friend and he calls me the same.
Its funny what twist life throws at you and how you deal with them makes all of the difference.
Would I do anything differently? NO
Why? Simple answer for that because through that experience I slowly began to put my life together and I knew in that moment God was sending me a warning. My only concern was getting home to my children and not missing God’s complete message for me.
Everyday I’m blessed to wake up.
I learned a lot about my relationship style/myself, why I attract the men I do, why I choose the one to spend time with, how I handle “expectations” of others, who I called “friend”, what I had to change about myself and who and what I had to let go. I was completely humbled by that experience; I was broken down to be restored but clearly NOT broken. I survived it all. I don’t know what one will get from this story but I’m happy I got it off my chest.
Minor yet major tip for all: Often times we miss the pebbles being thrown at us, its not until that boulder gets thrown that we pay attention. The pebbles don’t hurt and/or we have a high tolerance for pain. Don’t dismiss the pebbles because that boulder may be the end all. You may not get another chance.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
CUT SHORT
One day I closed my eyes just to remember your face
You have become such a memory for me that I struggle with from time to time
Things were different
So much of a connection
I never wanted to let go
BUT
Time moved faster and things were cut short
Didn't truly value what we had
We thought we had forever
BUT
Our fate was decided
The day someone chose to end your life
I can't get you back
BUT
Your memory is what I have left
I worry because it fades sometimes
My heart keeps you always
Not so much my mind
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
You have become such a memory for me that I struggle with from time to time
Things were different
So much of a connection
I never wanted to let go
BUT
Time moved faster and things were cut short
Didn't truly value what we had
We thought we had forever
BUT
Our fate was decided
The day someone chose to end your life
I can't get you back
BUT
Your memory is what I have left
I worry because it fades sometimes
My heart keeps you always
Not so much my mind
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2010
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
TOO LATE
Things can NEVER be the same way they used to be between us
Sometimes I look at you in TOTAL DISGUST
For what you put me through
When all was crumbling around me I said "I NEED YOU"
Your response was "I HAVE MY OWN ISSUES"
We were friends above all else
I was there for you when you needed my help
I KNEW things weren't going right with your situation
I asked you to come home
You neglected what we had as if it was nothing which made me feel ALONE
I gave all I had
I gave all I didn't have
I gave all my effort to make us last
The same wasn't given in return
Which in the long run I DID learn
We weren't on the same page
Our goals were different
When you came home you tried to get things to make sense
It was too late things had changed
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
Sometimes one's absence makes the heart & mind realize what you thought you felt was all wrong. You see what you chose not to see or could not see while they were in your presence.
Sometimes I look at you in TOTAL DISGUST
For what you put me through
When all was crumbling around me I said "I NEED YOU"
Your response was "I HAVE MY OWN ISSUES"
We were friends above all else
I was there for you when you needed my help
I KNEW things weren't going right with your situation
I asked you to come home
You neglected what we had as if it was nothing which made me feel ALONE
I gave all I had
I gave all I didn't have
I gave all my effort to make us last
The same wasn't given in return
Which in the long run I DID learn
We weren't on the same page
Our goals were different
When you came home you tried to get things to make sense
It was too late things had changed
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
Sometimes one's absence makes the heart & mind realize what you thought you felt was all wrong. You see what you chose not to see or could not see while they were in your presence.
Monday, October 10, 2011
YOU CAN'T DENY IT
Everyday you think about it
You want it more and more
You want the feeling, the emotion, the connection
Of that you're sure
BUT sometimes when you want something so bad its doesn't happen when you want it to
So to make it easier you try to trick your mind
Telling yourself NOT to want it, NOT to think about it
STOP hoping
Subconsciously you can't wait for it to happen
All around you its happening for everyone else
You start to look within
You wonder about yourself
Is there something wrong with you?
Is it a mental or a physical thing your body is going through?
Even when you try it STILL doesn't happen
What's wrong?
You keep yourself from crying by laughing
How long can that last?
You get emotional when you see someone experiencing what you want
You smile to prevent your tears
You put up a front
Your heart aches because you don't think you're capable anymore
So you slowly but shortly close that door on any opportunity for it to happen
You stop craving
Stop reacting
You hoped it would happen THIS time because you worked so hard for it
Felt you deserved it
Tried to hold in your disappointment
Couldn't hold back the tears
Gave up
Walked away
Erased it from your mind
Told yourself your heart will be fine
WITHOUT it
STOP lying to yourself!
You can't deny it!
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
This is one of those poems where you think you have an idea of what it is about BUT it can be something different every time you read it.
You want it more and more
You want the feeling, the emotion, the connection
Of that you're sure
BUT sometimes when you want something so bad its doesn't happen when you want it to
So to make it easier you try to trick your mind
Telling yourself NOT to want it, NOT to think about it
STOP hoping
Subconsciously you can't wait for it to happen
All around you its happening for everyone else
You start to look within
You wonder about yourself
Is there something wrong with you?
Is it a mental or a physical thing your body is going through?
Even when you try it STILL doesn't happen
What's wrong?
You keep yourself from crying by laughing
How long can that last?
You get emotional when you see someone experiencing what you want
You smile to prevent your tears
You put up a front
Your heart aches because you don't think you're capable anymore
So you slowly but shortly close that door on any opportunity for it to happen
You stop craving
Stop reacting
You hoped it would happen THIS time because you worked so hard for it
Felt you deserved it
Tried to hold in your disappointment
Couldn't hold back the tears
Gave up
Walked away
Erased it from your mind
Told yourself your heart will be fine
WITHOUT it
STOP lying to yourself!
You can't deny it!
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
This is one of those poems where you think you have an idea of what it is about BUT it can be something different every time you read it.
SADDENED
I know you hurt every time you close your eyes
You weren't there to save him or say your last goodbyes
The sorrow in your eyes makes my heart ache
Why couldn't his life be traded, for they could have taken his place
As much as I wish he was here for your sake
We can't bring him back
And that's the sad reality we face
He's watching over you always
BELIEVE that
Saying I'm always here for you
I have your back
I know you hurt every time you close your eyes
You think of him and the actions behind his demise
The cruelty and disregard they had for him
Makes you want to get revenge and kill them
You have to release that anger an hurt you have
If you don't, you'll never move on
You'll be stuck in the past
All things happen for a reason
In time you'll understand
At that point you'll release that pain
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
I wrote this after someone close to me lost the closet person to them. I watched this person mourn wishing there was something more I could do. I was saddened by what they were going through. One day they told me "If not for you I wouldn't have made it through, thank you for being my friend." Those words were all I needed to erase my sadness and if what I did eased his pain I was his blessing & that was all the thanks I needed. You never know how one will be when they lose someone, you don't know how to comfort hem or what to say. There is no rule book but if you are sincere in your efforts just being there is a huge part of their healing process. A friend like that is hard to come by.
You weren't there to save him or say your last goodbyes
The sorrow in your eyes makes my heart ache
Why couldn't his life be traded, for they could have taken his place
As much as I wish he was here for your sake
We can't bring him back
And that's the sad reality we face
He's watching over you always
BELIEVE that
Saying I'm always here for you
I have your back
I know you hurt every time you close your eyes
You think of him and the actions behind his demise
The cruelty and disregard they had for him
Makes you want to get revenge and kill them
You have to release that anger an hurt you have
If you don't, you'll never move on
You'll be stuck in the past
All things happen for a reason
In time you'll understand
At that point you'll release that pain
SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
LMJ©2003
I wrote this after someone close to me lost the closet person to them. I watched this person mourn wishing there was something more I could do. I was saddened by what they were going through. One day they told me "If not for you I wouldn't have made it through, thank you for being my friend." Those words were all I needed to erase my sadness and if what I did eased his pain I was his blessing & that was all the thanks I needed. You never know how one will be when they lose someone, you don't know how to comfort hem or what to say. There is no rule book but if you are sincere in your efforts just being there is a huge part of their healing process. A friend like that is hard to come by.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
BROKEN HEART
You had me stagnant for some time
Never thought that would be a destination for me
Couldn't breathe
Couldn't feel
Couldn't cry
PARALYZED
Although all the signs were there that this would happen
Thought it still wasn't possible
Never saw you as the one who would cause the greatest pain
Truly understand what null and void feel like
You had me angry
You had me defeated
You had me lost
Despite all that, hating you is something useless to me
Some part of me will never forget
Some part of me will always hurt
Through it all I wasn't destroyed
I never want to feel you again
Wouldn't wish you on an enemy or a friend
You are................. A BROKEN HEART
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©8/23/11
Never thought that would be a destination for me
Couldn't breathe
Couldn't feel
Couldn't cry
PARALYZED
Although all the signs were there that this would happen
Thought it still wasn't possible
Never saw you as the one who would cause the greatest pain
Truly understand what null and void feel like
You had me angry
You had me defeated
You had me lost
Despite all that, hating you is something useless to me
Some part of me will never forget
Some part of me will always hurt
Through it all I wasn't destroyed
I never want to feel you again
Wouldn't wish you on an enemy or a friend
You are................. A BROKEN HEART
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©8/23/11
YOU..............
My heart craves you
You're constantly on my mind
Yet SO out of reach
You move me to do for others
You give me hope
Yet I've had and lost you too many times
You make me smile
You make me laugh
Yet sometimes I recognize you
You keep me motivated
You have me singing loud in the shower
You make me want to continue doing all things good
Yet you had me heartbroken a time or two
I want you despite all the possibilities things can go wrong
You make me cry tears of joy
You continue to make my days spontaneous
Yet you've been gone from me for awhile now
You've given me some of the best days as well as some o the worst
Yet I'd HAPPILY open my arms to you time and time again!
You, I can talk about all day
You, I miss dearly
Yet the time may not be right, maybe
That's always an open ended statement
Yet I'll wait for you as long as need be
You are.....................................LOVE!
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
© 8/23/11
You're constantly on my mind
Yet SO out of reach
You move me to do for others
You give me hope
Yet I've had and lost you too many times
You make me smile
You make me laugh
Yet sometimes I recognize you
You keep me motivated
You have me singing loud in the shower
You make me want to continue doing all things good
Yet you had me heartbroken a time or two
I want you despite all the possibilities things can go wrong
You make me cry tears of joy
You continue to make my days spontaneous
Yet you've been gone from me for awhile now
You've given me some of the best days as well as some o the worst
Yet I'd HAPPILY open my arms to you time and time again!
You, I can talk about all day
You, I miss dearly
Yet the time may not be right, maybe
That's always an open ended statement
Yet I'll wait for you as long as need be
You are.....................................LOVE!
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
© 8/23/11
Monday, August 15, 2011
I LOVE black men BUT.................
The other day I was having a discussion on interracial dating, some interesting comments were made and I had to LMBO at a few. The "double standard" definitely came up a lot! It seems some black men feel a way about black women dating white men and most black women have an issue with black men dating white women. In my opinion black men have the advantage because they can date almost any race. Many of them give black women a bad rap with their "stereotypes", things such as black women have nothing but attitude, we like drama, too demanding, loud, care more about money amongst other things said, so other races are threatened/intimidated by us. Also most races would have an issue bringing the black woman home to their families. Black men have a little more acceptance with it because "boys will be boys".
Most black women including myself LOVE our black men but our options are drying up like a jheri curl with no activator after a hot summer day in Texas! Our black men are trading us in for every color of the rainbow for various reasons. Between jail, unemployment, STDs, homosexuality, freeloaders, mama's boys and anything else that knocks them out for eligible black women. Black men face some similar odds with black women as well so don't get your Fruit of The Looms in a bunch, its just not as much! Its hard out here for both sides but let's face the numbers there are more women in this world than men AND there are definitely more black women to black men. So when a black woman dates or marries outside of her race, can you blame her? Would you rather her date/marry one of the bad choices I listed, date a woman or just be single and wait her turn? That wait could be a LONG time! If you choose any of those answers that's pretty selfish. In this day and age seriously race should not even be a problem if both are happy. Let's be realistic now! Dating today is far more a task than 2 years ago let alone 10 years ago.
Now there are some women who look for a man to take care of them and dollars motivate them, doesn't matter what race is involved! Black women have more to eliminate them when looking to date other races than black men. With black men you have the "once you go black you never go back" rule, LOL. White women especially want to see if the "stories" about black men and their size are true so many of them are always game. Latin women, modern types mostly, love black men just as much as black women do. Black men no matter what their issues have the pick of the litter with women, ask Tiger Woods, LOL! Matter of fact don't ask him a damn thing his "game" is trash, but that's a whole other story, LMBO!
Now some black men say black women date white men for the wrong reasons BUT what about the black men who date white women for the wrong reasons: The ones who want someone to take care of them just because they're "laying the pipe down", for acceptance in corporate/political arenas, good credit, etc... More black men date other races for the wrong reason vs black women. Many black men give us a bad rap so not many other races want to mess with us so we don't really have that luxury of dating outside our race.
So in saying all that I'd date outside my race in a heartbeat, love has no color. I LOVE my black men BUT the odds of finding a good one is becoming slimmer and slimmer. At the end of the day we're all mixed and when the lights go out we're all the same color!
Now this blog may cause a lot of debate but it is what it is. I don't care who dates who and why. Many date/marry who they want for whatever reason, to each his/her own. I say have an open mind these days. You never know who you'll meet. I LOVE my black me BUT................do they still love us?
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
August 2011
Most black women including myself LOVE our black men but our options are drying up like a jheri curl with no activator after a hot summer day in Texas! Our black men are trading us in for every color of the rainbow for various reasons. Between jail, unemployment, STDs, homosexuality, freeloaders, mama's boys and anything else that knocks them out for eligible black women. Black men face some similar odds with black women as well so don't get your Fruit of The Looms in a bunch, its just not as much! Its hard out here for both sides but let's face the numbers there are more women in this world than men AND there are definitely more black women to black men. So when a black woman dates or marries outside of her race, can you blame her? Would you rather her date/marry one of the bad choices I listed, date a woman or just be single and wait her turn? That wait could be a LONG time! If you choose any of those answers that's pretty selfish. In this day and age seriously race should not even be a problem if both are happy. Let's be realistic now! Dating today is far more a task than 2 years ago let alone 10 years ago.
Now there are some women who look for a man to take care of them and dollars motivate them, doesn't matter what race is involved! Black women have more to eliminate them when looking to date other races than black men. With black men you have the "once you go black you never go back" rule, LOL. White women especially want to see if the "stories" about black men and their size are true so many of them are always game. Latin women, modern types mostly, love black men just as much as black women do. Black men no matter what their issues have the pick of the litter with women, ask Tiger Woods, LOL! Matter of fact don't ask him a damn thing his "game" is trash, but that's a whole other story, LMBO!
Now some black men say black women date white men for the wrong reasons BUT what about the black men who date white women for the wrong reasons: The ones who want someone to take care of them just because they're "laying the pipe down", for acceptance in corporate/political arenas, good credit, etc... More black men date other races for the wrong reason vs black women. Many black men give us a bad rap so not many other races want to mess with us so we don't really have that luxury of dating outside our race.
So in saying all that I'd date outside my race in a heartbeat, love has no color. I LOVE my black men BUT the odds of finding a good one is becoming slimmer and slimmer. At the end of the day we're all mixed and when the lights go out we're all the same color!
Now this blog may cause a lot of debate but it is what it is. I don't care who dates who and why. Many date/marry who they want for whatever reason, to each his/her own. I say have an open mind these days. You never know who you'll meet. I LOVE my black me BUT................do they still love us?
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
August 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
HURT
A pain so deep you don't even know it exist.
You go on about things thinking you've gotten over that HURT until something ignites it. You're frozen because you don't know what to do; confusion, fear and anxiety hit you like a ton of bricks. How do you go about tackling the elephant in the room when you didn't even know it was there?
Everyone has their own way of dealing with extreme HURT. Whether it be covering it up, replacing it with something worse or better or dealing with it to move on properly. Only one can determine what works for them. In the process of whatever one decides there will be some loss; whether it be friendship, some of yourself or love.
The cause of that HURT no matter where from, effects us all in various ways. We can understand another's pain because we can identify with pain. We casually say 2 one another "I feel your pain", in all honesty we don't since we deal with pain differently. Pain in my opinion is temporary. HURT is more of a lengthy emotion. HURT is layers of emotions depending on the cause. Think about it, when one is effected by it they say "I was HURT by ...................", that's deeper than pain. The reality is we all get HURT in some way, shape form or fashion. How we handle it is a whole other thing.
I never knew HURT until a few years ago. Didn't realize how deeply embedded it was until recently. Once HURT one tends to guard their emotions with all the army's of the world. There are pros and cons of that high level of guarding but that HURT is more powerful sometimes, but you know you never want to feel it again. You'd rather be cautious than deal with HURT! You'd rather be prepared to handle your emotions than deal with HURT!
Now when HURT by someone you gave your heart to, completely & loved them unconditionally, that's a HURT that can break the strongest person. It shatters your trust system and the way you view almost everything in regards to relationships/friendships. Your first thought is, if this person can hurt me no matter what you've come to know about them after the fact, then anyone who cares for you less can do the same thing. Its not fair to them or you but until you feel safe again you tread very lightly with newcomers. Its hard for you to believe a person could be such a liar, deceiver and/or manipulator. How could someone cause you so much HURT if they claim to love/like or be fond of you? How can someone be that cold? You may never get those answers and if you do they still won't make you feel better. You have to work on that HURT for you, not to mend the situation that caused it. That will never be the same.
Now I'm definitely not the one to give advice or suggestions on how to fix it for you, because I'm currently dealing with it. All I can tell you is its like being in a prison of emotions. You're scared to let people in, scared to love and scared of being HURT again. What I can say is work on becoming stronger emotionally. Who you were before being HURT is somewhat gone. You have to work on the new you as well as anyone who deals with you needs to be patient. Its like learning to walk again but possibly slower. You have to learn how to trust again. You have to learn how to determine what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe you missed a lot before with the one who HURT you so now you have to be thoroughly aware of who you let in now. Its a crappy process and sucks for the one who wants to get to know you. They may see it as "oh just get over it", if they only knew that's one wish you wish could be granted like yesterday! Sometimes you don't even control how you react to things. Its like the "unknown" is the flu and your immune system just kicks in to protect you. Your sense of having control becomes a priority. Its an unrealistic way to carry on because you can't control everything but any small sense of control keeps you functional. Slowly on the road to "everything is ok now". HURT is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Time is a huge factor in dealing with HURT, there is no set time to get passed it. Don't let it consume you, allow yourself to move forward at a reasonable pace. The HURT will decline and you'll get to a place where its replaced by love and happiness. Its easy to stay in the HURT. Don't be easy, fight the HURT like it just took your last piece of food or your last dollar!
If there is any comfort you can hold onto its, I truly feel and understand your HURT. I'm in the moment with you. Its okay to admit you're going through, that's the first step to dealing with it.
You go on about things thinking you've gotten over that HURT until something ignites it. You're frozen because you don't know what to do; confusion, fear and anxiety hit you like a ton of bricks. How do you go about tackling the elephant in the room when you didn't even know it was there?
Everyone has their own way of dealing with extreme HURT. Whether it be covering it up, replacing it with something worse or better or dealing with it to move on properly. Only one can determine what works for them. In the process of whatever one decides there will be some loss; whether it be friendship, some of yourself or love.
The cause of that HURT no matter where from, effects us all in various ways. We can understand another's pain because we can identify with pain. We casually say 2 one another "I feel your pain", in all honesty we don't since we deal with pain differently. Pain in my opinion is temporary. HURT is more of a lengthy emotion. HURT is layers of emotions depending on the cause. Think about it, when one is effected by it they say "I was HURT by ...................", that's deeper than pain. The reality is we all get HURT in some way, shape form or fashion. How we handle it is a whole other thing.
I never knew HURT until a few years ago. Didn't realize how deeply embedded it was until recently. Once HURT one tends to guard their emotions with all the army's of the world. There are pros and cons of that high level of guarding but that HURT is more powerful sometimes, but you know you never want to feel it again. You'd rather be cautious than deal with HURT! You'd rather be prepared to handle your emotions than deal with HURT!
Now when HURT by someone you gave your heart to, completely & loved them unconditionally, that's a HURT that can break the strongest person. It shatters your trust system and the way you view almost everything in regards to relationships/friendships. Your first thought is, if this person can hurt me no matter what you've come to know about them after the fact, then anyone who cares for you less can do the same thing. Its not fair to them or you but until you feel safe again you tread very lightly with newcomers. Its hard for you to believe a person could be such a liar, deceiver and/or manipulator. How could someone cause you so much HURT if they claim to love/like or be fond of you? How can someone be that cold? You may never get those answers and if you do they still won't make you feel better. You have to work on that HURT for you, not to mend the situation that caused it. That will never be the same.
Now I'm definitely not the one to give advice or suggestions on how to fix it for you, because I'm currently dealing with it. All I can tell you is its like being in a prison of emotions. You're scared to let people in, scared to love and scared of being HURT again. What I can say is work on becoming stronger emotionally. Who you were before being HURT is somewhat gone. You have to work on the new you as well as anyone who deals with you needs to be patient. Its like learning to walk again but possibly slower. You have to learn how to trust again. You have to learn how to determine what works for you and what doesn't. Maybe you missed a lot before with the one who HURT you so now you have to be thoroughly aware of who you let in now. Its a crappy process and sucks for the one who wants to get to know you. They may see it as "oh just get over it", if they only knew that's one wish you wish could be granted like yesterday! Sometimes you don't even control how you react to things. Its like the "unknown" is the flu and your immune system just kicks in to protect you. Your sense of having control becomes a priority. Its an unrealistic way to carry on because you can't control everything but any small sense of control keeps you functional. Slowly on the road to "everything is ok now". HURT is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Time is a huge factor in dealing with HURT, there is no set time to get passed it. Don't let it consume you, allow yourself to move forward at a reasonable pace. The HURT will decline and you'll get to a place where its replaced by love and happiness. Its easy to stay in the HURT. Don't be easy, fight the HURT like it just took your last piece of food or your last dollar!
If there is any comfort you can hold onto its, I truly feel and understand your HURT. I'm in the moment with you. Its okay to admit you're going through, that's the first step to dealing with it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
IN MEMOMRY OF...............
One the anniversary of your death it on feels like yesterday
That someone felt there was no need for you to stay
For whatever reason they thought you didn't need to exist in this world
Snatched away your life and sadden us all
You will never be forgotten as long as your music plays
You will travel amongst us all as your ashes are pushed by the waves
REST IN PEACE TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR
SEPTEMBER 2002©•LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
This piece originally was written for Tupac but reading it again made me think of the countless people I've lost to gun violence. So many here today gone tomorrow damn I just saw them a few days/months/weeks ago stories. Losing someone you love violently is never easy. In the end you have to be real about it though, for instance I'm sad they are not here anymore BUT many whom I know lead a life where death by violence was one of two options. Some started to change or had changed their lives around and were killed. When that happens I believe that God was waiting for you to start the process before he was ready to take you. Taking you was a lesson to those around you sadly many don't pick up on the message. They get deeper into the live and the percentage of dying goes up drastically. Its tragic that in my short life I can create a long list of RIP's due to violence. In memory of those lost I miss you.
That someone felt there was no need for you to stay
For whatever reason they thought you didn't need to exist in this world
Snatched away your life and sadden us all
You will never be forgotten as long as your music plays
You will travel amongst us all as your ashes are pushed by the waves
REST IN PEACE TUPAC AMARU SHAKUR
SEPTEMBER 2002©•LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
This piece originally was written for Tupac but reading it again made me think of the countless people I've lost to gun violence. So many here today gone tomorrow damn I just saw them a few days/months/weeks ago stories. Losing someone you love violently is never easy. In the end you have to be real about it though, for instance I'm sad they are not here anymore BUT many whom I know lead a life where death by violence was one of two options. Some started to change or had changed their lives around and were killed. When that happens I believe that God was waiting for you to start the process before he was ready to take you. Taking you was a lesson to those around you sadly many don't pick up on the message. They get deeper into the live and the percentage of dying goes up drastically. Its tragic that in my short life I can create a long list of RIP's due to violence. In memory of those lost I miss you.
TIME TO LET GO
Its NEVER too late to let go
Its time to drop the past so you can grow
Its time to let go of all the sadness and pain
Because to hold onto it, there is NOTHING to gain
Nothing POSITIVE
You've held onto it so long
Various situations were derailed from going right to tragically going wrong
Things seem fine and everything appears OK
But before you know it what you've held onto pops up one day
You tell yourself, "This is not going to hold me back, this I know! Its time for me to let it go"
That pep talk fades fast because the emotions are so deeply embedded
One has no idea where they have you headed
JULY 28, 1993/JULY 15, 2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
I wrote this poem when I was 16 yrs old(17 years ago WOW)! Since then I can tell a story or 3 about how NOT letting go hinders a person. Some of you may be thinking "Damn what was she going through at 16 that she wrote this?" in time I'll tell that story. Back to the subject at hand, letting go is a process no one person can explain HOW its done. Many of us know it needs to be done but often times one doesn't get to the root of what is behind the emotions/situations that they're holding on to. The beginning of letting go is being HONEST, BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself about the situation. Many of us are mad at someone who hurt us, that could be an ex, friend or even a stranger. Those scars are deep in many cases. Take responsibility for your part if any in the situation, in doing so you're letting go some of the anger you've held onto. If you have no responsibility to take then deal with the emotions and remember the one who hurt you is sleeping good, living their life while you're so stuck on what they did you can't sleep, have successful friendships/relationships, always complaining, not being at the full potential in life you should be at, addicted to something suicidal, reckless, always mad/flipping out on people and or going through depression. That's the reality of NOT letting go it will consume you so you may not even realize it has. one's journey of letting go starts with the willingness to change! No one likes change largely because of the work it takes to do so. Change is good because it allows freedom and clarity. I'm NO EXPERT but believe me when I say I KNOW what it feels like. I'm sure I can relate to similar situations many of you have dealt with maybe even worse, it has hindered me for a long time. I've masked a lot of who I am because I didn't want people to see me as damaged or I just pushed it out of my mind and pushed forward. Dragging the weight of that "luggage" will stop you at some point, TRUST ME! Ask yourself do you want it to stop you at the wrong time? If the answer is no dig deep and start the process of change.
Ever met someone you really like and they feel the same way, the possibilities are great and you "sabotage" it or get stuck at a place you can't move forward? You think you're over the ex who broke your heart because you're not thinking of him/her but that hurt has you scared of even trying to see if this person will do you right.
Ever had a friend you distanced yourself from because you weren't ready to deal with your demons? The closer they wanted to get to you the further you pushed them away. Now years later you miss them and realize they were worth having in your life.
Ever quit something because you let your emotions get the best of you? That fear has a hold on you so strong you're comfortable in your situation. Later you look back and see how stupid you were.
Mad at the person you had kids with like everything is their fault. Remember you made a choice in that moment whether it was for love or the sex was that great so putting all the fault on them is unrealistic!!!!!! Trust you had signs before hand that you probably ignored that let you know the person they are now is who they were then but you thought things would be different.
Still holding on to the person who broke your heart, be thankful they are gone! Repair yourself, move on and give someone else the opportunity to love you and allow yourself to love.
In facing the truth you will deal with pain, you'll cry, you'll doubt but in the end you'll let it go and be soooooo much stronger because of it. Granted not many can take this process, some will lose the battle, strength does not come easy.
Letting go isn't easy but as long as you don't give up you will win, eventually. Time heals all wounds, but that length of time is crucial. Don't take too long, you can miss many great things along the way.
A key tip I'm learning is to talk it out, release it from your system. It helps.
Thank you for allowing me to share, your welcome in advance if this helps you and I thank you for helping me!
Its time to drop the past so you can grow
Its time to let go of all the sadness and pain
Because to hold onto it, there is NOTHING to gain
Nothing POSITIVE
You've held onto it so long
Various situations were derailed from going right to tragically going wrong
Things seem fine and everything appears OK
But before you know it what you've held onto pops up one day
You tell yourself, "This is not going to hold me back, this I know! Its time for me to let it go"
That pep talk fades fast because the emotions are so deeply embedded
One has no idea where they have you headed
JULY 28, 1993/JULY 15, 2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
I wrote this poem when I was 16 yrs old(17 years ago WOW)! Since then I can tell a story or 3 about how NOT letting go hinders a person. Some of you may be thinking "Damn what was she going through at 16 that she wrote this?" in time I'll tell that story. Back to the subject at hand, letting go is a process no one person can explain HOW its done. Many of us know it needs to be done but often times one doesn't get to the root of what is behind the emotions/situations that they're holding on to. The beginning of letting go is being HONEST, BRUTALLY HONEST with yourself about the situation. Many of us are mad at someone who hurt us, that could be an ex, friend or even a stranger. Those scars are deep in many cases. Take responsibility for your part if any in the situation, in doing so you're letting go some of the anger you've held onto. If you have no responsibility to take then deal with the emotions and remember the one who hurt you is sleeping good, living their life while you're so stuck on what they did you can't sleep, have successful friendships/relationships, always complaining, not being at the full potential in life you should be at, addicted to something suicidal, reckless, always mad/flipping out on people and or going through depression. That's the reality of NOT letting go it will consume you so you may not even realize it has. one's journey of letting go starts with the willingness to change! No one likes change largely because of the work it takes to do so. Change is good because it allows freedom and clarity. I'm NO EXPERT but believe me when I say I KNOW what it feels like. I'm sure I can relate to similar situations many of you have dealt with maybe even worse, it has hindered me for a long time. I've masked a lot of who I am because I didn't want people to see me as damaged or I just pushed it out of my mind and pushed forward. Dragging the weight of that "luggage" will stop you at some point, TRUST ME! Ask yourself do you want it to stop you at the wrong time? If the answer is no dig deep and start the process of change.
Ever met someone you really like and they feel the same way, the possibilities are great and you "sabotage" it or get stuck at a place you can't move forward? You think you're over the ex who broke your heart because you're not thinking of him/her but that hurt has you scared of even trying to see if this person will do you right.
Ever had a friend you distanced yourself from because you weren't ready to deal with your demons? The closer they wanted to get to you the further you pushed them away. Now years later you miss them and realize they were worth having in your life.
Ever quit something because you let your emotions get the best of you? That fear has a hold on you so strong you're comfortable in your situation. Later you look back and see how stupid you were.
Mad at the person you had kids with like everything is their fault. Remember you made a choice in that moment whether it was for love or the sex was that great so putting all the fault on them is unrealistic!!!!!! Trust you had signs before hand that you probably ignored that let you know the person they are now is who they were then but you thought things would be different.
Still holding on to the person who broke your heart, be thankful they are gone! Repair yourself, move on and give someone else the opportunity to love you and allow yourself to love.
In facing the truth you will deal with pain, you'll cry, you'll doubt but in the end you'll let it go and be soooooo much stronger because of it. Granted not many can take this process, some will lose the battle, strength does not come easy.
Letting go isn't easy but as long as you don't give up you will win, eventually. Time heals all wounds, but that length of time is crucial. Don't take too long, you can miss many great things along the way.
A key tip I'm learning is to talk it out, release it from your system. It helps.
Thank you for allowing me to share, your welcome in advance if this helps you and I thank you for helping me!
IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO ASK DURING THE DATING PROCESS
I created this post over a year ago and since then I've chatted with many people and even had my hand in dating(LMBO, memories), so I see it fit to remix it a little bit. Since last year I've come across many stories of LDR's(long distance relationships) or folks meeting a great person via Facebook/Twitter as well as other social networks. It's become the new "norm" since so many people are online now. "Meeting" a potential mate has taken on a whole new world. Many people think they have a "basic" list of questions to ask a "potential" and for the most part those questions work but for the one serious about finding a mate you have to get deeper into the mind of the person. You have to find out about their character as well as letting them get to know the real you. Granted online a person can potray themselves as the "flawless" but we all know there are a limited amount of flawless things and often times it has to do with jewelry, LOL. So here are some questions that should be asked that would lead to multiple discussions where you can get to know a person. This is for anyone you meet virtually or in person. You can decide when to ask these questions and on what to do from there.
Good luck but most of all enjoy!!!!!!
FULL NAME(Depending on the age of the person if he is still going by a nickname that is a clear indication of immaturity. If 35 and they're still talking about my name is ____ Gotti/Murda/Ski/Love/Etc walk away now!):
D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT(Not necessarily a need to know as women especially don't like to admit this but a man may have no problem with it):
SHOE SIZE(May not be a need to know unless you care to buy them some footwear but in that moment you can ask for this info. Ladies don't let that myth fool you either):
ZODIAC(This is not an exact science as to who you ideal mate is but if you're into astrology you know the basic characteristics of a zodiac sometimes is helpful.):
U.S. CITIZEN(This is important to many for various reasons):
IF NO ARE YOU IN PROCESS OF BECOMING A U/S/ CITIZEN? CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF?:
NICKNAMES/ALIAS(If they have an alias, RUN. Nicknames are cool because most people are given them from childhood but its usually close to what their real name is):
STATE OF CURRENT RESIDENCE(Very important especially for LDR's):
RENT OR OWN?(Shows responsibility, if you don't do either are you living off of someone):
HOMETOWN:
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HOUSEHOLD & WHO?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU MADE LESS $$ THAN YOUR MATE?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE NOT THE BREADWINNER IN A RELATIONSHIP?:
MARITAL STATUS(Clearly this is important unless you like dating those who are taken, but if not be diligent in getting a straight answer):
IF DIVORCED, HOW LONG?(This is also important, the length of time since a divorce will help you understand one's reservations/mixed emotions on dating/getting serious or just wanted to take things slow):
IF PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, HOW MANY TIMES & LENGTH OF MARRIAGE?:
IF PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES?:
IF NEVER MARRIED IS IT AN OPTION YOU WOULD CONSIDER?:
KIDS(SEX & AGES):
HAVE YOU EVER USED ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when):
IF NO CHILDREN DID YOU ALMOST HAVE SOME?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when. Emotions can still be raw depending on what happened):
IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME?:
QTY OF MOTHERS/FATHERS(This is important it shows a persons' pattern, pay close attention to this answer. It will also allow you to ask the next question):
CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHERS/FATHERS OF CHILDREN(No one wants to deal with drama from an ex, especially one you have kids with):
DO YOU PAY CHILD SUPPORT, VOLUNTARILY/INVOLUNTARILY(Either answer will have a story behind it, LISTEN CLOSELY):
EMPLOYER:
LENGTH OF TIME AT CURRENT EMPLOYER:
HOW MANY JOBS IN LAST 5 YEARS(Shows stability or lack there of):
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: IF MORE THAN ONCE, HOW MANY TIMES AND WHY?(If there is a pattern you'll decide if its something you can deal with or not):
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME IN JAIL/PRISON? LENGTH OF BID?(This is not an elimination question as we all make mistakes but you can judge for yourself if this is an issue for you):
DATE OF LAST HIV/AIDS TEST(VERY IMPORTANT):
CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF OF RESULTS?:
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BE TESTED BEFORE HAVING SEX?(NO IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER):
HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD(INCLUDING 1 NIGHT STANDS)?:
EVER HAD A THREESOME?(This question can be asked for different reasons):
CONDOM TYPE USED?:
EVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH THE SAME SEX?(This question will lead to other discussions, it may or may not be an elimination question depending on your history or what you're looking for):
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN STD? WHEN & WHAT?:
EVER SLEPT WITH A RELATIVE, KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY?(This may not be something you're comfy asking and may not be needed but it happens):
DO YOU CURRENTLY TAKE ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS? IF SO, LIST MEDICATION & REASON FOR TAKING:
RELIGION?(For those deeply into their religion/faith going into extreme detail is beneficial because so many people "present" themselves to be someone they're not to gain someone they want):
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD(WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THE MOST HIGH)?:
DO YOU ATTEND CHURCH, A MOSQUE, KINGDOM HALL, OR SYNAGOGUE REGULARLY:
IF NOT DO YOU READ THE BIBLE, QUA'RAN OR OTHER BOOK RELATED TO YOUR RELIGION REGULARLY?:
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA/GED?:
COLLEGE CREDITS OR COLLEGE DEGREE?:
IF DEGREE OBTAINED, WHAT COLLEGE AND YEAR?
MEMBER OF SORORITY/FRATERNITY?:
MEMBER OF MILITARY, IF SO WHAT BRANCH & HOW LONG?:
TATTOOS?:
HOW MANY AND LOCATION?:
GANG AFFILIATIONS(This can be one's upbringing and/or maybe their current lifestyle. You can decide how important this is to you):
PIERCINGS? IF SO HOW MANY & WHERE?:
FETISHES:
HOBBIES:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FOOD:
BOOK:
SONG:
SPORTS(PLAY(ED) OR LOVE TO WATCH):
HIDDEN TALENTS:
DO YOU OWN A SUIT?:
STATES VISITED:
COUNTRIES VISITED:
SIBLINGS(Finding out one's relationship with their siblings is very important):
POLITICAL VIEWS:
DO YOU VOTE? HAVE YOU EVER VOTED?:
ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO VOTE?:
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?(Find out the status of the license because you don't want to get pulled over and this person gets arrested, NOT GOOD):
EVER BEEN A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME?:
EVER HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST AN EX?:
EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DOMESTIC DISPUTE? EXPLAIN(This is an elimination question especially if one responds "I hit her/him because I was teaching them a lesson" or if they have stories that create a pattern. A one time incident is possibly excusable depending on the circumstances, we are human.):
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?:
FATHER?:
SIBLINGS?:
CO-WORKERS?:
EMPLOYER?:
IN FIVE YEARS WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN LIFE?:
ARE YOU HAPPY OR CONTENT?:
LIST 5 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT ARE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT:
DO YOU COLLECT ITEMS EX: CARS, SPORTS MEMORABILIA, BOOKS, ETC.:
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE:
WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 QUALITIES YOU CAN NOT SET ASIDE WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?:
PET PEEVES:
TURN ON(S):
TURN OFF(S):
EVER HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?:
HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A MATE?(This doesn't mean they're a cheater, hear the person out):
HAVE YOU EVER DESTROYED A MATE'S PROPERTY BECAUSE OF ANGER/REVENGE?:
ARE YOU CONTROLLING?:
JEALOUS?:
HAVE YOU EVER STALKED AN EX?:
HAVE YOU EVER USED ANY CREDIT CARDS OR MONEY OF A MATE'S WITHOUT ASKING?:
CHEAP?:
AN INDIAN GIVER?:
SELFISH?(I'm biased about this question because if one is selfless than you want to RUN from this person. One who is selfish will never admit to it but pay attention to their answer):
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX?:
DO YOU WATCH PORN?:
FAVORITE TYPE?:
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON'T DO SEXUALLY?:
EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?:
ARE YOU GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX'S?:
DO YOU FEEL MEN & WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS?: IF NOT WHY?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DATING/MARRYING A WOMAN/MAN WITH CHILDREN?(THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY DON'T):
IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN & WANTED THEM WOULD YOU ADOPT?:
BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
WORST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
(*The following questions can be asked early on but when things if they do get serious finding out about one's financial situation is important, not necessarily how much they make but their debt and spending habits is a need to know if you plan to go further with them)
*DO YOU HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?:
*CHECKING?:
*401K/RETIREMENT PLAN?:
*CREDIT CARDS?:
HEALTH INSURANCE?:
DENTAL INSURANCE?:
LIFE INSURANCE?:
CAR INSURANCE, IF APPLICABLE?:
*CREDIT SCORE?:
WOULD YOU DATE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE?:
WHAT ARE THE AGES OF YOUR DATING RANGE?:
PERSONALITY TYPE A OR B?:
NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU AND WHY?:
LIST 3 COMMON THINGS I'D HEAR FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU THE MOST?:
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 8 WORDS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED AND WHY?:
HOW DID YOU FEEL AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE DUMPED?:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?:
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD?(This is VERY important especially if you're a long term kind of relationship person. If the answer is under a year find out why):
(*These questions are important because it lets you know and ask more questions about where a person was in their life if any of these apply to them. How they manage life, stress, emotions are things you will get from these questions. Plus addiction is a huge thing to handle!)
*DO YOU SMOKE OR HAVE EVER SMOKED CIGARETTES?:
*WEED?:
*METH?:
*HEROIN?:
*ANY OTHER DRUG(S)?:
DRINK?
SOCIAL DRINKER?:
FAVORITE PHRASE?:
YOUR MOTTO?:
HAVE YOU EVER SOLD DRUGS?:
HAVE ANY ADDICTIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?:
ANY FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH ISSUES I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?(This is a question to be asked when things are serious):
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A MATE GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE/FB PAGE/EMAILS?(There is always emotion or a story behind this, LOL):
HAVE YOU EVER DATED SOMEONE YOU MET ONLINE?:
AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP?:
ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS?:
DO YOU COOK/ARE YOU WILLING TO LEARN?:
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP/TRYING TO GET TO KNOW?:
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM(For sports fans you know this is critical, LOL):
IN CLOSING ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVIDE 3 REFERENCES (EX'S):
3 REFERENCES(FRIENDS):
*ASKING A LOT ABOUT ONE'S FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP HISTORY IS IMPORTANT
NOW I MAY HAVE MISSED A FEW THINGS PLEASE ADD ON IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE THAT CAN BE REVISED AT ANYTIME. PEOPLE FORGET WHEN DATING ITS A PROCESS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR HESITANT TO ASK ANY QUESTION NO MATTER HOW OUT THERE THEY ARE. IF YOU VALUE IT THEN YOU NEED TO ASK TO SEE IF THE "POTENTIAL" DOES AS WELL. NEVER SETTLE! WHEN YOU SETTLE YOU COMPROMISE AND USUALLY END UP IN A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN. WHEN ASKING ANY ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS OR ONE YOU ADD ON TO THIS AND THAT PERSON HESITATES YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GONNA LIE OR TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING. IN THAT MOMENT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT A BLINK YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A GREAT MATCH BUT BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS WE ALL KNOW THE DEVIL HAS MANY DISGUISES. NO ONE IS PERFECT SO IF ITS ALL YOU WANT TO HEAR STEP BACK AND EVALUATE. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS IT DOESN'T USUALLY STEER YOU WRONG.
2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
Good luck but most of all enjoy!!!!!!
FULL NAME(Depending on the age of the person if he is still going by a nickname that is a clear indication of immaturity. If 35 and they're still talking about my name is ____ Gotti/Murda/Ski/Love/Etc walk away now!):
D.O.B.:
HEIGHT:
WEIGHT(Not necessarily a need to know as women especially don't like to admit this but a man may have no problem with it):
SHOE SIZE(May not be a need to know unless you care to buy them some footwear but in that moment you can ask for this info. Ladies don't let that myth fool you either):
ZODIAC(This is not an exact science as to who you ideal mate is but if you're into astrology you know the basic characteristics of a zodiac sometimes is helpful.):
U.S. CITIZEN(This is important to many for various reasons):
IF NO ARE YOU IN PROCESS OF BECOMING A U/S/ CITIZEN? CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF?:
NICKNAMES/ALIAS(If they have an alias, RUN. Nicknames are cool because most people are given them from childhood but its usually close to what their real name is):
STATE OF CURRENT RESIDENCE(Very important especially for LDR's):
RENT OR OWN?(Shows responsibility, if you don't do either are you living off of someone):
HOMETOWN:
HOW MANY PEOPLE IN HOUSEHOLD & WHO?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU MADE LESS $$ THAN YOUR MATE?:
HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF YOU WERE NOT THE BREADWINNER IN A RELATIONSHIP?:
MARITAL STATUS(Clearly this is important unless you like dating those who are taken, but if not be diligent in getting a straight answer):
IF DIVORCED, HOW LONG?(This is also important, the length of time since a divorce will help you understand one's reservations/mixed emotions on dating/getting serious or just wanted to take things slow):
IF PREVIOUSLY MARRIED, HOW MANY TIMES & LENGTH OF MARRIAGE?:
IF PREVIOUSLY ENGAGED, HOW LONG & HOW MANY TIMES?:
IF NEVER MARRIED IS IT AN OPTION YOU WOULD CONSIDER?:
KIDS(SEX & AGES):
HAVE YOU EVER USED ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when):
IF NO CHILDREN DID YOU ALMOST HAVE SOME?(The is a point in time to ask this and if you're smart you'll know when. Emotions can still be raw depending on what happened):
IF YOU HAVE NO CHILDREN WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME?:
QTY OF MOTHERS/FATHERS(This is important it shows a persons' pattern, pay close attention to this answer. It will also allow you to ask the next question):
CURRENT RELATIONSHIP WITH MOTHERS/FATHERS OF CHILDREN(No one wants to deal with drama from an ex, especially one you have kids with):
DO YOU PAY CHILD SUPPORT, VOLUNTARILY/INVOLUNTARILY(Either answer will have a story behind it, LISTEN CLOSELY):
EMPLOYER:
LENGTH OF TIME AT CURRENT EMPLOYER:
HOW MANY JOBS IN LAST 5 YEARS(Shows stability or lack there of):
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: IF MORE THAN ONCE, HOW MANY TIMES AND WHY?(If there is a pattern you'll decide if its something you can deal with or not):
HAVE YOU SPENT TIME IN JAIL/PRISON? LENGTH OF BID?(This is not an elimination question as we all make mistakes but you can judge for yourself if this is an issue for you):
DATE OF LAST HIV/AIDS TEST(VERY IMPORTANT):
CAN YOU PROVIDE PROOF OF RESULTS?:
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO BE TESTED BEFORE HAVING SEX?(NO IS NOT A GOOD ANSWER):
HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD(INCLUDING 1 NIGHT STANDS)?:
EVER HAD A THREESOME?(This question can be asked for different reasons):
CONDOM TYPE USED?:
EVER HAD INTERCOURSE WITH THE SAME SEX?(This question will lead to other discussions, it may or may not be an elimination question depending on your history or what you're looking for):
HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN STD? WHEN & WHAT?:
EVER SLEPT WITH A RELATIVE, KNOWINGLY/UNKNOWINGLY?(This may not be something you're comfy asking and may not be needed but it happens):
DO YOU CURRENTLY TAKE ANY PRESCRIBED MEDICATIONS? IF SO, LIST MEDICATION & REASON FOR TAKING:
RELIGION?(For those deeply into their religion/faith going into extreme detail is beneficial because so many people "present" themselves to be someone they're not to gain someone they want):
DO YOU BELIEVE IN GOD(WHATEVER NAME YOU CALL THE MOST HIGH)?:
DO YOU ATTEND CHURCH, A MOSQUE, KINGDOM HALL, OR SYNAGOGUE REGULARLY:
IF NOT DO YOU READ THE BIBLE, QUA'RAN OR OTHER BOOK RELATED TO YOUR RELIGION REGULARLY?:
HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA/GED?:
COLLEGE CREDITS OR COLLEGE DEGREE?:
IF DEGREE OBTAINED, WHAT COLLEGE AND YEAR?
MEMBER OF SORORITY/FRATERNITY?:
MEMBER OF MILITARY, IF SO WHAT BRANCH & HOW LONG?:
TATTOOS?:
HOW MANY AND LOCATION?:
GANG AFFILIATIONS(This can be one's upbringing and/or maybe their current lifestyle. You can decide how important this is to you):
PIERCINGS? IF SO HOW MANY & WHERE?:
FETISHES:
HOBBIES:
FAVORITE COLOR:
FOOD:
BOOK:
SONG:
SPORTS(PLAY(ED) OR LOVE TO WATCH):
HIDDEN TALENTS:
DO YOU OWN A SUIT?:
STATES VISITED:
COUNTRIES VISITED:
SIBLINGS(Finding out one's relationship with their siblings is very important):
POLITICAL VIEWS:
DO YOU VOTE? HAVE YOU EVER VOTED?:
ARE YOU ELIGIBLE TO VOTE?:
DO YOU HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE?(Find out the status of the license because you don't want to get pulled over and this person gets arrested, NOT GOOD):
EVER BEEN A VICTIM OF A VIOLENT CRIME?:
EVER HAD TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST AN EX?:
EVER BEEN INVOLVED IN A DOMESTIC DISPUTE? EXPLAIN(This is an elimination question especially if one responds "I hit her/him because I was teaching them a lesson" or if they have stories that create a pattern. A one time incident is possibly excusable depending on the circumstances, we are human.):
HOW IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER?:
FATHER?:
SIBLINGS?:
CO-WORKERS?:
EMPLOYER?:
IN FIVE YEARS WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE IN LIFE?:
ARE YOU HAPPY OR CONTENT?:
LIST 5 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO BUT ARE A LITTLE HESITANT ABOUT:
DO YOU COLLECT ITEMS EX: CARS, SPORTS MEMORABILIA, BOOKS, ETC.:
DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE:
WHAT ARE THE TOP 5 QUALITIES YOU CAN NOT SET ASIDE WHEN LOOKING FOR A MATE?:
PET PEEVES:
TURN ON(S):
TURN OFF(S):
EVER HAD A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS?:
HAVE YOU EVER CHEATED ON A MATE?(This doesn't mean they're a cheater, hear the person out):
HAVE YOU EVER DESTROYED A MATE'S PROPERTY BECAUSE OF ANGER/REVENGE?:
ARE YOU CONTROLLING?:
JEALOUS?:
HAVE YOU EVER STALKED AN EX?:
HAVE YOU EVER USED ANY CREDIT CARDS OR MONEY OF A MATE'S WITHOUT ASKING?:
CHEAP?:
AN INDIAN GIVER?:
SELFISH?(I'm biased about this question because if one is selfless than you want to RUN from this person. One who is selfish will never admit to it but pay attention to their answer):
ARE YOU STILL IN LOVE WITH AN EX?:
DO YOU WATCH PORN?:
FAVORITE TYPE?:
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WON'T DO SEXUALLY?:
EVER BEEN SO DRUNK YOU WOKE UP NEXT TO SOMEONE YOU CAN'T REMEMBER?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?:
ARE YOU GOOD FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX'S?:
DO YOU FEEL MEN & WOMEN CAN BE FRIENDS?: IF NOT WHY?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT DATING/MARRYING A WOMAN/MAN WITH CHILDREN?(THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND THEY DON'T):
IF YOU COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN & WANTED THEM WOULD YOU ADOPT?:
BEST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
WORST PLACE TO PICK UP A MATE?:
(*The following questions can be asked early on but when things if they do get serious finding out about one's financial situation is important, not necessarily how much they make but their debt and spending habits is a need to know if you plan to go further with them)
*DO YOU HAVE A SAVINGS ACCOUNT?:
*CHECKING?:
*401K/RETIREMENT PLAN?:
*CREDIT CARDS?:
HEALTH INSURANCE?:
DENTAL INSURANCE?:
LIFE INSURANCE?:
CAR INSURANCE, IF APPLICABLE?:
*CREDIT SCORE?:
WOULD YOU DATE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RACE?:
WHAT ARE THE AGES OF YOUR DATING RANGE?:
PERSONALITY TYPE A OR B?:
NAME 3 PEOPLE WHO INSPIRE YOU AND WHY?:
LIST 3 COMMON THINGS I'D HEAR FROM PEOPLE WHO KNOW YOU THE MOST?:
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN 8 WORDS:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DUMPED AND WHY?:
HOW DID YOU FEEL AND DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU WERE DUMPED?:
ARE YOU AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?:
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP YOU'VE HAD?(This is VERY important especially if you're a long term kind of relationship person. If the answer is under a year find out why):
(*These questions are important because it lets you know and ask more questions about where a person was in their life if any of these apply to them. How they manage life, stress, emotions are things you will get from these questions. Plus addiction is a huge thing to handle!)
*DO YOU SMOKE OR HAVE EVER SMOKED CIGARETTES?:
*WEED?:
*METH?:
*HEROIN?:
*ANY OTHER DRUG(S)?:
DRINK?
SOCIAL DRINKER?:
FAVORITE PHRASE?:
YOUR MOTTO?:
HAVE YOU EVER SOLD DRUGS?:
HAVE ANY ADDICTIONS THAT INTERFERE WITH YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE?:
ANY FAMILY HISTORY OF HEALTH ISSUES I SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT?(This is a question to be asked when things are serious):
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO THE TABLE?:
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT A MATE GOING THROUGH YOUR PHONE/FB PAGE/EMAILS?(There is always emotion or a story behind this, LOL):
HAVE YOU EVER DATED SOMEONE YOU MET ONLINE?:
AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE WHAT DO YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP?:
ARE YOU WILLING TO TRY NEW THINGS?:
DO YOU COOK/ARE YOU WILLING TO LEARN?:
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE WITH SOMEONE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP/TRYING TO GET TO KNOW?:
FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM(For sports fans you know this is critical, LOL):
IN CLOSING ARE YOU WILLING TO PROVIDE 3 REFERENCES (EX'S):
3 REFERENCES(FRIENDS):
*ASKING A LOT ABOUT ONE'S FAMILY AND RELATIONSHIP HISTORY IS IMPORTANT
NOW I MAY HAVE MISSED A FEW THINGS PLEASE ADD ON IF YOU WANT TO. THIS IS JUST AN OUTLINE THAT CAN BE REVISED AT ANYTIME. PEOPLE FORGET WHEN DATING ITS A PROCESS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL AFRAID OR HESITANT TO ASK ANY QUESTION NO MATTER HOW OUT THERE THEY ARE. IF YOU VALUE IT THEN YOU NEED TO ASK TO SEE IF THE "POTENTIAL" DOES AS WELL. NEVER SETTLE! WHEN YOU SETTLE YOU COMPROMISE AND USUALLY END UP IN A SITUATION YOU DON'T WANT TO BE IN. WHEN ASKING ANY ONE OF THESE QUESTIONS OR ONE YOU ADD ON TO THIS AND THAT PERSON HESITATES YOU KNOW THEY ARE EITHER GONNA LIE OR TRY TO AVOID ANSWERING. IN THAT MOMENT LISTEN TO YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU MEET SOMEONE WHO ANSWERS THESE QUESTIONS WITHOUT A BLINK YOU MAY HAVE FOUND A GREAT MATCH BUT BE A LITTLE CAUTIOUS WE ALL KNOW THE DEVIL HAS MANY DISGUISES. NO ONE IS PERFECT SO IF ITS ALL YOU WANT TO HEAR STEP BACK AND EVALUATE. ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS IT DOESN'T USUALLY STEER YOU WRONG.
2011©LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
Friday, July 8, 2011
Love Struck
You're the love of my life that I'd never thought I'd find
With my very devoted heart I love you deeply
You're always on my mind
You make me feel like that special diamond waiting to shine
When I look into your eyes I'm proud to say you're all mine
I never knew love could be so strong but yet make me feel so weak
When I first laid eyes on you
I was swept off of my feet
I'm so happy you love me and always will
Plus the bond we have and the security you instill
You make me feel whole and bring out the best in me
How could I NOT know?
How could I NOT see?
That there will never be another man for me
You are my life and everything in between
We've done it all and everything has been seen
I love you
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©October 1997
I wrote this poem when I was 20 year old mother of a 2 year old. I was involved with a 19 year old young man who I knew was "the one" from the moment I met him. Funny thing is he was definitely "the one" BUT at that time in my life I was not "the one" for him. Now at 33 I fully understand why. Often times we think we're ready for something/someone but if its NOT in the plan laid out for your life TRUST it will be taken from you in some way, shape or form.
When we're 16-25 maybe older depending on your relationship history and when you started to get into the opposite sex we all think we KNOW and UNDERSTAND how we feel in regards to love. What I know love to be now at 33 I was NOT thinking at 20 hell at 17 for that matter. Love was a feeling in that stage and if I felt I felt it, so it was! Many of us have loved or fell in love for some of the stupidest reasons(I see you shaking your head, so am I, LOL). Its funny how I look back at my life and relationships and see so many mistakes. Largely from lack of guidance but the 33 year old m is happy I've had those lessons, learned from many of them, still learning from them and trying to get to a place where the effects of those lessons do not neutralize my emotions from being in a relationship going forward. I also share my experiences to help others because I KNOW I'm not the ONLY one who thought at 17-25 what LOVE really was. I'm sure many of you ready this are shaking your heads, laughing, crying or all three because you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Thanks for reading/sharing your comments
With my very devoted heart I love you deeply
You're always on my mind
You make me feel like that special diamond waiting to shine
When I look into your eyes I'm proud to say you're all mine
I never knew love could be so strong but yet make me feel so weak
When I first laid eyes on you
I was swept off of my feet
I'm so happy you love me and always will
Plus the bond we have and the security you instill
You make me feel whole and bring out the best in me
How could I NOT know?
How could I NOT see?
That there will never be another man for me
You are my life and everything in between
We've done it all and everything has been seen
I love you
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©October 1997
I wrote this poem when I was 20 year old mother of a 2 year old. I was involved with a 19 year old young man who I knew was "the one" from the moment I met him. Funny thing is he was definitely "the one" BUT at that time in my life I was not "the one" for him. Now at 33 I fully understand why. Often times we think we're ready for something/someone but if its NOT in the plan laid out for your life TRUST it will be taken from you in some way, shape or form.
When we're 16-25 maybe older depending on your relationship history and when you started to get into the opposite sex we all think we KNOW and UNDERSTAND how we feel in regards to love. What I know love to be now at 33 I was NOT thinking at 20 hell at 17 for that matter. Love was a feeling in that stage and if I felt I felt it, so it was! Many of us have loved or fell in love for some of the stupidest reasons(I see you shaking your head, so am I, LOL). Its funny how I look back at my life and relationships and see so many mistakes. Largely from lack of guidance but the 33 year old m is happy I've had those lessons, learned from many of them, still learning from them and trying to get to a place where the effects of those lessons do not neutralize my emotions from being in a relationship going forward. I also share my experiences to help others because I KNOW I'm not the ONLY one who thought at 17-25 what LOVE really was. I'm sure many of you ready this are shaking your heads, laughing, crying or all three because you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Thanks for reading/sharing your comments
Friday, June 24, 2011
Message In My Words
I can touch the world with my fingertips
and isolate myself in the same stroke
Paint the world how I see it
Full of love and hope
Brush away all fears and negativity
The only purpose for darkness would be that I
let it consume me
I've been to that place a few times already
Working 2 stay on course
Full speed ahead yet steady
Looking back at my past
THANKFUL I made it through
Looking forward to my future asking God to
help me "make it do what it do"
He's allowed me to stay in touch with MY SOUL
His tools of choice, a pen and paper
I could always find whatever he needed me to see there
At times missing the message in my own words
Stagnant for a long time
He screamed
I listened
and
I never turned back
been blessed ever since
There is NOTHING I lack
LMJ~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
WHY ARE YOU MAD?
Often times we place so much blame and anger on others for where we are at a particular point in our lives that we NEVER look at ourselves for being the sole reason we are there. We're mad at everyone including God for not having something or another we feel we deserve NEVER thinking for one second WE DON"T DESERVE IT! We fail to realize just because we want something doesn't mean we should have it.
To start off let me show you my take on a few things and from there you think about it, it may come off harsh and hurtful but hey that's what the TRUTH feels like! My overall goal is to make you see and look inside before you deflect that energy on any and everyone around you. I stay focused on women because being a woman I know what I've done(mistakes by the boat loads) and I don't want any woman or young girl to go through the unnecessary if they just take the time to embrace what I'm saying. Although many of you won't listen because you're looking like "who the hell does she think she is?"
I'll tell you who I am, I'm a woman many people can learn from. My life can be a handbook for you to live by. I'm NOT saying its the end all to your problems or issues but TRUST it will help.
WOMEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE A GOOD MAN
First off do you know what a good man is? Many of us do not depending on your age and experiences in life because for a long time I didn't. I always knew they existed but I also knew every woman didn't deserve "him". We often see the "gold diggers/hoes/sidepieces/etc" getting the "good man" but what we miss is that just because they have a lifestyle we don't or appear to be enjoying everything they are missing out on a hell of a lot. Some "women" are not good women so they don't deserve the "good man". There are some women who have slept with a LARGE number of men, sold their pussy for whatever they felt it was worth and then one day decide I'm tired of living like this. Then then dress up and go to church every Sunday looking for "the good man", coming across as something they NEVER were or will EVER be. You also have some women who think if they get this "good man" it will make them better, for the record IT WON'T!
You also have the woman who is from the "hood" who in many settings come off to the "good man" as being the woman he is looking for but her upbringing and environment have kept her isolated from his world. She can only go but so far with him.
There is also the woman who NEVER learns from her relationship history and seeks out a "good man" not realizing she is the issue not the men she's dated.
Now you're 30 or 40+ wondering why you're single/not married, well I'll give you a hint, IT'S YOU!
It has nothing to do with the lack of good men for the most part. If you take a survey of your life ask yourself first: What is a good man? Would a know a good man if I came across him? What do I have to offer a god man aside from sex? Who am I in a relationship? Am I willing to be dedicated to one man through the good and the bad?
If you can truly answer these questions you are off to a good start.
I'm also speaking from experience, which I usually do, I haven't been the best pick of character for many of the men I have dated thus it hindered me from finding the good man.
Also know that every woman isn't meant to be married/is wife material/girlfriend material and every man isn't meant to be a husband/boyfriend. I got that lesson from a very dear friend who is a man! Some of us have the lives we have to be a lesson to someone else, sometimes its a lesson to show what one should do and sometimes its a lesson to show others what NOT TO DO!
In the end many women DON'T DESERVE A GOOD MAN just like many men DON'T DESERVE A
GOOD WOMAN. The hard part is figuring out who you are and who you deserve.
MEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BY A WOMAN
There are some men out there who have the mentality women are put here to make their lives easier especially the men who don't have a damn thing to offer. No job, no money, living at home with their mama, a jail record, no education, etc... These men are opportunist they scope out the women who can do for them and give them just enough for her to keep taking care of him. Ladies many of us have come across this type. We see the "potential" they have and give them the world meanwhile they are just hanging around until we get tired of them. Many of us waste years with these types thinking things will change, IT WON'T, RUN NOW if you have this type in your life!
CHOOSING WHO YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH
Many of us have FAILED is this department BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of us saw signs but thought LOVE(LMBO) was going to make a difference. If we paid attention many of us would've NEVER had kids with who we did.
FOR THE LADIES
Don't think for one second if he has a child already depending on the sex of that child if you have the opposite sex of what he has that he will be a better father to yours than he is to the previous child.
Don't think because he didn't grow up with a father that he will be a great one.
Don't think you can change him or keep him if you have a child with him.
Don't think him having a child will help him grow up.
WAKE UP LADIES we are partially if not all of the reason most of our children don't have their father in their life and that we are single parents. YES US!!! Look back at your situation and TRUST you will see signs that were screaming out at you NOT to have kids with this man but you ignored them and went on ahead thinking you knew it all and things would be different. Then when things don't pan out how you want them to you're mad at him and all he did was show you who he was but you ignored it all. TRUST me I've done it! Now you're taking him to child support court, causing all types of drama in his life because your dumb ass made a bad choice. TRUST me he's sleeping wonderful at night while your all pissed not taking responsibility for your part in how your life is now. STOP IT, forget about him and focus ON dealing with the consequences of your actions. YOU can't make a man be a father if its NOT in him to begin with!
THE CATTINESS/COMPETITION BETWEEN WOMEN
Ladies STOP THE BS!!!!! Stop competing against one another because its a waste of time. All the time you're devoting to competing against this one and that one you're taking away from making yourself great! Stop competing with women for men. A man may look at you for something he may look at a woman similar to you for very different reasons. Men are complex in that way! If you appear to be easy vs a woman he has to work at to get, depending on where he's at in life he will go for the easier one just because. It doesn't mean you are anything less of another woman he just doesn't want to go through the leaps and bounds to get what you have to offer. Stop defining yourself by men because some men will use that against you thus you're being catty with other women for no damn reason. It's a damn shame more of us can't be friends without the she say she say and the don't look at my man that way attitude, etc... I don't compete with any woman in this world first of all because I know who I am and if a man doesn't want what I have to offer then he clearly is not the one I should be walking through fire to get. SIMPLE AS THAT!
Remember a man is only going to do what you allow him to do. Tap into the power you have. Get your mental in order, get your self-esteem on high and move forward!
STOP MARRYING MEN & THEN CHANGING
If you showed him all of you and gave all of yourself before marriage, yes I'm including sexually DON"T think for a minute that should stop because he put a ring on it! Far too many of you have these great husbands and don't do a damn thing to keep them. TRUST what you WON'T do or you feel that you're comfortable and he's NOT going anywhere think again because in time he will wise up and LEAVE YOU OR CHEAT. What you won't do someone will do and often times do it BETTER! To maintain your marriage you have to do everything on 1000. The key is giving your husband everything he needs and wants so he doesn't look for it elsewhere. Granted its all about knowing his wants and needs and not looking at him as a typical man. If you gave him sex everyday before marriage granted after marriage when kids are added and a work schedule can be more complex give it to him every other day, compromise. If you gave him head before marriage don't think you're going to stop afterwards. If you cooked for him before marriage DO NOT let that man come home to take out or TV dinners so often that he forgot you knew how to cook. If you worked before don't think you're going to sit around and do nothing afterwards. He married you with the intent you would be the same after marriage not a person he would've never married in the 1st place.
FELLAS STOP MARRYING THE IMPOSTOR WHO LATER GIVES YOU NOTHING
I've heard many stories of men who marry women for all the wrong reasons: she was pregnant, we've been together for a long time, she's done things no other woman has, etc... then after marriage she becomes who she really is(LOL @ the stories I've heard). So many of you are tricked by women into marriage and by the time you realize it its too late, you're so deep in the game its more of a hassle to get out of then how easily she got you into it. Many stories I've heard are men who marry women who they don't have enough of a connection they never would've gotten married in the 1st place. If you're a man of God who takes religion seriously marry someone in your faith who takes it just as serious. Allow her to show you her devotion to her faith and test her because anyone can quote scriptures, go to church and all the church functions but HAVE NO CLUE what's going on and can not interpret any of those scriptures. Remember the devil can take on any shape and form. If you are a man who loves sports don't connect with a woman who doesn't because when you're watching the game she wants to spend quality time with you. When you want to hang with the fellas and go to games/sports bars she's going to give you a hard time. If you're a man who is very physical/open in the bedroom don't marry someone who's the complete opposite, IT WON'T work, it will create all types of tension. If you're a man who likes quality, knows how to manage money and values future goals financially don't marry someone who is materialistic, follows trends and wants what ever is out and has no long term goals financially, you're going to battle over buying a stick of butter! If you're a man who loves a home cooked meal don't marry a woman who only knows how to make reservations or thinks a home cooked meal is hot dogs and french fries or cooking in the microwave means she can cook.
Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what your not. In the end you'll find the right match for you.
Most if not all I wrote can go for men and women, largely its just my insight on reality and what we all can learn from it if we're just real with ourselves. LYING will get you nowhere but at the start line time and time again!
To start off let me show you my take on a few things and from there you think about it, it may come off harsh and hurtful but hey that's what the TRUTH feels like! My overall goal is to make you see and look inside before you deflect that energy on any and everyone around you. I stay focused on women because being a woman I know what I've done(mistakes by the boat loads) and I don't want any woman or young girl to go through the unnecessary if they just take the time to embrace what I'm saying. Although many of you won't listen because you're looking like "who the hell does she think she is?"
I'll tell you who I am, I'm a woman many people can learn from. My life can be a handbook for you to live by. I'm NOT saying its the end all to your problems or issues but TRUST it will help.
WOMEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE A GOOD MAN
First off do you know what a good man is? Many of us do not depending on your age and experiences in life because for a long time I didn't. I always knew they existed but I also knew every woman didn't deserve "him". We often see the "gold diggers/hoes/sidepieces/etc" getting the "good man" but what we miss is that just because they have a lifestyle we don't or appear to be enjoying everything they are missing out on a hell of a lot. Some "women" are not good women so they don't deserve the "good man". There are some women who have slept with a LARGE number of men, sold their pussy for whatever they felt it was worth and then one day decide I'm tired of living like this. Then then dress up and go to church every Sunday looking for "the good man", coming across as something they NEVER were or will EVER be. You also have some women who think if they get this "good man" it will make them better, for the record IT WON'T!
You also have the woman who is from the "hood" who in many settings come off to the "good man" as being the woman he is looking for but her upbringing and environment have kept her isolated from his world. She can only go but so far with him.
There is also the woman who NEVER learns from her relationship history and seeks out a "good man" not realizing she is the issue not the men she's dated.
Now you're 30 or 40+ wondering why you're single/not married, well I'll give you a hint, IT'S YOU!
It has nothing to do with the lack of good men for the most part. If you take a survey of your life ask yourself first: What is a good man? Would a know a good man if I came across him? What do I have to offer a god man aside from sex? Who am I in a relationship? Am I willing to be dedicated to one man through the good and the bad?
If you can truly answer these questions you are off to a good start.
I'm also speaking from experience, which I usually do, I haven't been the best pick of character for many of the men I have dated thus it hindered me from finding the good man.
Also know that every woman isn't meant to be married/is wife material/girlfriend material and every man isn't meant to be a husband/boyfriend. I got that lesson from a very dear friend who is a man! Some of us have the lives we have to be a lesson to someone else, sometimes its a lesson to show what one should do and sometimes its a lesson to show others what NOT TO DO!
In the end many women DON'T DESERVE A GOOD MAN just like many men DON'T DESERVE A
GOOD WOMAN. The hard part is figuring out who you are and who you deserve.
MEN WHO FEEL THEY DESERVE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF BY A WOMAN
There are some men out there who have the mentality women are put here to make their lives easier especially the men who don't have a damn thing to offer. No job, no money, living at home with their mama, a jail record, no education, etc... These men are opportunist they scope out the women who can do for them and give them just enough for her to keep taking care of him. Ladies many of us have come across this type. We see the "potential" they have and give them the world meanwhile they are just hanging around until we get tired of them. Many of us waste years with these types thinking things will change, IT WON'T, RUN NOW if you have this type in your life!
CHOOSING WHO YOU DECIDE TO HAVE CHILDREN WITH
Many of us have FAILED is this department BIG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Most of us saw signs but thought LOVE(LMBO) was going to make a difference. If we paid attention many of us would've NEVER had kids with who we did.
FOR THE LADIES
Don't think for one second if he has a child already depending on the sex of that child if you have the opposite sex of what he has that he will be a better father to yours than he is to the previous child.
Don't think because he didn't grow up with a father that he will be a great one.
Don't think you can change him or keep him if you have a child with him.
Don't think him having a child will help him grow up.
WAKE UP LADIES we are partially if not all of the reason most of our children don't have their father in their life and that we are single parents. YES US!!! Look back at your situation and TRUST you will see signs that were screaming out at you NOT to have kids with this man but you ignored them and went on ahead thinking you knew it all and things would be different. Then when things don't pan out how you want them to you're mad at him and all he did was show you who he was but you ignored it all. TRUST me I've done it! Now you're taking him to child support court, causing all types of drama in his life because your dumb ass made a bad choice. TRUST me he's sleeping wonderful at night while your all pissed not taking responsibility for your part in how your life is now. STOP IT, forget about him and focus ON dealing with the consequences of your actions. YOU can't make a man be a father if its NOT in him to begin with!
THE CATTINESS/COMPETITION BETWEEN WOMEN
Ladies STOP THE BS!!!!! Stop competing against one another because its a waste of time. All the time you're devoting to competing against this one and that one you're taking away from making yourself great! Stop competing with women for men. A man may look at you for something he may look at a woman similar to you for very different reasons. Men are complex in that way! If you appear to be easy vs a woman he has to work at to get, depending on where he's at in life he will go for the easier one just because. It doesn't mean you are anything less of another woman he just doesn't want to go through the leaps and bounds to get what you have to offer. Stop defining yourself by men because some men will use that against you thus you're being catty with other women for no damn reason. It's a damn shame more of us can't be friends without the she say she say and the don't look at my man that way attitude, etc... I don't compete with any woman in this world first of all because I know who I am and if a man doesn't want what I have to offer then he clearly is not the one I should be walking through fire to get. SIMPLE AS THAT!
Remember a man is only going to do what you allow him to do. Tap into the power you have. Get your mental in order, get your self-esteem on high and move forward!
STOP MARRYING MEN & THEN CHANGING
If you showed him all of you and gave all of yourself before marriage, yes I'm including sexually DON"T think for a minute that should stop because he put a ring on it! Far too many of you have these great husbands and don't do a damn thing to keep them. TRUST what you WON'T do or you feel that you're comfortable and he's NOT going anywhere think again because in time he will wise up and LEAVE YOU OR CHEAT. What you won't do someone will do and often times do it BETTER! To maintain your marriage you have to do everything on 1000. The key is giving your husband everything he needs and wants so he doesn't look for it elsewhere. Granted its all about knowing his wants and needs and not looking at him as a typical man. If you gave him sex everyday before marriage granted after marriage when kids are added and a work schedule can be more complex give it to him every other day, compromise. If you gave him head before marriage don't think you're going to stop afterwards. If you cooked for him before marriage DO NOT let that man come home to take out or TV dinners so often that he forgot you knew how to cook. If you worked before don't think you're going to sit around and do nothing afterwards. He married you with the intent you would be the same after marriage not a person he would've never married in the 1st place.
FELLAS STOP MARRYING THE IMPOSTOR WHO LATER GIVES YOU NOTHING
I've heard many stories of men who marry women for all the wrong reasons: she was pregnant, we've been together for a long time, she's done things no other woman has, etc... then after marriage she becomes who she really is(LOL @ the stories I've heard). So many of you are tricked by women into marriage and by the time you realize it its too late, you're so deep in the game its more of a hassle to get out of then how easily she got you into it. Many stories I've heard are men who marry women who they don't have enough of a connection they never would've gotten married in the 1st place. If you're a man of God who takes religion seriously marry someone in your faith who takes it just as serious. Allow her to show you her devotion to her faith and test her because anyone can quote scriptures, go to church and all the church functions but HAVE NO CLUE what's going on and can not interpret any of those scriptures. Remember the devil can take on any shape and form. If you are a man who loves sports don't connect with a woman who doesn't because when you're watching the game she wants to spend quality time with you. When you want to hang with the fellas and go to games/sports bars she's going to give you a hard time. If you're a man who is very physical/open in the bedroom don't marry someone who's the complete opposite, IT WON'T work, it will create all types of tension. If you're a man who likes quality, knows how to manage money and values future goals financially don't marry someone who is materialistic, follows trends and wants what ever is out and has no long term goals financially, you're going to battle over buying a stick of butter! If you're a man who loves a home cooked meal don't marry a woman who only knows how to make reservations or thinks a home cooked meal is hot dogs and french fries or cooking in the microwave means she can cook.
Figure out what you're willing to compromise on and what your not. In the end you'll find the right match for you.
Most if not all I wrote can go for men and women, largely its just my insight on reality and what we all can learn from it if we're just real with ourselves. LYING will get you nowhere but at the start line time and time again!
SECRETS
There are many dark places one wishes not to claim
BUT lately they have ALL been calling your name
You try to ignore them and keep them inside
It's time for the secrets to be told
You can no longer hide
Secrets can destroy you and become your worst enemy
They're always lurking around whispering "You can't run from me"
They will catch up to you when you least expect
Your tactics of suppression or trying to deflect
WON'T work
The more you try the more they present themselves
They become you
Prison isn't necessarily a place
It can be a state of mind
The more you keep in a damaging secret
The longer your time
Free yourself from the prison you've created
Let them go
Don't remain incarcerated.
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1998, 2011
BUT lately they have ALL been calling your name
You try to ignore them and keep them inside
It's time for the secrets to be told
You can no longer hide
Secrets can destroy you and become your worst enemy
They're always lurking around whispering "You can't run from me"
They will catch up to you when you least expect
Your tactics of suppression or trying to deflect
WON'T work
The more you try the more they present themselves
They become you
Prison isn't necessarily a place
It can be a state of mind
The more you keep in a damaging secret
The longer your time
Free yourself from the prison you've created
Let them go
Don't remain incarcerated.
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1998, 2011
LESSONS
Life will show you one lesson after another
and it's up to you to discover
the decisions in which you with learn from
Never think the path in which you have chosen is one you have to succumb
to
A friend often said to me some things can be chalked up to being "young, dumb, and full of c**"
Most times you're following your heart
Often times taking you on journeys' that were false from the start
Love will break your heart more than one time
its up to you to shine
after the heartache is over
You'll start the process over again
Instead of learning to be your "own friend"
Figuring out the lessons you should learn from what you've just gone through
but without much thought you carry on with someone else thinking "this is new"
it will be better
Not realizing you're bound to repeat the same pattern
Loving one's self is as important as loving someone else
No one can fill your voids if you don't know why they're there in the first place
No matter how much you pretend on Facebook, Twitter or even Myspace
Addressing your issue head on will be the only way out of your what damage may be waiting for you
Being "someone else" will ultimately come back to haunt you
You can only pretend but for so long or act as if NOTHING happened
You'll become part of a world you won't even realize you're trapped in
Be true to thine own self
NO MATTER what pain, emotions, or people you have to get out of your life
In the end you either deal with yourself
or be dealt with
To be more frank, take control or lose it.
You decide...............
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1999, 2011
and it's up to you to discover
the decisions in which you with learn from
Never think the path in which you have chosen is one you have to succumb
to
A friend often said to me some things can be chalked up to being "young, dumb, and full of c**"
Most times you're following your heart
Often times taking you on journeys' that were false from the start
Love will break your heart more than one time
its up to you to shine
after the heartache is over
You'll start the process over again
Instead of learning to be your "own friend"
Figuring out the lessons you should learn from what you've just gone through
but without much thought you carry on with someone else thinking "this is new"
it will be better
Not realizing you're bound to repeat the same pattern
Loving one's self is as important as loving someone else
No one can fill your voids if you don't know why they're there in the first place
No matter how much you pretend on Facebook, Twitter or even Myspace
Addressing your issue head on will be the only way out of your what damage may be waiting for you
Being "someone else" will ultimately come back to haunt you
You can only pretend but for so long or act as if NOTHING happened
You'll become part of a world you won't even realize you're trapped in
Be true to thine own self
NO MATTER what pain, emotions, or people you have to get out of your life
In the end you either deal with yourself
or be dealt with
To be more frank, take control or lose it.
You decide...............
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©1999, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
SPECIAL DELIVERY VALENTINE
Every year February 14th makes everyone feel some sort of way whether good or bad. I've had my share of emotions *flashbacks going in full speed*. This was the 1st year in a long time Valentine's Day wasn't an issue early way. I was in a "spread love" mood. It did help that someone made it the best day of the year for me so far, giving me the best gift I've ever received. It was so great I wanted to share the gifts we exchanged with one another.
From Him 2 Me:
Even though it's been an interesting start.
It's Valentine's Day, and we're miles apart.
I'm somewhat sad, and somewhat mad.
But at the end of the day, I'm glad.
I'm glad that we "met"
Even if we met online.
If things were different maybe you would be mine...
Maybe I would be yours.
But would we have passion?
Of course we would! Right?
I would give you all my heart and all my might.
Yes!... All day and all night!
I would dive into your ocean and swim with all my motion.
My emotions... for you... would run deep.
Your heart would be mine to keep.
And at night...
I wouldn't let you sleep.
I would awake you to take you into my dream land.
It would be a place...
A place where we can be more than just friends....
A place where we could express all of our feelings and emotions too.
Yeah, you would be my boo.
So again... Happy Valentine's Day!
This was a little poem that I wrote from me to you.
I wrote it this evening on my way home when I was on the train
From Me 2 Him:
You are a sweet melody I want to hear all the time,
Far away physically but your memory is locked in my mind.
Chatting with you makes my day,
Although sad sometimes I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'd rather know you than to have never "met" you at all,
Your like a hand being held out to me after a fall.
I'll enjoy the moments we share,
I'd be lying if I said I didn't care,
either way I'm happy you're here.
Thank you for the smiles and the laughter,
Sometimes I think you are what I'm after.
You made this Valentine's Day the best I've ever had,
I'm glad I "met" you as well as sad.
Happy Valentine's Day.
2 people connecting with words because that's all they have & sometimes that's all that's needed.
From Him 2 Me:
Even though it's been an interesting start.
It's Valentine's Day, and we're miles apart.
I'm somewhat sad, and somewhat mad.
But at the end of the day, I'm glad.
I'm glad that we "met"
Even if we met online.
If things were different maybe you would be mine...
Maybe I would be yours.
But would we have passion?
Of course we would! Right?
I would give you all my heart and all my might.
Yes!... All day and all night!
I would dive into your ocean and swim with all my motion.
My emotions... for you... would run deep.
Your heart would be mine to keep.
And at night...
I wouldn't let you sleep.
I would awake you to take you into my dream land.
It would be a place...
A place where we can be more than just friends....
A place where we could express all of our feelings and emotions too.
Yeah, you would be my boo.
So again... Happy Valentine's Day!
This was a little poem that I wrote from me to you.
I wrote it this evening on my way home when I was on the train
From Me 2 Him:
You are a sweet melody I want to hear all the time,
Far away physically but your memory is locked in my mind.
Chatting with you makes my day,
Although sad sometimes I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'd rather know you than to have never "met" you at all,
Your like a hand being held out to me after a fall.
I'll enjoy the moments we share,
I'd be lying if I said I didn't care,
either way I'm happy you're here.
Thank you for the smiles and the laughter,
Sometimes I think you are what I'm after.
You made this Valentine's Day the best I've ever had,
I'm glad I "met" you as well as sad.
Happy Valentine's Day.
2 people connecting with words because that's all they have & sometimes that's all that's needed.
Monday, January 17, 2011
MY TESTIMONY
said read the Daniel Fast Devotional for yesterday and today so I can be on
track. I started reading the 5th day devotional: Take Every Thought Captive and
the 6th day devotional: The Kingdom Of God. I got halfway through the 6th day devotional and decided
to write down some notes and scriptures from the book as well as other
scriptures that have been recommended to me. I wanted to breakdown what I've
learned so far but my pen was willed another way and instead of being a personal
memo it became this blog post. I am a vessel!
Some of you know about my journey of spiritual closeness and working on having a better
relationship with God, well this journey has been very EYE OPENING! I've always
known the power of God but had not really studied the bible in any extent. I
knew the Lord's prayer and some of the Commandments. Mere basics but many of you can relate, you may know a little more than me and some of you may know less. Ever since my car accident
I've known I was blessed to make it through for a purpose. Once my car stopped
flipping and I landed on my side the person driving behind me approached my car,
his first words were "Is anybody alive in there?" I was already out of my seat
belt trying to figure out how to get out of the car since it was on its side.
When I heard his words I laughed. Although I was in the car and alert watching
myself flip I didn't think it was that bad. He helped me out and his face was
full of shock. He couldn't believe I was unharmed and alert. I kept assuring him
I was fine, thanking him and saying I didn't want an ambulance. Once the cops came and flipped my car
over then I realized how it could have ended. My car landed on the gas tank
side. I cried then at the thought of my car possibly blowing up. Prior to my
accident I've been through a lot and each time my strength has gotten me through
solely because I know its God's will. I many times have failed myself but He
has NEVER failed me! This time he "showed" me how he works. On this journey I've
looked to outside sources for help and soon learned I had to continue to do so. I've always been the type to hold in things and deal with them my way, its a heavy burden. I've let go of a
lot of people/things and distanced myself from it all, its a process. I'm learning to let go and let God(this too is also a process, it takes time).
I started the Daniel Fast on 1-11-11, symbolic to me for starting back at one,
which is myself. I've noticed so much now that I'm more focused. I see things a
lot clearer. Since this year began I've not had 1 sad day. Now don't get me
wrong I am human I've had some lazy moments(procrastination) and some down days but it all in the process of healing, but I've not been
angry, sad, no reason to be sad or worried. At some point in your life that
light bulb goes off and everything falls into place. In the moment of my
accident I didn't scream, cry, or feel scared. Granted I panicked but who
wouldn't. That panic was short lived once I realized it was out of my control. I
didn't pray or call out to God. Before I got on the road I prayed to have a safe
journey home. Although I crashed I did have what I prayed for I arrived home
safe as well as my journey being safe because I was unharmed.
Ever since I've been stripped of many things. I lost a car which gave me access
to many things. I lost some independence because I had to depend on others now. That
soon went south as family & "friends" became distant and strangers became my
pillars of strength. I've always been iffy on having faith in "man". I lost all
will to tolerate having dead weight in my life. Whatever I lost was minor to all
I had gained. After my accident I questioned why it happened. I did not want to
miss my purpose with my second chance. I'm always thinking out of the box and
have always felt things happen for a reason. I did not want to ignore this reason. I
couldn't get my answers from anyone but God so he is who I turned to. I prayed
constantly for wisdom, patience and strength. I got side tracked a few times,
you know the devil is always busy but I'm on my way. This is not written for
anyone to think "oh she had a near death experience so NOW she's turning her
life to God", this is done to show we ALL lose our way but you can always come
back "home". He's always been a whisper to me throughout my life but on October
30, 2010 he SCREAMED at me and I heard him.
I always knew I had a purpose but I let many things get me away from that
purpose. In life we all have a "wake-up call", mine was that accident. I didn't
even want to tell anyone about it at first, I figured I was fine no need to
worry anyone but then it hit me I had to tell my story. Once I released it a
multitude of things came from doing so. I've heard a lot lately you can't have a
testimony without a test, I've gotten mine. God brought me through to be a
vessel. Once I felt comfortable in being so my life had begun to change. I'm
going through the process. I've also heard "if you allow God to lead you he will
never lead you astray", if that isn't the purest of truths I don't know what is.
Many of us, me included, think we know what's best for ourselves. We look back
on our lives and see the mistakes we've made and the consequences of those
actions. We've all done things we know DAMN well we shouldn't. My life thus far
has been based on what I thought was right. I'm "good people" so why can't I
have this, that and the third but many times I didn't deserve "it" or wasn't
ready for "it" and "it" failed. These days my mind frame is different. I can no
longer "preach" directly to people. Now I just "preach", those who catch the message are grateful and those who feel its a "shot" at them personally will
never get it at least not from me.
I can't tell anyone how to live their life or how to get through the process or
how to get a better relationship with God, that's a journey you must take alone.
What I CAN do is tell my story and what I've learned. The lessons are there you
just have to pick up on it. I'm a work in progress He is not through with me
yet! I'm following the plan that was chosen for me. I ignored the directions I
was given and got lost but I'm following them now.
I've always know that people have been placed in your life for a reason and I've
come across many folks in my life BUT now He's placing many pillars in my life
to keep me focused. I'm clear on folks purpose or hidden agendas. I'm always
tested. We all are. What I started out to write has become
something far different. Once again I am a vessel!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
BUT...........................
One day I closed my eyes just to remember your face
You have become such a memory for me that I struggle with from time to time
Things were different
So much of a connection
I never wanted to let go
BUT
Time moved faster and things were cut short
Didn't truly value what we had
We thought we had forever
BUT
Our fate was decided
The day someone chose to end your life
I can't get you back
BUT
Your memory is what I have left
I worry because it fades sometimes
My heart keeps you always
Not so much my mind
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2011
You have become such a memory for me that I struggle with from time to time
Things were different
So much of a connection
I never wanted to let go
BUT
Time moved faster and things were cut short
Didn't truly value what we had
We thought we had forever
BUT
Our fate was decided
The day someone chose to end your life
I can't get you back
BUT
Your memory is what I have left
I worry because it fades sometimes
My heart keeps you always
Not so much my mind
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™
©2011
FUNNY HEART
The heart can be funny sometimes
It doesn't always see clear or follow what's on your mind
The heart loves in so many ways
Which FEAR can make it simple for that special love to be pushed awaySometimes we are not aware
When TRUE LOVE is standing there
Our eyes are open but our heart is closed
Because in our mind you are not supposed
TO BE THERE
We expect love when we're looking for it
But when love finds us we don't admit it
Or we don't see it
LMJ~SOUL~MYSOULONPAPER™ ©2011
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